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? D Day 2?

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bluelightshine posted 2/19/2014 16:50 PM

I have only posted a couple times through my whole experience with adultery but I always have read the forums and I wanted to say how much you all have inspired me and helped me through my crisis. Again I need your help. Maybe this time I will overcome my self consciousness and continue to contribute.

My WH left me for ow and lived with her for about a year. I had filed for D and was NC as much as possible. He came to me after leaving ow and apologized, said he had made the worst mistake of his life. I put the divorce on hold and we have been working to R. Its been rough as I have learned more and more of what really happened and that he is a sex addict.

We have been living together for about 3 months now. Today he just told me that about 6 years ago he was getting blow jobs from prostitutes and started doing that again while living with OW. He says he is trying to completely come clean and to really heal from everything. I am shocked. He told me thats part of the reason he left me for OW so he wouldn't have this hanging over his head. So he could start again so to speak.

I really thought we were doing so well. I was happy this morning. I'm not really feeling much, almost numb and am worried about stds. When talking to him I get angry. I'm so overwhelmed. I can't process this. Its not as bad as before but it feels the same. Everything is different all over again.

I want things to go back to the way they were before. I don't want to deal with this. It seems like why should it matter it was before OW right? Long ago, but it does and it changes everything.

Do I leave? He told me this and he didn't have too. But wait I already said that before too. Still didn't know everything. I don't know what I want and or should do.

He says he wants help. We are in financial hell because of the previous separation and his actions while living with OW. I think maybe he's finally getting it but I don't know how I feel about that cause I thought he had gotten it before. I could keep going. Advice please? What should I be looking at now? Anything I should be considering?
Thank you so much for any responses.

Morhurt posted 2/19/2014 17:21 PM

Remember to breath. You don't have to decide anything today, or tomorrow or even next week. Give yourself space and time. This is an added trauma, it will take time to process.
Big ((hugs)) to you.

bluelightshine posted 2/19/2014 17:42 PM

Thanks Morhurt. I'm trying to breath. I don't know what to do with myself right now. Thank you for the reminder that I don't have to do anything right now.

JanaGreen posted 2/19/2014 17:43 PM

I'm so sorry - what a shock. I agree with morhurt, you can take time to process. ((Hugs)) to you.

bluelightshine posted 2/19/2014 18:31 PM

Thanks Jana. I'm overwhelmed. I want my WH to hold me right now but also want space. I'm so conflicted in my needs its crazy.

Kelany posted 2/20/2014 07:07 AM

Get the books:

Out of the Shadows by Patrick Carnes for him.

Mending a Shattered Heart by Stefanie Carnes for you.

Also he can start going to 12 step SA meetings immediately. They are free.

It's a START.

bluelightshine posted 2/20/2014 08:50 AM

Thanks Samantha I will be getting both books. I will also talk to him about SA meetings. This will help me with something to do. Thanks so much

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