First, I want to send you a bunch of hugs for having to live through all this mind fuckery. (((((Dragonfly711))))) The battle inside doesn't end but it does soften over time. Time time time. Everyone hates that word but it is true. Continue to process all these shitty feelings. Talk about it here, in IC (are you in IC?), IRL friends and family.
I struggle to find a way to help him find the love again & only get torn down for any & everything .
Focus on finding the love for YOU. He is a grown as man and shouldn't depend on YOU to help him find the love again. Focus on healing YOU and rebuilding YOUR life. His affair may have destroyed the woman you once were but from these ashes, you will rise and evolve to an even more amazing YOU.