My kids are 13 and 15 and I am going to tell them more about what's going on. Obviously they know things are not normal around here, but they need honest explanations.
When he brings that up about money, do you guys have a good response I could repeat to him or should I just not respond. I think crickets on this one just fuels him. I don't know. I think it would be better if I had a patented response (?)
Later I asked the kids what they thought about the incident. I do NOT let incidents go by without talking about them with the kids.
Just try to make sure that your kids know that relationships aren't strictly based on money and that being a wage-earner doesn't make anyone *better* than anyone else. Everyone contributes and is needed in their own special way.
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
I wonder if there's an appropriate response?
Rolling your eyes and saying "Whatevs"
Showing that you don't care what he says and will no longer prop up his stupid comments in front of the kids will infuriate him. But what is he supposed to do about it? If he berates you it just makes him look worse in the kids eyes, so even if he does berate you, smile knowingly and say "I am sorry you feel that way."
Sometimes letting him dig his own hole is the best way to deal with idiots.
This is the only card he's got in his whole hand, and he's throwing it down and looking all proud like he just won this hand. Only this one card doesn't win the game like he thinks it does. Even your kids are going to look at that one card and be like "uh.....so?"
He told me there is no way he will let me get a divorce until I prove to him that I can be responsible
Sorry GA, I don't have suggestions for a response to kids but that ^^^ made me laugh.
Response to that should be 'there is no way I'm staying married to someone who has proven they won't be responsible for upholding their vows'.
He is such a dick and his delusion knows no bounds
"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou
I just got into it with my XH -- same sort of stuff.
XWH was going on and on about how he was going to take me in for contempt of court because I got behind on the house payments. yeah, right, he FORGOT he was 2 days late with child support and the check bounced. DUMBASS
I like this from sparkysable:
This is the only card he's got in his whole hand, and he's throwing it down and looking all proud like he just won this hand.
Yep, if this is all they "have" on us, we are better than alot of people out there!!!I'll remember this.
Your kids are going to be hearing more of the crap from WH when the divorce is final and you won't be there to defend yourself. Is there anyway you can get your sons into counseling now or when XWH moves out? We went a few times and it seemed to helped my sons know whom to believe.
me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
We went to the domestic violence center for $1.00 a visit counseling because I found out emotional abuse (what he is doing btw) IS domestic violence.
You'll probably be like me and feel so free when he's gone!
homewrecked- I just got done looking for info on domestic abuse resources in my area. He is without a doubt, verbally and emotionally abusive. Always has been. Today he took my vehicle, left me with his which is on completel empty! I have no money. He got paid today and didn't put any in my account. So here I sit all day. Had to cancel plans I had. Can't go get stuff to make dinner. That is abusive. And it's all because I wouldn't make chit chat with him last night. He is punishing me for not have a conversation with him that wasn't about finance or kids. He will be home soon. My stomach is in knots.
Found out I qualify for legal representation at a reduced fee. Left a message for the attorney to call me. What do I do in the meantime? I can't believe this is my life.
[This message edited by GingerAle at 5:43 PM, February 20th (Thursday)]
Your kids are older and can definitely understand that while you don't work outside the home, you still work for the benefit of the family.
If you haven't 180'd his ass while in 'In House Separation', you should start invoicing him for your services. So much for meal prep, housekeeping, childcare/transportation, etc.
Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
I don't think I'd say anything. I wouldn't want him to know he was getting to me. However, I would talk to the kids though and tell them the truth.
Spend some time creating an invoice for "services rendered" over the course of your marriage.
Itemize everything you can think of and go online to find an average salary or per hour charges for those services. Total the costs and reduce the amount by say 20% for a "family discount".
If you've considered everything (chauffer, childcare provider , personal shopper, housekeeper, chef, tax accountant, etc.) you should end up with a yearly figure (probably a six figure) salary for the services you've provided throughout your marriage.
At this point compare what his salary has been and what you rightfully should have been paid for your services.
Then, the next time he starts to say that you wouldn't have anything without him, dare him to have found your services for less and tell him that if it hadn't been for you he wouldn't have been able to afford to live the life he's had.
Then, turn your back on him and walk away with your head held high because you have not only provided honest value for your services but you have shown integrity and haven't cheated anyone in giving that service.
And finally, silently say "bite me asshole".
[This message edited by Lotusborn at 8:48 PM, February 20th (Thursday)]