SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Livingalie2014 posted 2/20/2014 00:47 AM

My IC has me very worried. My husband and I are trying to reconcile. I have my eyes wide open, but am trying my best. Well the other day I asked my IC to give me his thoughts. He said my job is to remain neutral and help you through this process, but I have to tell you I'm worried about you. It made me feel sad and depressed.

Has this happened to anyone?

Livingalie2014 posted 2/20/2014 00:48 AM

Sorry. Not sure if the title makes sense.

LivinginLimbo posted 2/20/2014 07:58 AM

I use the same counselor for IC as we do for MC. She has expressed being worried about me but I don't feel it's a bad thing.

Part of this process is self-exploration. I know that I'm not the same person and my FWH is definitely not who I thought he was.

My counselor's biggest concern is my finding something that makes me happy and distracts me from obsessing about the cheating. (I've had major health issues that limited my physical activity for a long time.) Now that I am able to be more mobile, it's becoming easier.

You have enough to be concerned about. If you're not comfortable with your counselor, you may want to look into finding one who is a better fit.

Dawn58 posted 2/20/2014 09:25 AM

My IC was worried about me because the impact the affair has had on my sleep. Over time it has gotten better, but I still have many nights when I don't sleep much. Between the affair and menopause, sleep isn't happening!!!!!

ziganska posted 2/20/2014 14:17 PM

Yes, my IC has told me she's concerned about me and my health as, after almost 3 months, I'm still not sleeping or eating (lost 30 lbs). She also realizes I'm slipping into a depression, which I am, and insisted upon me going to a psychiatrist to get meds, which I'm now on. I wouldn't take it as anything other than concern, which is nice to have from a professional who knows how much pain you must be going through. If it helps, I would encourage you to tell him that what he says makes you feel sad, just so he can clarify. I'm sure he just doesn't want you to feel alone in this.

Skan posted 2/20/2014 15:55 PM

After we "graduated" from MC, I went to our MC a couple of times as an IC to bounce a couple of things off of him. When I found out about my FWHs pornography stash and the "subject" of the stash, I needed someone IRL to talk to so I went back to the MC as an IC. Due to my PTSD both now and early in my life, after we had talked for almost an hour, he gave his honest opinion that I should really consider leaving FWH that I might never be able to feel "safe" around him. (Let me be really clear, no physical abuse from FWH, all my previous trauma issues of lack of safety got triggered really badly.)

I think him saying that was what gave me a real courage to be utterly sure that if needed, I would not only be Ok without FWH, but I would thrive. That changed a lot for me, mentally.

iamsoblind42 posted 2/20/2014 16:56 PM

I had an MC tell me 7 years ago that I should get a D but said because of doctor/client confidentiality she could not go into details. My WH was seeing her for IC as well. Wish I would have listened. Could have saved myself this round of pain.

Flourgirl posted 2/21/2014 01:56 AM

Yes both my MC and IC were worried about me. I was in deep denial about the emotional abuse at WH hands. It took 2 months of counseling before I stopped blaming OW. Don't get me wrong I still hate her but I'm working on it. I also finally got angry with WH 2 months ago. My eyes are wide open and I can't close them now. My MC is very proud of me. I still fall but I'm getting there. They aren't as worried anymore. I let WH get away with murder but not anymore. I think I may have found my bitch boots!