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Leia posted 2/19/2014 21:19 PM

I've been reading posts off and on for a couple of days now, and this is my first topic. We are in the beginning stages of divorce (as far as I can tell). Tonight was the kids' first counseling appointment. While DS is in talking with the counselor, and DD is--thankfully--in the bathroom STBXH calls me. He tells me that he is in the area an asks if we want to go to dinner! WTH?!? I kindly tell him no, that I have food at home waiting in the croc pot and kids need to get to bed early for school tomorrow. He then asks how he contacts the counselor's office for his parent visit, as they don't have a phone number on the web site. No, he didn't see the phone number that is in big, bold, numbers and "contact us" blinking at him!!! This is the guy that served me first, cleaned out the bank account, and spent Valentine's Day with his whore! He also told DS that we're divorcing because I didn't have dinner ready when he came home from work. And he wants me to go to dinner!?! I appreciate thoughts on this behavior because I'm flummoxed.

ButterflyGirl posted 2/19/2014 21:45 PM

What a dick.. My advice? No more phone calls. Text or email only.

TrustedHer posted 2/19/2014 22:15 PM

It's hard, really hard, but eventually you need to come to grips with this thought:

You can't figure out the "why" of crazy.

And yet we all try, over and over again.

Remember, in his mind, regardless what he's done, he's not the bad guy in this story. So he'll be shocked, shocked, to discover you don't want to spend time with him, and take advice from him, or help him with phone numbers.

Speaking of which, you're not his secretary any more. He fired you from that. He can find his own phone numbers. If you're still in the same house, he can also do his own laundry, cooking, cleaning, and grocery shopping. You're fired, remember?

It's easier if you let his calls go to voicemail and respond via text. He'll eventually get the clue. It might take a while.

Since you're relatively new here, I'd like to recommend reading as much as you can in the healing library. The link is in the yellow box at the top left of the screen.

Leia posted 2/20/2014 09:18 AM

Thanks ButterflyGirl and TrustedHer. I'm treading lightly right now until some things go through the court. I did talk to him this morning and my mantra was "please email me with that information" and "Now is not a good time I have to get DS off to school." Which was true.

TrustedHer--I have books recommended from the healing library waiting for me at my local library. Before I found out about the A, when things were bad and it was my fault, I quit doing his laundry. When he moved out I made sure to give him his f-ing kale and fish fillets from the fridge. Otherwise, he is on his own! Can't wait to hit him with this month's bills. He has no clue how to even pay bills.

Can't wait for some of these questions to be answered. Thank you for your support and advice.

norabird posted 2/20/2014 10:40 AM

Shocking how actions have consequences, isn't it?

It would take a mind-reader to figure this out, except that whatever justification is going on inside his head isn't worth the time to worry about. That doesn't stop us from wondering of course because it's insane and frustrating behavior! But you can't make sense out of nonsense.

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