I visited the remote farm house where my wife had sex with him. I was a man possessed. 40 minutes of acting like a caged animal.
That was my first primal scream urge.
Then I have screamed at my wife to where our windows rattled.
So I get what you are saying and feeling. Unfortunately, I did NOT get in touch with this anger and rage in as timely a fashion as i believe I should have.
Truthfully, that screaming in her eardrum? Should have done that my first DD. I would have if I came home and found her using meth around our daughters.....and she was addict-like in her demeanor that first DD. Sadly, I did not....and she took my lack-of-screaming as the okay to take her EA to PA level.
No, I am not saying I take responsibility for her choice to commit adultery...that is her shit to own.
What I am saying is that I gave up an opportunity to influence her state-of-being, a chance to aggressively protect my family.....and did not take full advantage of that opportunity.
Taken me a bit to forgive myself for this.....
Bloozle....your join date is very recent. If you have the opportunity to use righteous anger when I SHOULD have (immediately or right close to DD) I say strongly consider it!
Months later I used righteous anger. It had marginal effect on my wife, but had a profound affect on her fAP...dumped her instantly.
There is a time for righteous anger....and it is to be used when wrongs are being committed. This is not judgement, it is fighting for what is right.
Adultery is WRONG. Adultery is ABUSE. You have a right, an obligation to protect yourself from it. A time to call sin, sin. If that call means screaming...then do it.
Oh....please don't brush off your feelings. Dont ignore them. Don't bury them. You need to find ways to feel them, express them, process them.
Took me two months of IC to even get in touch with my anger......yeah, pretty fucked up response to adultery....me consoling her, cutting her slack, finding ways to make it easier on her. All dreadfully destructive, horrible choices by me.
Please don't do what I did early on.
You have a responsibility to yourself and your kids to do the right thing here. Righteous anger is the right thing.
God help us all.
[This message edited by blakesteele at 1:57 PM, February 20th (Thursday)]