I'm super happy with my new life, but it's kind of bittersweet because I know he's finally hurting without me.
I think it comes from knowing how okay you're going to be and how broken they are? And from feeling safe enough about your own well-being to be able to spare a thought for the person who made you suffer--because you know you're going to heal from the suffering and be better, unlike them.
Just don't let this revert back to codependency, because how he is doing is NOT your problem anymore, it's his alone. Those are the consequences and you can't try to lighten them, though I think empathy (from a distance maybe) is fine.
As to your WH, I understand. If the empathy gets to you, though, just remember all the cruelty he's dished out.
Enjoy the peace and the joy that can now be yours! I left mine some time ago, and I've been so much happier ever since. I love my new independent life!
Walk a Mile In My Shoes
Married 14 yrs. Now Separated & in NC
2 grown DD's - his from previous M
4 grown kids (2DS, 2DD) mine from previous M
But, my empathy doesn't change my decision. I gave and gave until I had nothing left to give. It's time for me to listen to my own pain, and to put me first.
That's brutal. I cant' say I blame you for feeling empathy. Unfortunately, he isn't 'hurting', he's raging NPDs don't hurt - not like you or I do.
If he is NPD - you can't feel bad. He is a person, but he doesn't view things like you or I do.
Truly remorseful spouses feel that they are the only ones who can truly fix themselves. I was told by my FWH during our R that to him, he will fix himself and be a better person whether I leave or stay. That's when I knew that he's truly wanting to take control over his life.
True love is harder to come by than soul mates. True love requires work.
Ignorance can be cured with knowledge. There is no cure for being an idiot.
I had to remind myself that he chose this and only he can save himself. What ever his life ends up being is solely dictated by him. That you feel empathy just shows what a good person you are.
"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou
I am so sorry.
LonelyGirl10....sorry I lost touch with your journey....had no realized your journey within your M ended. Like libertyrocks efforts, I have seen your efforts and know you too gave it a strong effort.
Well, I don't know if he's NPD SA, but his actions sure sound like it! I diagnosed him.
[This message edited by libertyrocks at 10:58 AM, February 21st (Friday)]