So I am sitting here all alone, I'm not allowing myself to date until the D is final. I tried the dating while separated thing and it just didn't work for me. I'm at peace with that, I want to be able to go all-in so to speak if I can find that someone special down the road once the D is done.
STBXWW is on who knows how many boyfriends, and really that's her business, not mine. However, she's latched onto some rich dude now and she really seems to be rubbing it in my face. She's now driving a Jag that she would NEVER EVER EVER be able to afford on her own (I'm driving an old Toyota that needs serious servicing but I don't have the $$$$), and now she's off at a 5 star resort in Cuba for a week. She's belittled me a few times along the lines that I don't make enough money to do this or that. Mocking me cuz I can't get my car fixed, saying I don't have enough money to have a girlfriend....you know that sort of ummmm 12 year old type behaviour. I'm doing whatever I can to really just stay afloat. I'm a hard working professional during the day, taking a university program on the side to help my career, volunteer as a coach and have been picking up some painting jobs on the side so my wonderful boys can continue playing their sports.
I'm just feeling really down and out these days, somewhat desolate and guess I just needed a place to vent. Thanks for listening.....
Five simple rules of happiness:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.
And by the way there is not a certain amount of money you need to have a girlfriend, just to have a gold digger.
You're feeling sorry for yourself because you aren't a soulless, selfish, greedy cheater with no moral compass to speak of?
You're far richer than she will ever be in the account where it matters. INTEGRITY.
I can only tell you that XWH never stayed with any of the OW for more than a few months after I found out. They lost their luster after the secret was out and he became bored.
XWH is not a happy person. Those trips to this place or that? He has to work two jobs to pay for his lifestyle and is up to his eyeballs in debt. It'll come crashing down soon enough.
I'm happy with who I am and where I am in life. I may not drive a Jag or live in a million dollar home, but I can look myself in the eye.
So can you.
WH#2 (suicide prior to finalized divorce)
XWH #1 - legally married 18yrs. 12+ OW (that I know of).
I edit often for clarity/typos.
So basically she is showing you she is a whore, bought and paid for, and she is happy with that. Pretty sure a number of songs make reference to her kind, can anyone say 'gold digga'.
As best you can ignore the shit that dribbles from her mouth. The best thing about sugar daddies is they tend to trade in the old model for a younger one down the road.
Karma is setting her up for a spectacular fall.
"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou
Hang in there. You know you're the adult in this situation and your boys are going to see that down the road. I've got two awesome boys myself. My own STBXWW is also dragging her feet through our D process.
Just think for all your STBXWW's antics of rubbing it in, she's just feeding the monster called Karma that will visit her in the future to pay it all back in the worst way possible. You can count on that.
I don't call flaunting other people's money as a story of success. I call that getting "pimped". In contrast, you're a person who stands on his own. Your boys will see that and respect you deeply for it. They will learn well from your good example.
"And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be."
- Sarah McMane
All that glitters is not gold. You know that, she doesn't.
Just b/c she latched on to him DOES NOT mean he won't dump her sorry ass somewhere along the way!! The shine on cheap jewerly only lasts so long.
Keep your head up. YOU are the best example for your boys.
I don't know why it bothers me, but it does. I have no desire to drive a Mercedes, wear designer clothes, etc. I'm a pretty simple girl. I guess I continue to get sucked into the illusion that they're doing so well and they're so happy, etc. I'm sure the reality is that they're probably in debt up to their eyeballs. The Gnat was charging up cards like crazy during the affair and had to take that debt with him. He's always been extremely financially irresponsible and I doubt that changed overnight. Even if Hello Kitty has money (I still have no idea what she does for a living), I'm sure he's spending it as fast as it's coming in.
I just have to remind myself that daily when I'm being blinded by the dazzle.
Mocking you is shitty, just uncalled for...but it's necessary for HER to feel good about herself.
Don't buy into her crap!
Someone else's money is the best she's got - hell even if it were her own money if money and 'stuff' is the best she's got then that is sad, sad thing.
The sad clown has lots of money and zero integrity, empathy, compassion, decency, self-worth or pride. I would have given all the money back and my right arm too if he had even one of those things. Just.one.
He may have more money but I am so much richer in the ways that count. When I'm rocking out on my rocking chair I won't be thinking of all the money I made and spent, I'll be thinking about all the love I gave and received. How much integrity, empathy, compassion, decency, self-worth and pride I have. And peace. Blessed peace.
A peace he will never know.
Remember this and feel sad for her the next time she tries to mock you. I feel sad for the sad clown for his little, little life.
I feel this is the same scenario you are facing. sure she seems to be living the life. But take a look at what she really has. Its all superficial and material. Inside she is the same damaged person who cheated and is self centered. One day she is going to have to face her issues. And when that happens she is going to be the one on the bottom looking up at you. And the best part is that you will be a new person, secure in the knowledge that you're healed and happy. Once the new BF get a look at the real her I'm positive she will be dumped. And there goes the high life and the Jag. But the worst part of it all will be that she will still be the same miserable, selfish person who she is now. Don't envy people like her, pity them. Because the ride down is a hell of a lot worse when they cant drive the bus of life.
I predict a big crash really soon for her. And when it happens, perhaps she will look back with regret and sorrow for a life wasted. Perhaps not, but at least you are the one who has his shit together by then. Keep the faith and keep working on yourself. Things will improve for you in all areas of your life. And you actually will see a much better future for yourself. As for her, sooner or later the piper must be paid. And the longer she keeps making him play, the bigger that price is going to be. By then your bill will be paid in full and life is going to be great on your end. So ignore those who like to think they are on top. Because once your there the only place to go is down.
I just have to focus on being the best me I can be, and if other people find they have to belittle me on the shortcomings they perceive I have....FUCK EM.
So, STBXWW gets back from her week in Cuba yesterday and swings by my place to grab the boys. I happened to be outside doing some shoveling because this god-forsaken winter just won't go away. Anyways, she pulls up, gets out of her car and has a tear in her eye. Her first words were "Don't you even love me a little bit"? I would have liked a picture of my facial expression, it would have been a dandy! She gave me a big hug and started rubbing my back. I think I was in some sort of shock, it seemed that I couldn't move. Mind you, I'm a sucker for a back rub...but I digress. She went on to start talking about how much she thought of the kids and ME while down there...wishing our family could have been there.
So I somehow weasel myself out of the situation and the boys came out and off they went.
So, I'm guessing the trip to Cuba wasn't that great???? Plus she brought me back a 6 pack of cuban cigars???? I don't know how to feel, my first thought is that I somehow feel bad for the dude who took her there. Shock, disbelief, really not sure how to take this bizarre state of events.