I don't want to get really graphic, but husband MB into something I ate without my knowledge. I don't know if it was one time or frequently. I don't want to know, knowing he did it once is more than enough for me. He can't give me a reason why, except that maybe he was mad at me. He can't tell me when it was (before the affair started or after), but based on other things he's said about the incident, I think it was probably before the affair. (Or at least before the time HE said it started - his GF said it was a lot longer)
Things like this scare me for our future. How could he have been so mad at me to have done something like this and then later tell me about it as if it's no big deal? I feel so violated. WH was into porn. Does viewing porn desensitize people and they begin to think that porn sex is the norm? If he was that mad at me, how could he have been acting as if nothing was wrong? He is not getting any professional help, but has seemed to stopped the porn. He has stopped other addictions cold turkey, so I know he is capable of it. The man he is showing himself to me now is very loving, caring, and remorseful, but until the affair started, I never knew that he treated me badly before. It's scary to think that not only did he feel justified in cheating, but he treated me like garbage behind my back while pretending like nothing was wrong.
I'm sorry if this is really disgusting, but I've kept this to myself for so long and am just wondering if anyone has experienced anything similar and were they able to get through it. And if so, how they did it.
I don't want to get really graphic, but husband MB into something I ate without my knowledge.
[This message edited by sinsof thefather at 10:33 AM, February 20th (Thursday)]
[This message edited by SoVerySadNow at 10:40 AM, February 20th (Thursday)]
I think it is about control and anger.
I'm not sure what my reaction is - on one level I'm completely grossed out that he would do that .. on another level (and this is a little esoteric - so bear with me) the essence of the man was gifted to you (some cultures esteem the 'essence of life' so highly that MB on the ground is punishable by death) ... so WH was NO .. SORRY I can't even continue .. he's messed up!
Get YOU into counseling, if he's unwilling at least get you on the right road.
I just thought, why would he even tell me he did this. When he told me months later that he did this, it wasn't in a fit of anger or anything. He simply stated matter of factly and he even thought it was funny because I shared the item with my mom and told her it was the best I had ever tasted. Must of made him feel real good knowing what he did.
I think most of us have heard just about everything, so do not be embarrassed. That took real courage to admit. You have nothing to feel bad about. You have been a victim in real abuse and it is not your fault. Please do not confuse his kindnesses now for real change. Whether he did it once or a dozen times, he is in need of professional help, no matter what the trigger. Even if you separate out the slime factor, he did something cruel, sneaky, and dangerous to punish you for some perceived slight to him.
Why did he confess?
I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.
It's scary to think that not only did he feel justified in cheating, but he treated me like garbage behind my back while pretending like nothing was wrong.
How did he present this information to you? What was his demeanor when he was talking about it?
“The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.”
― Pema Chödrön
then later tell me about it as if it's no big deal?
He told you about it, but not in a way that indicated guilt? As in he just wanted you to know? And meh, it's not that big of a deal.
Aside from the Act itself, that's the really jacked up part. I sounds like he was getting off on the act of degradation. In order for you to be fully degraded by the act, you would have to be made aware of it, at time of his choosing.
I lived next door to a guy who got off on getting his xwife (who he was pretending to reconcile with) to wear his AP's used lingerie, that she would leave behind at his apt. How do I know of this. He eagerly told our landlord who then repeated the story to me. I had to inform her that she had just been drawn into his sick game. He was getting off not only on the act, but by bringing her into the story to get her reactions.
I think this is beyond serious.
He simply stated matter of factly and he even thought it was funny because I shared the item with my mom and told her it was the best I had ever tasted. Must of made him feel real good knowing what he did.
he even thought it was funny
That just . . . the fact that he thought it was funny says to me he has no remorse for doing it. That is so blatantly disrespectful.
Control - because he did this without your knowledge or consent. You had no say as to whether or not you consumed this - substance - but he did and he presumably watched you do it. Honestly it kind of reminds me of an affair situation - he has this secret and you don't - he has the knowledge/power over this thing and you don't get to be a party to it.
I would be so furious. I'm sorry. That's just so disgusting and disrespectful. It's one thing if swallowing that is a part of a consensual sex act and it's your choice. To put it in your food is just degrading.
What if he decides to ramp up the amusement factor and put some shit in your food? That could actually kill you.
Three DDays and now this?
Sorry, I'd be out the door and to the lawyer's office in a heartbeat. Too. Creepy.
[This message edited by FaithFool at 11:14 AM, February 20th (Thursday)]
"Sometimes, you only see a pattern because you've been staring too long."
I can't believe how messed up his mind was. The hardest part is that I don't know for how long in our marriage he was like this. Not only are my memories tarnished by the affair, I am also fighting with was my marriage, my family and my life EVER real?