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Newest Member: BrokeninSept17 (61547)

User Topic: Is this like a 180?
♀ 41245
Member # 41245
Default  Posted: 7:18 AM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This morning I woke up at around 5am, and had a realization. I'm just tired of being unhappy. I left the bed and went to the other room so I could rest without feeling burdened by WH. It's just that in the past I have struggled so hard to succeed at any cost - and preserve others' happiness and plans - that it's like my own happiness, or lack thereof had become invisible to me. WH and I are caregivers - and despite living with mil and doing all that is in my power to do, H keeps telling me I'm not doing enough, or not doing it in the right way. I feel like a subordinate - and am essentially serving the two of them. I guess I feel kind of brainwashed about it. If he keeps communicating that I'm not important then it starts to seem real and true. So when I came back into the room he announced he was going to stop being on his phone when I was there (he's a computer addict) - and then he helped me make my lunch (unlike him). It was nice but I didn't really care. I'm tired of struggling with him - begging him to pay attention to me and not pay so much attention to other women.

If this is a 180, I like it and want to learn more. I want to move in the direction of my own happiness.

Married 10 years, together for 15
Me: BS Him: chronic boundary issues, EA for 2 years, DD Spring 2013

Posts: 296 | Registered: Nov 2013
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I see the 180 as having 2 parts.

One part is about detaching from the WS - I think it's appropriate when the WS is unremorseful. This part really is a struggle against the WS.

One part is about connecting with one's self - owning your power, knowing your wants and needs, knowing you're loving, lovable, and capable, with a decision to stop accepting crumbs from WS. That's appropriate for all BSes, IMO. This is a struggle for the BS, not against anyone.

It sounds like you're doing the 2nd part.

fBH (me) - 66 on d-day, Married 43, together 45 on d-day, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
Most of us know only our own experience. That's not enough data to support a general rule that D, or R, is right in every sitch.

Posts: 16813 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Illinois
♀ 40166
Member # 40166
Default  Posted: 11:59 AM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't done the 180 so I won't comment on that... But good for you for going to the other room to get some rest. I think he's taking you for granted and I'm not surprised you're feeling used and abused. Keep following what YOU need. You're not his servant!

Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.

Posts: 1127 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 3

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