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Off Topic :
Personal question about orgasms

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 kickintheface (original poster member #34350) posted at 2:34 PM on Thursday, February 20th, 2014

Have always wondered this but never asked, and it feels so safe to ask here. So, I'm not very interested in sex, never have been. I do orgasm when I have sex, but it is not the same as when I orgasm when masturbating. I am able to orgasm within a minute on my own and it almost feels like an electrical current is sent through my entire pelvic region...it's an enjoyable feeling. The next day every muscle in my body will be sore. When I'm with my husband (or any other past partners) I don't get that same feeling at all...no electrical sensation, just a quick good feeling and then I don't want them to touch me anymore. Am I wrong that these experiences are both orgasms? Am I just better at making me orgasm than past partners?

Thanks...wow, that was embarassing!

BS-Me (38), WS-Him (37) M-13 yrs
2 innocent children
EA OW-ex fiance/Mother of his OC that is 14, just found this out.
The hardest part about walking away from someone is when you realize that no matter how slow you go, they will never run after you.

posts: 113   ·   registered: Dec. 31st, 2011
id 6693531
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InnerLight ( member #19946) posted at 3:29 PM on Thursday, February 20th, 2014

I think your past partners and ex were/are not paying enough attention to your clitoris. You can ask your H to spend more time there before intercourse. Many women do not have strong orgasms or orgasms at all if there is not direct stimulation of the clitoris during intercourse. You can do this best by stimulating yourself while having intercourse, in certain positions this is easier than others. Sometimes a guy can do this for you, but they might lose their concentration at the key moment. This is a good topic to discuss w your husband so that he can help you have a better experience.

[This message edited by InnerLight at 9:31 AM, February 20th (Thursday)]

BS, 64 yearsD-day 6-2-08D after 20 years together
The journey from Armageddon to Amazing Life happens one step at a time. Don't ever give up!

posts: 6688   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2008   ·   location: Rural California
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TrulyReconciled ( member #3031) posted at 3:30 PM on Thursday, February 20th, 2014

Maybe lay off the 220 volt BOB for awhile??? Just saying ...

[This message edited by TrulyReconciled at 9:32 AM, February 20th (Thursday)]

"In a time of deceit, telling the Truth is a revolutionary act."

posts: 22740   ·   registered: Dec. 29th, 2003   ·   location: Hell and back, way back :o)
id 6693621
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EvenKeel ( member #24210) posted at 3:38 PM on Thursday, February 20th, 2014

There are different types.

When I had my hysterectomy last year, I was thinking maybe I would not be able to anymore since I believed all O's were connected with contractions of the uterus/cervix. Now that I don't have either of these - I know that all types are not based in those regions because everything still 'works'.

I would guess what you are experiencing is both O's just coming from different stimulation (g-spot vs clitoris, etc).

Am I just better at making me orgasm than past partners?

I am right there with ya GF. I am much better with me vs others. However, I am going to work on changing this whenever I jump off this bus.

TR......pah...never!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

posts: 6985   ·   registered: May. 31st, 2009   ·   location: Pennsylvania
id 6693633
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movingforward777 ( member #6850) posted at 4:40 PM on Thursday, February 20th, 2014

I think we are all better at doing it for ourselves because we know where to go and how to do things to make it feel good!

Once your partner learns what it takes you can have amazing orgasms. All it takes is being able to "direct" them to the right spot, the right pressure, the right length of time and you are away to the races!

It can bring back some fun and excitement while your partner learns what you need, so go for it!

You can't reach for anything new if your hands are still full of yesterday's junk.......Louise Smith

posts: 4877   ·   registered: Apr. 9th, 2005   ·   location: Ontario
id 6693757
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sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 4:47 PM on Thursday, February 20th, 2014

Almost 50 years, ago Masters & Johnson reported that the physical aspects of O were stronger from masturbating than from coitus. I'm not sure about current research, though.

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 31149   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 5:51 PM on Thursday, February 20th, 2014

There are definitely different types of O for women, and many women do not reach O during intercourse, and even more who do reach O during intercourse will tell you that it's not the same, and that it's mild.

Now here's the trick. Your partner needs to make sure you O at least one time prior to intercourse, this kind of primes the engine so to speak, and will allow you have a better O from intercourse, in addition, trying different positions so he can get deeper, and an angle that is going to hit that g spot. If he isn't hitting it then O's are not nearly as intense.

If youre not too embarrassed and really want to improve things then go to an adult store, and get a few toys, one that is designed to hit the magically, always elusive gspot, and the vibrators for clitoral stim help too. Using these while having intercourse will take your O to a new level.

I am a firm believer in good sex, makes you want more sex, and the more sex you have the better it gets. When you start to experience these great O's then you want to do it more, and your partner wants to please you more, and well it becomes a not so vicious circle.

Most of all try to make if fun.

Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 20380   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
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EvenKeel ( member #24210) posted at 7:16 PM on Thursday, February 20th, 2014

Tushnurse.....you go GF!!!!!!

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TrulyReconciled ( member #3031) posted at 7:25 PM on Thursday, February 20th, 2014

If he isn't hitting it then O's are not nearly as intense.

I didn't know that ...

[This message edited by TrulyReconciled at 1:26 PM, February 20th (Thursday)]

"In a time of deceit, telling the Truth is a revolutionary act."

posts: 22740   ·   registered: Dec. 29th, 2003   ·   location: Hell and back, way back :o)
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 7:40 PM on Thursday, February 20th, 2014

I know this is a I free zone, but I can say that his A freed me sexually ....Kinda like I dont' have anything to loose, so I'm gonna enjoy it.

And 5 years out still going at it like a couple of kids.....

Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 20380   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
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purplejacket4 ( member #34262) posted at 10:16 PM on Thursday, February 20th, 2014

Another thing to try is to have oral sex performed on you FIRST. Having an orgasm first loosens up all the muscles down there and "primes the pump" so to speak for intercourse. This is something I often recommend to my patients when they complain of sexual anorgasmia problems.

Me: BS 50
Her: FWS 53 (both family med MDs; together 23 years)
OW: who cares (PhD)
Dday: 10/11: 11/11 TT for months; NC 8/12
Limboconsiliationish
"band aids don't fix bullet holes" Taylor Swift
I NEVER mind medical ???

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 kickintheface (original poster member #34350) posted at 12:38 AM on Friday, February 21st, 2014

Thanks for the replies everyone! 220 volt BOB...HA! That was hilarious! Crazy thing is, I've never even used one before. And as far as oral goes, while I enjoy it, I get the same feeling I get through intercourse even if I orgasm from it.

Maybe it's the fact that I didn't really love the people I slept with when we started sleeping together. My best experience sexually was with my first love, who I loved so very much...no orgasm but I still consider it the best because there was love before there was sex.

Oh well, at least I know how to make me happy!

BS-Me (38), WS-Him (37) M-13 yrs
2 innocent children
EA OW-ex fiance/Mother of his OC that is 14, just found this out.
The hardest part about walking away from someone is when you realize that no matter how slow you go, they will never run after you.

posts: 113   ·   registered: Dec. 31st, 2011
id 6694546
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 1:35 AM on Friday, February 21st, 2014

Please don't take offense to this based on what you are satin I would have to venture to say that you probably have never really experienced good orgasms.

If oral vs penatrive vs anything Else is at the same level for you it's time to quit focusing on love and intamacy and start focusing on screwing for good Os. Make it a challenge ands get a vibe and some lube and a gspot toy and have at it.

I used to enjoy it but never really craved it and certainly didn't get how awesome it could be until I let loose and focused on myself.

Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 20380   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 6694624
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JustDesserts ( member #39665) posted at 1:50 AM on Friday, February 21st, 2014

I would suggest looking past the partners, the mechanics, clitoris', oral, climax first, climax last, climax slow, climax fast.

IMHO your post is all about your MIND as a sensual and sexual catalyst and/or inhibitor. Why are you so comfortable solo? And so uninterested with partners?

Fear, trust, inhibitions, shame, guilt?

I really have no idea about YOU, but your mind is where you might start.

JD

2 year EA/PA. DDay 3/12. Broke NC 6/13 w/one stupid 5 line e-mail (which brought me to SI). Me: WH, 51. Her: BW, 50. Married 20 years. Two kids. Dog. Reconciling...together.

posts: 404   ·   registered: Jun. 26th, 2013   ·   location: Suburbia, New England, USA
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