My BS and I went away for the weekend, we had a really tough week last week but it was already planned and we both agreed we were looking forward to it.
Had a great time, felt we reconnected and had a MC session yesterday. The session was good, both sharing tough stuff but I feel like we are not moving forward anymore. We both feel we are at a bit of an in-pass right now. I know from some of my behaviors lately that I am reaching my breaking point. She knows something has to happen, but said she doesn't think she can give me what I need.
I called her last night and left a vm telling her I wanted to meet today or tomorrow to talk about how we move forward. She texted me back at about 3:00 AM (We were both awake) and agreed.
Basically I said I really don't know where we are gonna go from here. She replied she doesn't either but we'll make a decision and come to an understanding together. Her tone was sympathetic and sweet.
Many people on here have given me good advice lately, but I have chosen not to follow it. I have this unending faith that this is going to work out, but I think it is starting to take a toll on me. I know this might sound funny but I feel like my selfish needs are getting in the way of me loving myself.
I think we both are willing to negotiate, and I also discussed setting timelines for agreements so they can be revisited and changed, etc. I think the scariest part for me is I know this time I will walk away, at least for the time being if we can't come to an understanding.
I feel so selfish, but the flip flopping and cake eating are just becoming too much. The man that toughed out the first 3-4 months with confidence and no hope in sight has become an insecure depressed person.
Maybe it's time for me to go back to the beginning, focus on my kids, myself and my business. I'm just so scared to let go after seeing the light so bright. I know she has alot of healing to do, maybe she needs to do this part without my help.
Gonna be a long night...