[This message edited by joannie at 1:55 AM, February 21st (Friday)]
From what I understand, you are in a small village in France and the OW is also living very close to you. Is she within walking distance?
Since you are in a small village/hamlet that probably means everyone in the village knows everyone else, and what is happening in their lives and homes.
Is the Affair common knowledge in the village?
Does the OW have a Husband (BH)?
You say that you feel very uncomfortable when you go out.
Are you a newcomer to the village or is this the home place of either you or your husband? Do either of you have family nearby?
Your WH is still in contact with her. He becomes upset when you ask him about it.
It also sounds like you are isolated, having lost friends and family over this.
Do you have any friends that are only your friends, and not also those of your husband?
Of course you don't feel happy and a bit like you are going mad. He is asking you to trust him, when he can NOT be trusted.
He is still talking to her because he is maintaining the Affair. Even if it isn't still physical.
He is maintaining an emotional connection to her, at the very least. By keeping his connection to her, he is making it more important than your happiness and well being.
The problem is not how attractive or sexy you are. You are enough. The problem is that he lies and hides things. He is the problem.
He should not be in contact with her. At all. Ever. There is no reason for you to trust him if he is still in contact with her.
I am sorry
Im so sorry for the way you are feeling. I don't know how your WH thinks you should trust him?
So the OW walks past your house on a daily basis? UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!
Your neighbours knew about the affair before you? NICE!!!!
Are you afraid to say anything to your WH? IMO the OW needs to know you know that there is still contact and I would be telling her that there will no longer be any contact between the two of them. I would also be telling your husband that there is to no longer be any contact.
What a nasty lady she is! giving you dirty looks!
As for your son... He probably is hurting for you. I know from my experience that my youngest son who is 25 (he was home for a visit when the affair was discovered) he told my WH he was disgusted in his fathers behavior and that I should leave. Your children hurt for you when things like this happen. They want to defend the parent who has been hurt, and cant comprehend why we choose to stay. He will come around you'll see.
Have you done the 180 on your WH? Show him you mean business. Put those Bitch boots on everyone here always talks about. Be strong, don't take this for one more minute. Put your foot down. No more contact!!!!!! NONE!
Life is not measured by the breaths we take
but by the moments that take our breath away.
How can you say you have the results you wanted? I'm sure this isn't what you wanted. Is the result you wanted in the fact he decided to "stay"? I can tell just physically staying is not enough for you. It's not enough for most. And you feel it.
So it doesn't matter "why" he's talking to her, it matters "that" he's talking to her. And he gets upset when you try to speak with him about this? These are all common red
Flags for a continuing affair and your gut is telling you what your head doesn't want to hear. Understandable.
It's time to confront, 180, give ultimatums, kick him out,you move out, or see if you accept your H has a girlfriend. Sucks big time. I'm so sorry.
Your son must see some of this, likely more clearly than you and is mad for you. How does he feel about his father?
I need to be reassured and it is making him upset so I know that even if I find out they have spoken I must keep quiet now.
No, no, no, no. You are tiptoeing around a man who is flaunting his continued contact with his AP (affair partner) when you are in the right! He is making you feel guilty when HE is the one who is wrong.
You ARE enough: sexy enough, attractive enough, whatever. This is NOT about your deficiencies. Do not feel ashamed or inadequate.
But you need to stop letting him do whatever he wants. Find your backbone, insert it, and demand the respect you deserve.
Can you honestly say that you are happy with the way things are? If the answer is no then YOU have to change them.
If he ends the marriage, he was never in it in the first place.
Married 27 years. Together 29.
3 children 24, 21, 14
OW sex addict and romance addict according to MC.
^^^^ ding ding ding. This is really important to understand. He has to want to be with you. Instead it just sounds like he wants to be able to bully you into accepting his control of the situation.