The irony is that he was still a man with zero integrity until
he owned up to the depth of the EA between them and the sordidness of the sexual details. Up until
this point, he hasn't been worth
the risk of R. He had already committed these acts but wasn't man enough to own
them. He wasn't committed enough to your
healing to tell you the truth. He still held onto the secrets he shared with OW and kept you as the outsider.
But in telling you this, he has finally broken that bond with the OW and has started to have some integrity again. If I am correct, you found out about another place they had sex, but the meals out, the birthday treat and the classroom sex were things that you still didn't know - so he actually offered them up to you. He even told you that he told her he loved her. Hurtmyhusband, even though you caught him in trickle truth, the fact is, it seems he has owned more than you caught.
No, it doesn't change the sordidness of it, or that he chose to lie to your face for over two years - but to me, it is the first sign that he's put you first. The first sign of a 'break' in his loyalty to the affair.
Because of that, if I were you I wouldn't rush the decision. It is true that now is the first time that you can make a choice based on the true facts, but you also may be less emotional because you are still in shock - and that's no time to make a decision this big either. It may be worth waiting, just for a bit, to watch his actions from here. See if he can carry on owning it, still carry on answering any questions you have, carry on in IC and see if he can start to earn even just a little of your respect back, because I think he really is only just beginning to emerge from the fog. Up until this point he still had loyalty to the affair - now, in telling you the truth he has finally put his loyalty with you.
Of course, it may just be a deal-breaker now you know the depth of it all and that is absolutely your choice to make. He made his choice to have an affair and ended the marriage 2 years ago - what happens from here on out is your choice - but I do think you may be less emotional because you are still in shock, and he's only just become a man who is even worth thinking about R'ing with.
ETA. I don't think he's all the way there yet in owning it all either because I think he's still minimising the EA aspect - but he has started to own it hmh - and with continued IC he may get all the way there. Sometimes 'time' is a dirty word but it does seem to take some waywards time to de-fog, and this is only two months out from a two year affair. They say 2-5 years to R so this is still really early days for the both of you....and of course the clock has just been set back to zero with the trickle truth.
[This message edited by sinsof thefather at 8:08 AM, February 20th (Thursday)]