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tryingagain74 posted 2/20/2014 09:32 AM

I've been volunteering for a local organization for about four months now. XWH and I joined the organization about 3 1/2 years ago; at that point, the membership was 150.00. When we divorced, XWH told me that I could have the membership. We did not put this down in writing, but when we established the membership, we did establish it in my name, not his. Once we were divorced, I contacted the organization and informed them of my address change. In all this time, XWH has not been involved in the organization in any way that I'm aware of, asked me about the membership, etc.

Well, I get a call from one of the board members today, and she apologized to me for the call-- she felt very awkward about what she was about to ask. XWH and CommandOwife now want to volunteer for the organization, and they were wondering why they haven't received any correspondence from it (you know, in over a year). I told the board member that I was the one who took the membership after the D, and XWH had to establish his own membership (um... did he really think that the membership covered CommandOwife as well?). She said that she understood and that I was listed as the primary member, so that means that I am the one who owns the membership. XWH will have to purchase his own (which is now 200.00). I also made sure to tell her that we were not on friendly terms, so I did not wish to volunteer at anything they were signed up to volunteer for.

I am so annoyed. Really? REALLY? All of sudden, once I start volunteering, now they're all interested in volunteering, and XWH thinks that he's still on the membership? I can only imagine what sort of frosty, condescending email I'm going to get from him-- he'll lie and say that he never said I could have the membership, and he'll probably say I have to buy out his half for 75.00. Hmm... maybe I should just tell him that he can take me to court on that one.

I just can't believe that he and his idiot other are getting involved. Maybe they could also join the choir that I'm a part of, and maybe she could get hired as a lunch lady at my school. Yuck. I feel like I'm being stalked. XWH never volunteers for anything, and now he wants to be all involved? I'm sure that if I weren't involved, he wouldn't be.

sparkysable posted 2/20/2014 09:53 AM

Why doesn't OW just lift her leg and piss on you while she's at it?

I don't think you need to do anything or interact with him about it. The organization already said that he's going to have to get his own membership. If he throws a fit about not being able to use your membership, too damn bad.


he'll lie and say that he never said I could have the membership, and he'll probably say I have to buy out his half for 75.00. Hmm... maybe I should just tell him that he can take me to court on that one.
Let him. Plus, you don't even have to tell him to take you to court. He's just trying to engage you. I dare him to try to make a big deal out of this, and don't you dare give him "his half".

Why do they even bother with this shit?

Afraid2LoveAgain posted 2/20/2014 10:46 AM

I know everyone always says that crickets are the best response.

Personally, I think that "Go fuck yourself" is much better.

Dragonfly711 posted 2/20/2014 10:57 AM

Wow! CommandoOW has issues!
I agree tell him FO & if paths do cross, hold your head high & remember who now has the cheater! Bet she's his next ex!
You're clearly the better person! Hang tough!

sparkysable posted 2/20/2014 11:00 AM

Is this the place where you saw the cute former hollywood actor?

suckstobeme posted 2/20/2014 11:43 AM

Next he's gonna ask you to have a threesome while all the kids sit around the hearth, make crafts, and drink hot cocoa.

What a dolt. Honestly. The sense of entitlement never ceases to amaze me.

My opinion is that CommandOW is obsessed with you and is looking for ways to keep her glims on you at all costs. Thus, the reason she insists on being at your house - less than a 5 minute drive from hers - for all of the drop offs. What an insecure whore. If it wouldn't make you sick to your stomach, I'd tell you to start getting all nice with him and see if you can't just push her right over the edge.

sparkysable posted 2/20/2014 13:52 PM

Next he's gonna ask you to have a threesome while all the kids sit around the hearth, make crafts, and drink hot cocoa.
OMG stop! I'm roaring! The tears!

tryingagain74 posted 2/20/2014 20:06 PM

You know, STBM, my father said something tonight (not as hilariously revolting as your threesome comment) that was very similar. I asked him, "What does he want from me?"

My dad replied, "He wants you back. He didn't like that you kicked him to the curb, and now he wants to do whatever he can to be a part of your life."

*shudder*

I hope that's not true. I have done everything I can to be as NC with them as possible. I avoided them at DS #1's concert. I don't talk to XWH unless I have to. All correspondence is in writing and on the record; we haven't talked on the phone in I can't tell you how long. You would think that this would be wonderful news for the two lovebirds. How awesome that they can get on with their "Endless Love" without some old hag ex-wife constantly throwing up roadblocks on their romantic life journey together?

But alas... methinks that life is damn boring for them, so what better way to spice things up than to triangulate our relationship? Let's get TA74 in the same room with us, and we'll get off on her hostility and dirty looks. YEAH! That'll spice up our sex life! Let's go volunteer!

I have no idea why CommandOwife would be insecure about a woman who has VANISHED from her precious husband's life so completely. I mean, if we didn't have kids, I might very well have moved despite loving where I currently am. I want NOTHING to do with them. Her insecurity would be laughable if it weren't so annoying. Get over it, honey. YOU CAN HAVE HIM. I DON'T WANT HIM BACK. EVER.

And yes, sparkysable, that's where I first saw the hot former actor. I haven't seen him since, though. *sigh*

inconnu posted 2/20/2014 20:13 PM

I think a lot of it has to do with them trying to keep the drama triangle alive and kicking. Because without you to focus on as the evil wife/ex-wife that they have to unite together to fight against, what do they have, really? It's what binds them together.

FirstLoveGone posted 2/20/2014 20:49 PM

You do you. Don't let them intimidate you out of doing what you enjoy.

It's like they are this little gang and want to see how much they can bully you. Fuck that. Ignore their pathetic attempts at stirring up drama.

They are flies that you just swat away.

stronggirl72 posted 2/21/2014 14:34 PM

I don't get it. How would they know you were volunteering there? Did they see you there? Could it be a coincidence?

tryingagain74 posted 2/21/2014 15:10 PM

Well, I don't lie to my kids. They ask me what I do over the weekend when they're not with me, so I thought nothing of telling them that I do volunteer work. When they asked where I volunteer, I happily told them about it and what I do. I hope that I can be a role model for my kids; in fact, my eldest asked me, "Why do you work there if you don't get paid for it?" That was a great teachable moment.

My kids tell me things about XWH and CommandOwife all the time without my asking. I'm sure they do the same about me when they're at XWH's place.

It's just a little too coincidental. After all this time, and after years of living with and knowing XWH, who rarely volunteered for anything, why would they suddenly start volunteering at the exact same organization that I started volunteering in just a few months ago? At the very least, it's about their image-- perhaps one of my kids said how nice it was that I volunteered there and helped out, and they thought, "Oh, no! She looks better than we do! Let's start volunteering there as well since we never have an original thought between us and always steal TA74's ideas, and we want to make sure that we still look like The Perfect Parents."

tesla posted 2/21/2014 19:27 PM

Really? There aren't other places for them to volunteer at?

Oh, yeah - that's right, there aren't other places for them to show up and keep the drama alive. Marriage must be getting boring for them.

lastdance posted 2/23/2014 19:14 PM

I went thru this----it was horrible----the owifey made my life miserable as he did too-----they told lies about me----some people stopped being my friends------it always made me feel uncomfortable to see them there-------long story short------I moved some place else and stopped seeing them-----you can move that is not a problem,the courts will let you do that-----do not be afraid to move out and you should find another organization ,,,,,even if you loose the money-----YOU DO NOT HAVE TO TELL THE KIDS ALL YOU DO______IT IS ALL GOING BACK TO THEM____YOU ARE THE ADULT NOT THEIR FRIENDS <KIDS NEED PARENTS NOT FRIENDS____FRIENDS THEY CAN FIND IN SCHOOL______SO IF YOU DO NOT WANT THEM TO KNOW ALL ABOUT YOUR LIFE------MUMS THE WORD_____KIDS ARE KIDS-----I tell you stay as far as you can from them........far,far,away

NoMorDeceit posted 2/23/2014 22:03 PM

I think a lot of it has to do with them trying to keep the drama triangle alive and kicking. Because without you to focus on as the evil wife/ex-wife that they have to unite together to fight against, what do they have, really? It's what binds them together.

Yes. I said this in another thread just other day about these two (I believe). They need the drama. You have to remain the bad (ex) wife. I'm sorry. You are trying to apply logic and reason to crazy. It never works. They desperately want to throw their happiness in your face AND constantly piss you off. I agree it is weird, it is annoying, but telling them off or calling them out...will just lead to gas-lighting and them saying "you are crazy and we are not doing anything wrong, you are just angry, bitter, jealous"... Keep doing what you are doing. The way to win here is to kill them with silence. Honestly at some point I think you will find them camped out on your front lawn demanding you pay attention to them. Mental.

stronger08 posted 2/24/2014 05:13 AM

I feel that they are trying to just bullying you out of something you enjoy. Its wasn't good enough for them to just blow your world apart with the A and subsequent D. And it just goes to show you they certainly don't have an original bone in their bodies if they have to invade your space. It really irks me when people do that shit, its like rubbing salt into your wounds. Before I M my XW I used to frequent this small Italian restaurant. I was introduced to it by a business associate and over the years it became my place to eat at. I had become very friendly with the owners who were an older traditional couple. I H ran the place and the W was the chef. Each time I went there they would stop what they were doing and say hello. On slow nights they would sit with me and just talk. When I got M I took my XW there as well. I introduced her to the owners and over time they got to know her. I remember the old lady telling me there was something off about my W. But I just brushed it aside. As I loved the food we went there often and my XWW started to complain about always going there. I'm a creature of habit and tend to stick with what I know. We purchased a house that happened to be within walking distance to this place, so that was a score for me. But in time she grew to hate the place. Anyway after D-day and my leaving the house due to legal issues my XW falsely brought upon me I stayed away from that area. My sister had come upon some pictures on My Space or FB that my W at the time had posted. Guess who came out as a couple 2 weeks after D-day ? That's very common for a couple of cheaters so I dismissed it. But my sister showed me the pic and there they are at that restaurant all lovey dovey commenting of what a good time they were having at "Their Place" That really pissed me off because #1 they were both M to other people. #2 She claimed to hate the place and always gave me a hard time when I wanted to go there.

It had been a couple of months since I had gone there and I felt I had to set the record straight. So I go there and the owners naturally come up to me to say hello and told me they were sorry for my D. It was a slow night so they sat down with me and I told them I was not D and that her and the OM were cheaters. And I also told them that the OM was M as well with 3 kids of his own. Apparently my XW had told them she and I had already D and OM was her new BF. The old man told me that they would bring my son with them at times as well, like one big happy family. Well I told the old couple what exactly had gone on and the old man seemed crushed. The old lady on the other hand was pissed. So I gave them my number and said I would keep in touch after all the legal issues were taken care of. A couple weeks later I get a call from Frank the old man and he says that I need to come in and talk. So I go and he and his W start telling me that she and OM had come back the day before. When they walked in Frank told them they were not welcomed there any longer. My XW flew into a fit and started yelling and demanding a table. The old lady heard the commotion and came out of the kitchen and drilled her a new asshole. She called her every dirty word in the book, In English and Italian I might add. She called them both disgusting people that should be ashamed of themselves. She went directly into my XW face and called her a whore for the whole restaurant to hear. Her and the OM crawled away like the lowlifes they were never to come back.

I was sitting there shaking my head when the old lady told me in her broken English "Don't worry that whore no come here no more" They told me that this was my place and I was welcome anytime. She then sat me down and insisted I eat because I was too skinny. It was probably the first meal that I could eat since D-day. And when I asked for the check I was told it was on the house.

imwideawake posted 2/24/2014 06:18 AM

Stronger, that story just made my day! Thank you for sharing.

GabyBaby posted 2/24/2014 09:10 AM

OMG Stronger, that was GREAT!!!

sparkysable posted 2/24/2014 11:52 AM

When they walked in Frank told them they were not welcomed there any longer. My XW flew into a fit and started yelling and demanding a table. The old lady heard the commotion and came out of the kitchen and drilled her a new asshole. She called her every dirty word in the book, In English and Italian I might add. She called them both disgusting people that should be ashamed of themselves. She went directly into my XW face and called her a whore for the whole restaurant to hear. Her and the OM crawled away like the lowlifes they were never to come back.
BRAVO!!! Honestly, I wish more people reacted this way! My experience is that people stick their heads in the sand and pretend nothing is wrong.

tryingagain74 posted 2/24/2014 14:33 PM

Stronger, you need to have a g2g... and the first night we'll ALL go over to that restaurant, have a huge dinner, and tell Frank and his wife how awesome they are!

Thanks again for the great replies to this post. FWIW, a little update:

1. There's no WAY in hell that he'll scare me away from volunteering. If he wants to volunteer, so be it. It doesn't mean we have to be in the same place on the same day. There are loads of opportunities for volunteering that don't have to cross paths with me.

2. A close GF of mine had a different take on the situation. She thinks that XWH was trying to get them to let him use my membership, and he was trying to wheedle his way in by playing nice at first: "Oh, we'd love to volunteer... by the way, I'm not getting anything in the mail about my membership lately! Could you send me some info?"

Yeah, they'll send you info when you BUY YOUR OWN. I talked to another board member about it, and she sounded really annoyed with him. She said she hoped he would understand that we can't share the membership and that the membership belongs to me as the primary owner. So, he was probably trying to save 200.00 by being sneaky. Too bad the folks at the organization aren't more gullible!

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