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Thank you all (warning love in possibly ahead)

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HurtsButImOK posted 2/20/2014 05:05 AM

Somewhat gratuitous love in post .

Just wanted to give a huge thank you and hug to all who contribute to this particular forum and SI at large.

Whilst I am technically 'divorced' and moving forward, at times (today for example) I still get hit with an overwhelming sense that I am broken. This life is not what I imagined or planned. It is so much better in many ways yet 'new normal' is still not normal. I know it is a temporary feeling, these dips certainly do not last like they used to, but what helps most is being able to read and empathize with others who are struggling.

We are so very blessed to have this site. There are people from all around the world, at different stages who are so kind as to share not only their struggles but the BTDT wisdom.

So thank you all. Your contribution helps so very much. Don't be afraid to join in if you are new, there is such a wonderful group of people here ready, willing and able to help.

Some times it is tough love, if it causes discomfort though it is worth looking into.


And after that deluge of appreciation the thought that knocked me for a 6 today - 36 and never been loved in a healthy way. What triggered this - yesterday dive instructor dropped underwater on one knee to replace a fin of mine that had come off. Nothing romantic about it, yet it was still more decency or concern than what my now x showed me over 16 years

SBB posted 2/20/2014 05:17 AM

I could quote the whole thing but I'll limit myself to these:

36 and never been loved in a healthy way

On my way to 39 and I'm right there with you.

Just wanted to give a huge thank you and hug to all who contribute to this particular forum and SI at large.

+1,000,000. I don't know anyone IRL who has been through this. I remember when I found SI I wondered what the hell it was because it was so different. I also wondered why the hell there were so many members.

Nothing romantic about it, yet it was still more decency or concern than what my now x showed me over 16 years

I so get this. Genuine, no strings attached, no tax to pay, no grand public gesture to show everyone what a great guy he is. That damned Dr Phil-ism always ringing in my ears: "what is important to a man is how he treats his wife behind closed doors when no one is looking".

It can take your breath away when it happens. Then you're sad that you didn't realise you were missing it for so long.

Hold yourself gently through the dip, friend. I think of them as labour pains to the birth of my healthy future.

wonderpets posted 2/20/2014 06:14 AM

I don't think I ever get too verbose in my posts, but this site has been therapy for me. I am 2 years out, already remarried, but I still think I need to process everything that happened a little more to stay healthy in my head. I've still got some anger, and the typical XWS whose life went completely out of control.

Anyways, I am very thankful for this place.

HurtsButImOK posted 2/20/2014 08:08 AM

Thanks SBB & wonderpets.

It sounds so pathetic to think 'gosh, this randomish stranger really didn't want me to drown'. My x, wouldn't have noticed and if he did, it was a deliberate attack against him to garner sympathy for myself.

Fuck I hate finding these remnants.

Pass posted 2/20/2014 09:22 AM

I know what you mean. I often look at complaints about husbands on here and think, "But wait ... I was one of the good ones!" What gives me hope is that there are probably just as many women on here thinking the same thing when I complain about The Princess.

The truth is that we all managed to find someone who doesn't deserve our awesomeness, but there are people out there who do deserve us - and they're wondering where'n hell we are.

GingerAle posted 2/20/2014 09:28 AM

We are so very blessed to have this site. There are people from all around the world, at different stages who are so kind as to share not only their struggles but the BTDT wisdom.


A huge amen to this. I shudder to think of what I would have done and would continue to do without this place. Huge hugs and tons of gratitude to all of you!

yestopants posted 2/20/2014 10:13 AM

^^I second this sentiment!

The truth is that we all managed to find someone who doesn't deserve our awesomeness, but there are people out there who do deserve us - and they're wondering where'n hell we are.

and pass this gives me hope.


36 and never been loved in a healthy way.

This^^ is true for me too.
((HurtsButImOk)) you are awesome. thank you for sharing.

BAB61 posted 2/20/2014 11:10 AM

I second, third and fourth this post!!! Without SI I would most likely be feeding the STBX ego kibbles and cake! Dealing with TT and not even being aware of the gaslighting going on. False R would be my life, followed (if I found out) by another D-Day .. and another!!


SI has given me so much knowledge, so much support in being able to use that knowledge to help ME ... so yeah ... kudos to all y'all!

MissMovingOn posted 2/20/2014 11:14 AM

I want in on the love in!

This particular forum has been such a giant source of strength for me.

Love you all to pieces!

Jduff posted 2/20/2014 14:42 PM

The truth is that we all managed to find someone who doesn't deserve our awesomeness, but there are people out there who do deserve us - and they're wondering where'n hell we are.

Very, VERY true!

One of those deserving people out there found me (or I should say we found each other) and it's been absolutely wonderful.

I came across this site in my search to find a forum on how to deal with STBX during a D process. Now, I'm blown away by the many stories here, the shared wisdom, and the support. This place has answered many questions I have for my STBXW that I now don't need to ask her. The WS script is so freakishly common! I wish I found this place when my own struggle started, but even today it and its members still help me. Especially with the anger stage.

More importantly, this place showed I was not alone in my own struggles, and that thousands and certainly millions of others are going through similar crisis in their relationships and we are the few lucky 42k plus who happened across this goldmine of support. I've already pointed a few more of my friends to this place as they are going through their relationship struggles.

You all are darn good people!

Tripletrouble posted 2/20/2014 17:57 PM

I never miss the chance to throw some love around on SI! You guys are the best. I remember my first post in JFO. I cried when I saw all the ((hugs)), and I was finally in the company of those who understood. But 5 months ago when I moved to the DS forum, it was like walking into a room full of family. Sappy I suppose given that we are all strangers, but you all here are AWESOME.

HurtsButImOK posted 2/20/2014 18:33 PM

I feel the love even though we might be separated by vast distances. (((hugs to all)))

@ SBB - Sorry for the cricket reference

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