Thank you everyone for just reading and lending an ear.
So I told him that he is on a time limit. He needs to be truthful and honest even if he knows it will hurt me, I need the truth.
Tonight after our sons hockey game (FRI) he promised me that he will phone her in front of me and put the NC order in place. I am hoping he says all the things to her that my mind and heart need to hear.
Like I have said he is not an emotional person and if he couldn't find the words, to please write them down. He started that tonight and left some of the notes he wrote on the counter this morning for me to read.
He put them in bullet form. I will write it word for word.
- yelling and screaming (not all the time)
-not showing love when I touch you..all I need is even a touch back or something
-sex only on your terms I don't want it on my terms (sometimes)
-yes I enjoy you working seeing you happy
-sex with OW was easy..always there
-Affection was always there with OW
-I want and need my family back
-Text messaging was the only way we communicated..never a phone conversation
-sex was horrible (wasn't even sex) 5-10 sec
-I am an affectionate person
-I will communicate more with you
- I didn't find her attractive
-OW was there for communication
I appreciate everything you do to keep this family together
- I know it will take a long time to forgive me, and I will do what it takes to be with my family
- Never had any feeling for her
- You wanted to know "why", she told me what I needed to hear
She showed me affection (you also but not enough) I don't need it every second of everyday but a lot more.
- Love you I'll think of more today!
So what are your thoughts? Mine are that is most of what he put are selfish on his part. Not one of those things on there is something that he couldn't have come to me and talk to me about it. Maybe he was scared of the reaction I would have? Its no secret that I wear the pants..I have to..I am the glue..I am the emotional one..I am a very black and white person and tell it how it is.
Sometimes I am mean and can say hurtful things, but after 17 years he knows that I have never meant them. If I was unhappy with him I would have been the selfish one and left a long time ago. Most of the time I was unhappy with myself and he just got caught in the crossfire. I am 37 and just trying to figure it all out.
I appreciate all the imput...please tell me what you think. I will post more I promise...I need to.