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Another Father of the year

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Lola2kids posted 2/20/2014 09:13 AM

I met a guy about 4.5 years ago. My boys were 6 and 4. We moved in together after a year of dating. We've been married for almost 2 years now. My H, Aussie adores the boys. He doesn't have any kids of his own.

He's been to the ER for a screaming 3 yr old, on Christmas Eve, for a horrible ear infection. He's helped clean puke off the wall, after the child on the top bunk couldn't make it down in time. He's coached football. He's had empty t-shirt drawers because little monsters stole his Halo shirts to sleep in. Last weekend, he stayed home with them, and their friends so i could take a newly single friend out for Valentine's Day. He's carried sleeping 10 yr olds in from the car, and shouted it was bedtime to the half dozen boys sleeping over, and laid in bed beside me smiling when we heard them whispering still 20 minutes later. He's tripped over his tools left in the yard, and taught them to use the snow blower, the power drill, and the lawn mower. He's held them on his lap or let them climb in bed with us when thunderstorms had them scared. He's afraid of water, and when we vacation on the beach, he'll go out as far as the kids will, because they asked him to. When the kids hear the garage door open, I can't beat them into his hugs, they win every time. You would never be able to prove they aren't his.

This quote from Weatherly on Libertyrock's thread had me literally in tears.

Where are the father's like this?
I see them on this board but they are betrayed by their WW's.

My dad voluntarily turned his back on his 6 children and 4 grandchildren because my eldest sister told him that she didn't approve of his "relationship" with his married "travel buddy". He cut ties with us and hasn't spoken to any one of us in over 10 years.

I have almost 10 year old twin girls that he has never met. They have never met their grandfather. I also never met my mother's father (my grandfather now deceased) due to the circumstances between my mother and him. He was divorced from my grandmother in the 1940's!!

X is engaged to his former girlfriend from 25 years ago. She divorced her husband last year to become engaged and has custody of her 11 or 12 year old son.
Her X pays support and her parents take care of the boy. She apparently has said she's not much of a mother (ya think?)
X lives here in Canada and she lives in Switzerland. They have no plans (that I know of) to rectify this situation.

I found out this week that X is currently in Switzerland babysitting her son while she is on a business trip so that X and the boy can "bond".

This is a man who has twin girls that he saw 3% of the time last year with a grand total of 5 overnights for 2013.

This is the man who takes them only when his parents are around to actually take care of them.

This is the man who lied and told his kids that he was going back to his home country "sometime in February" to do and internship and look for a job.

This is the man who never tells me when he is in town or out of town.

This is a man who pays CS from his father's bank account so that it doesn't affect his credit rating.

This is a man who pays for extracurriculars sporadically but at least he eventually does pay.

He has no life insurance that benefits the girls.

He has never paid one cent into the RESP that I have for them (post secondary education fund).

This man is not a dad.
He is a sperm donor.

I am furious that he is becoming a father to a child when he has 2 of his own.

Who can do this?
What kind of broken do you have to be to be this kind of monster?
How do I know the girls will be ok when he does see them with such a man as this?

FTG a million times.
What a complete and total waste of human skin.

[This message edited by Lola2kids at 10:19 AM, February 20th (Thursday)]

Nature_Girl posted 2/20/2014 10:16 AM

norabird posted 2/20/2014 10:34 AM

I am so sorry. Sending so many hugs to you and your girls. They are so lucky to have you as their mom.

I too teared up at Weatherly's post. Don't let the POSX take away your faith in there being better men and fathers out there.

wildbananas posted 2/20/2014 10:41 AM

Weatherly's description of Aussie also made me cry. ex-asshat was NEVER a father like this, not even when the bunch was small and we were doing okay ourselves. And now, he's sent away all four bananas, including the 10 year old last year, saying he was going to take her to a mental hospital because she kept crying for me.

I do have to say that my SO is an amazing father. He has his kids 24/7 and is so involved with them. They're so happy and relaxed together and all enjoy each other's company without being all codependent... it's just lovely to see.

They're out there. Many of us just had the misfortune of finding the opposite.

Dreamboat posted 2/20/2014 10:49 AM

Who can do this?

My X did this too. Became a father to OW's spawn while completely abandoning his own DD. Only a very broken person would do something like that.


BAB61 posted 2/20/2014 11:01 AM

Weatherly has certainly hit the Daddy Jackpot!! Kudos to her.

They're out there .. too bad we don't have a device we could wave over them to see what they're really like deep inside ... *sigh*

sef85843 posted 2/20/2014 11:42 AM

I have to admit to shedding a few tears over this post. My father left at 13 and never looked back. What's worse was the multiple attempts I made to see if he wanted me in his life. I almost feel it's worse than death to have your own parent reject you again and again. I remember when I turned 18 I called him and he yelled in the phone, "Free at last!!" because his court mandated child support for me was over (never saw a dime of mother is a different can of worms). Or when I wrote him a letter he responded that I needed to write two essays titled, "the loyal daughter" and "the dutiful daughter" as conditions to being in the same room with him.

Or how about the letter I wrote in which he responded that if I tried to see him he would have me arrested.

There's too many of these instances to count and I think you get the gist. He just decided he didn't want to be a parent and didn't think for one nanosecond how that would affect anyone else but himself. A narcissist in it's purest form.

Sometimes I really do wonder if there are truly good fathers out there or if it's just on TV and the movies. I consider my father dead because it makes it easier to cope.

Williesmom posted 2/20/2014 11:47 AM

I purposely didn't have children with my Wxh, because I think that every child deserves to have one as great as Aussie. And I knew that his selfishness would win out every time.

I just didn't think he would hurt me the way that he did, or I would have left him sooner to find my own Aussie.

The best that I can hope for is to find a single dad that is great with his kids, and hope for grandchildren.

ideservebetter45 posted 2/20/2014 12:31 PM

My ex left 3 little girls and a pregnant wife twenty some years ago and never looked back.The wife met another man eventually and he raised and loved those girls like they were his own.My ex married his lover and left her and his 5th daughter.He married me and had an affair, and left me and my 6 year old daughter. He has 6 girls that he doesnt give 2 hoots about.He thinks his nightly 1 minute phone call and a few hours a week visit is a father.Blows my mind. I wouldnt give up the baths, the homework,endless hours of playing dolls,ect ect for ANYTHING or ANYONE.I just hope my love is enough for her..that the rejection from her dad doesnt effect her in the long run.She deserves sooo much more.

cvs2kkids posted 2/20/2014 12:37 PM

I see this over and over.

My SIL XWH has a new GF every other month and takes to the kids. In the meantime. 5 year-old son he has abounded here, financially and emotionally, while he moved 1500 miles away.

INHO, these guys are using the kids to get in the pants of the OW. They are no more a father to these kids then I am to a panda bear in the zoo. Leaves a trail of distressed and broken kids.

No wonder our world is so F'd up!

jo2love posted 2/20/2014 12:52 PM

(((((Lola & kids)))))

I'm so sorry. That has to be so hard on your children's hearts. I'm glad they have a wonderful mom to lean on.

My DD's father has never paid a penny in support or seen her. In my case, it is safer for her, but she doesn't know that. So she gets sad and confused.

On the flipside, I know a woman who barely sees her kids & never pays anything. She cut short her son's bday party so she could take her daughter for a mother/daughter manicure. Oh the stories I could tell you of her nonsense.

I think there are good people out there. We'll find them.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 12:53 PM, February 20th (Thursday)]

wildbananas posted 2/20/2014 14:02 PM

My X did this too. Became a father to OW's spawn while completely abandoning his own DD.

Yeah, ex-asshat did exactly the same thing, remarried and plays father to his wife's (not OW) DD. Even though he hates the poor kid and will admit it to anyone, including his W and her DD.

That is more levels of jacked than my brain can comprehend.

[This message edited by wildbananas at 2:04 PM, February 20th (Thursday)]

nowiknow23 posted 2/20/2014 14:07 PM

(((all the kids)))

Lola2kids posted 2/20/2014 14:35 PM

exactly NIK, exactly

I just can't help but feel sorry for all the kids.

Weatherly posted 2/20/2014 16:54 PM

I didn't mean to make everybody cry!

I don't get it either though. The boys' bio dad doesn't do anything for them. And, very little with them. He left us, and since then has moved in and out of various women's homes, and plays daddy to their kids. He takes our boys every other weekend, but, usually late Friday-Early Sunday, and often times, just one day rather than have to drive them to soccer on Saturdays. The kids already hate to go visit him. And, there are a whole bunch of other little kids who miss the boys there were told were their "brothers". And, I don't understand why or how he can do this. How somebody can give no thought at all to anyone else.

Lola2kids posted 2/20/2014 19:12 PM

No Weatherly, the tears were for the beauty of the description of your Aussie.
Men like that do exist. You have given me hope.

careerlady posted 2/21/2014 02:49 AM

I do feel like all the good men are on SI because they all hooked up with bad women
Feel so bad for your kids and the other kids described on this thread but at the end of the day they may be better off without their crazy ass fathers.

Or how about the letter I wrote in which he responded that if I tried to see him he would have me arrested.


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