SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

myowndystopia posted 2/20/2014 17:28 PM

So yesterday I finally got a little piece of the puzzle regarding OW. With that info I've been able to get her first and last name, where she works, where she lives, her age, her family, and yes seen her picture. I wanted this info and don't regret knowing it. I actually like knowing that he doesn't know I know! But I'm curious- in addition to the feelings of betrayal and deceit - did other people feel like there was an invasion of privacy? A stranger- friend of OW sent me info - so OW knew about me, my kids my grandkids and so did a friend. How many of OW friends and family know all about me and family? Guess the cheating bastard shared more than his cheating ways

Simple posted 2/20/2014 17:53 PM

There's probably quite a few women out there who thinks I left my husband and child, or who thinks I'm a complete witch, or that I never existed, or that I'm a naggy wife, or that I was divorcing my husband, etc.

And yet my FWH couldn't stand it that anybody know about his cheating. I just responded to him that what did he think he did when he kept talking crap about me to everyone, including my family. I think he understood once I gave him that perspective.

I feel for you. Hugs your way.

PS
I never truly bothered knowing the multiple OW. Some of them didn't know he was married, some knew and deliberately tried to get him to divorce me. Either way I figured they are not worth my time.

Leia posted 2/20/2014 18:05 PM

eh. I found texts. That was enough. OW was kind enough to say that she would understand if STBXH wanted to break up with her and work on our marriage. I don't care what he has told her. Those two idiots can have each other. Of course, I have the luxury of distance. She lives several states away and I really don't care any more what he has shared of our lives.

HFSSC posted 2/20/2014 18:08 PM

I will NEVER EVER EVER EVER forget what my X-WH (first M) did to me.

Back story: I was raped and became pregnant while I was in college. I stayed in school, maintained a 3.6+ GPA and gave birth during summer break between my junior and senior year. I gave the baby up for adoption because I knew I wasn't ready to be anybody's mother at that time.

So, after my world was blown up to discover my then H was living a double life with OW who didn't even know he was married (Military and we didn't live together due to his travel... silly me, thought we were still "together") I was still trying to play nice for my son's sake and maintain some sort of communication. OW (now wifetress) got pissy with me one day on the phone and I called her a pathetic slut. She said, "Oh, you want to talk about pathetic? You act like you're such a good mother. What about your OTHER kid? The one you gave away so you could stay in college?"

That's been over 21 years ago, and I can still feel the air sucked out of my atmosphere when she said that to me. That he would have not just betrayed me but betrayed me so deeply that he would share something so private with his whore and allow it to be used as a weapon against me. Still blows me away.

myowndystopia posted 2/20/2014 18:53 PM

Oh HFSSC.... They just go layer after layer to deeply hurt. First the betrayal then sharing private lives! My STBXWH worked hard to detach from not only me but 4 kids a SIL and 2 beautiful grands...... Only to go share us with some whore! If you are putting us out to curb for recycle- don't try to re-use!!!

So sorry HFSSC that your X could be so f'in insensitive!

inconnu posted 2/20/2014 19:05 PM

Yeah, that was a huge insult added to the injury, when I realized how much ex had shared with OW about my kids and our life. And then after he left, there was the cyber-stalking. I finally figured out that a big part of their relationship was making me the bad guy, so that they had someone to unite against. Then I was like, more power to you. If you think I'm that interesting, stalk away.

Gemini71 posted 2/20/2014 19:23 PM

The OW was also my BFF, the kind you share everything with. It sickens me that the details I shared about my married life were used against me. Of course this was a betrayal by my FRIEND. I can't even imagine what STBXH told her.

scarednbroken posted 2/20/2014 19:48 PM

My WH discusses our family life with his cafe ow. He talks about our sex life (how boring, and nonexistent) with every Ow. When one of our kids has a great achievement (breaks a school record, wins a race, etc) first thing he does is txt his cafe ow. she knows who I am. She knows what I look like. She knows all my kids. She knows my life. I know very little about her. I know her kids name only bc they mention them in txt. Found out her kids last name bc we played them in tournament and they talked about meeting there.

I have become marginally obsessed with finding out more about cafe ow. Only bc they are a regular date. For free.... I have looked up the directory of school employees. I am trying to get my hands on a year book.

But then I think - what does it matter? I want out anyway. Then he can screw whoever he wants.