Ugh. As I have mentioned in off-topic, I recently went through a miscarriage. It was a missed miscarriage, which meant I had no bleeding/cramping, the baby had stopped growing but my body had not started the miscarriage process. It was discovered at my 8-week ultrasound.
So this is my second missed miscarriage. My first was in 2009, when I was 28. I'm 33 now, will be 34 in April.
Our original plan was to start TTC after our daughter turned one. D-Day 1 was in August 2010, when our baby was 9.5 months old. So at the time, my husband was a weepy mess and said that he would want nothing more than to be with me and have another baby with me, etc. etc.
We didn't deal with the aftermath of the ONS very well - he was a mess due to guilt, shame, etc. and I put my pain on the back burner, where of course it eventually boiled over and made a mess. We went through hell, and almost divorced in 2012. He pulled his head out at the last minute and R has gone very well since then.
I went off the pill in August 2013 and got pregnant on our fourth month trying. I had been very worried about secondary infertility but it turns out that I should have been more worried about miscarriage.
So when I went for my follow-up with my OB, he told me, "Age CAN be a factor in this type of miscarriage, but you're not THAT old."
(Ummm, thanks?). Now, this is where my thinking gets irrational. I had the same type of miscarriage in 2009, when I was a spring chicken of 28. So the fact that I'm 33 now - not necessarily a game-changer. However, I can't help but think - IF he had not had the ONS back in 2010 - if we had stuck to our original TTC timeline - I would have been pregnant at 30, not 33. How much difference does three years make in terms of miscarriage risk? I don't know.
I'm feeling some resentment. I wanted kids two years apart, so they could be close friends who would have common interests. Instead I'm almost 34 and there is now, thanks to my miscarriage, no possible way that they will be less than five years apart. I was already somewhat resentful of how his fuck-ups have caused such a large age gap, and now I'm wondering if my age was a factor in this miscarriage, which in addition to making the age gap even larger (assuming I'll ever even have another baby) is incredibly emotional crappy.
So yeah. Probably a topic for counseling. I know I should probably talk to my H about it, too. I just hate bringing this shit up.