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email from his brother

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PhantomLimb posted 2/19/2014 13:30 PM

It's been almost a year, but not quite.

He says in it that he's sorry it's taken him so long to talk to me. That he tried to be supportive of me by being there for his brother through the S/D but that, truly, he didn't know what to say to me.

He told me that he misses me in his life and that the family considered me one of them. He thanked my family for taking X in and being so good to him all of these years. He thanked me for being so honest and good and loving to all of them for over a decade.

He kept repeating that he knows I'll be okay and that I'm going to find someone who truly appreciates me and truly deserves me someday.

He even reached out to say he misses the dog. He told me that he's been looking through old family photos and seeing me still makes him smile.

Oddly, he just kept referring to "my brother." He never used his name.

I'm touched by this. It's the email X should have sent after we decided to D. And it's the email I was surprised his brother never sent after I reached out to him the morning after DDay.

It's nice to hear that someone on "his side" seems to have seen through X's bullshit and knows the real story. I'm wondering what prompted him to send this almost a year later (DDay was in April)... but I'm trying not to dwell on that.

Interesting. Difficult to read... but I'm grateful. Will probably write back and confirm that I loved him and his family and wish them well. Want to sit on it for a couple of days, though.

norabird posted 2/19/2014 13:43 PM

I am glad your xBIL stepped up to tell you these things. It is good to be seen for your true worth and to know you were valued. I hope this brings you a little peace.

homewrecked2011 posted 2/19/2014 13:48 PM

My first husband's family also reached out to me later. His Mom told me that "we know what he is". She died 2 weeks ago and I will always be grateful that they reached out to me.

It really made me feel great, too.

I would love to have some sort of a relationship with my current xinlaws, but they are a different type of family and believe all XWH tells them, even though they told me when I first met him that he embellishes stories and they don't know why.....

StillLivin posted 2/19/2014 13:56 PM

PhantomLimb, sometimes they hurt as much as we do when their own causes so much devastation. They have the added weight of the shame it causes them that their own did this.
I held my MIL in my arms as she sobbed. She just kept telling me how sorry she is I am going through this and how ashamed that it was her own son doing this.
I'm so glad you got this from your BIL. I have read other posts and I know it had to hurt thinking that he just shut you out. Now you know different!
Hugs and prayers for you and your children!

PhantomLimb posted 2/19/2014 14:39 PM

It does give me some peace.

It seems like over and over again the people I love and respect are communicating to me that I should be valued and that he is a mess. It makes me sad in a way, given how much I cared for him and respected him... but I'm grateful that others in my life understand my intentions for X were always what they should have been. It makes the rejection from him a little easier to take.

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