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Irritation level on 100-thousand today

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NikkiD posted 2/20/2014 14:45 PM

Ok, these are the things I wanna say, but am in no position to say them civilly without potentially slitting WS throat with a sentence...or two or three. Or hell, hitting him upside the head with a paragraph so hard his nose bleeds...

Why couldnt you be humane enough to just file for divorce rather than drag me into your wall of confusion?

Why ask me to marry you and you still got a fycking girlfriend?

If you wanted to save someone, YOU KNOW I AINT THAT TYPE...again, why did you marry me? Did you all the sudden think I would need you like a child need's their father? I was raised already. I am a grown ass woman, I dont need saving, I need a partner, not a fycking dictator...You got four kids; how about you save them?

I dont give a shyt how "broken" you are, you didnt just up and become brain knew what you were doing hurts people...why in the fyck would you do that and then act like YOUR DECISIONS are my fault.

Fyck you..and this and that bitch you can both choke on a dyck...

End rant...sorry for the cussing...

[This message edited by NikkiD at 3:23 PM, February 20th (Thursday)]

StillLivin posted 2/20/2014 15:04 PM

NikkiD I am soooo not laughing AT you but with you. Gosh I get you girl.
These things will plague you for a little while. You are strong, you will toss it off soon.
I have come to realize my STBX is similar in some ways to yours (and many others on SI).
He needed someone to save.
Brandon808 pointed it out to me one time. Your/My/Our WSs were originally drawn to our strengths because they don't have it. However, it is that same strength they were drawn to that now intimidates them. Makes them almost envy us for it because they don't have it.
These nasty sluts are pathetic. They will NEVER feel inferior to them.
Like me, You don't NEED a man. And you can handle yourself...I suspect you might even be more feisty than I!
It's because of their lack of self worth and self esteem (FOO issues and all ya know), that they need someone strong. I'm also willing to bet he mirrored a lot of your strengths in the beginning. When you don't have true conviction or true inner strength, someone else's conviction and strength becomes intimidating.
Like you, I don't give a "fyck" what his issues were, he has a brain...the one in his head! Get over himself already.
He acts like what he did is your fault, because in his simple brained self, it is your fault. You made him feel bad about himself.
To a strong person, that shit don't float! Meh, he is an idjat!

NikkiD posted 2/20/2014 16:21 PM

Ok, so I broke down and sent a more civilized version of that. You know, the way I would speak if my grandmother were reading it over my shoulder:

I asked: How long we were married before you had sex with her, why did you marry me to begin with and why didnt you fess up to making a mistake in marrying me when you realized he could not honor his word?

He said: About 9 months. I thought I could get over her and was too immature to accept the blame.

About the only solace in that is that his A had nothing to do with me. BUT, what I struggle with, is that regardless of why, that shit does affect others. They are broken...not mentally impaired....we are not animals. Animals cant cognitively discern right from wrong.

Flourgirl posted 2/20/2014 22:43 PM

You can't understand crazy! Don't drive yourself crazy trying. Anyone would be lucky to have a strong woman like you by their side. Marriage isn't about the knight in shining armour. It's supposed to be a partnership. I think that's why he married you and screwed her. You are the kind of person your supposed to marry. Someone who will pull the load with you. I went down this road of thinking too. It doesn't get you anywhere. If he can't see that he is screwing up FTG!

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