"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

FirstLoveGone posted 2/20/2014 18:55 PM

Not sure if I should laugh, shake my head, or tear my hair out about this - I received my first email from XH with wifetress CCed on it. So sad that he can't make decisions about his own freaking daughter without consulting his whore.

Am I supposed to have some sort of reaction to this? He so wants a reaction out of me - how pathetic.

I have no intention of CCing my reply to her. He can forward my reply if he so desires.

Seriously, what a fucking tool. I am more angry that he can't put DD's interests first without seeing if it works for his new family. For the past 5 fucking years his new family has taken priority over DD. Yet asshole is always claiming how important DD is. Why don't you put your money where your mouth is douchebag!!!!

Helen of Troy posted 2/20/2014 18:59 PM

It must be part of the script. I get this too!
He has to have owife cc'ed on email to me because he is too much of a goddamn wimp to function without a security blanket.

Gemini71 posted 2/20/2014 19:25 PM

Another way to look at it is that OW is so insecure, that she has to see his communications with you about DD. She obviously believes 'once a cheater, always a cheater.'

tryingagain74 posted 2/20/2014 19:35 PM

Ugh. I'm sorry. I know how that feels. You want to laugh and shake your head because they're so pathetic, but you want to kick their arses because it's more important to them to play at being good parents than to actually be good parents.

I'm pretty sure that CommandOwife writes some of the correspondence that I get "from XWH." How sad and controlling is that?

FirstLoveGone posted 2/20/2014 20:00 PM

I would like to think that if I ever get remarried or have an SO ( - fat chance on this), I wouldn't involve him in my communication with XH. Of course, I would discuss things with him, but I wouldn't dream of CCing him on emails.

Am I missing something here? Maybe wifetress is a really integral part of DD's life and she should be CCed on emails? Am I downplaying the role of wifetress as stepmother?

GabyBaby posted 2/20/2014 20:04 PM

Am I downplaying the role of wifetress as stepmother?

F that! You're the child's mother, ex-Asshat is the other parent.
Anything he wishes to "share" with her he can do on his own time. You don't have to be forced in on that.

tryingagain74 posted 2/20/2014 20:16 PM

FLG, I'll tell you what my kids' counselor told me. She reiterated that CommandOwife has ZERO legal standing with our children. The counselor told me that CommandOwife should never have come with XWH to see her about the kids-- it should have been XWH and me working with the counselor. I read a good "Ex-Etiquette" column today about the role of a stepparent. The stepparent should reinforce the rules of the house that the biological parent already has in place. They have no right to be involved in any significant decision making that affects the children. That is what the biological parents do if they are both involved and a part of the child's life.

I know that if I ever get married again (big ha ha for me as well), I would never presume to play mommy to my new husband's children. Of course, I also wouldn't charge into a new relationship and get married right away; I would want to take any relationship slowly for the sake of my children and any other children involved. Cheaters don't do this. They rush ahead, consequences be damned, and they expect everyone to fall in line with their bizarro expectations. The wifetress's involvement in emails between you and your ex is a perfect example of this.

(((FirstLoveGone)))

newlysingle posted 2/20/2014 21:11 PM

The Gnat doesn't cc Hello Kitty, at least not yet, but it's clear based in his responses that she monitors all communication between us. Insecure much? Uh yeah, you should be since your boyfriend is a lying, cheating whore .

ButterflyGirl posted 2/20/2014 22:26 PM

I'm a little embarrassed I didn't notice sooner, but I finally figured out I've been emailing with OW instead of the POS when I realized that the grammar and punctuation were correct. He couldn't write a legible sentence with all the words spelled and capitalized correctly and the commas in the correct place to save his life. I should give the girl credit for having good grammar, but she gave herself away. It's actually pretty funny how easily I can tell who it is now.

I don't think I have a way to stop it, but he will still be responsible in court next month for all the messed up, irresponsible things she has said. Shouldn't have let the bitch mess with me!

Softcentre posted 2/20/2014 23:33 PM

Just remember, one of the reasons we're all in this mess is because they have poor boundaries....don't expect to get now what you didn't get in your M...so OF COURSE the wifetress is cc'd in on your emails, makes perfect sense to your XH

Titanium posted 2/21/2014 00:46 AM

What else could there possibly be to do but laugh at these fucktards........

they are delusional idiots......

I booted my deluded piece of shit 8 months ago. Seen DS 3 times and on first contact wanted him to sleep over......lol

Fucktard now lives with pondscum sucking whore that DS knows about and is almost 19years old (autistic)......

Figure that one out. No financial help........nothing, just whatever will fit in to his new life with no regard to how it affects our beautiful heartbroken son......

They are so self absorbed.........

my son is over it which is sad. I cant get my head around how WH doesnt see anything wrong with it......

thinks only of himself......total fucking arsehole that needs to take a long walk off a short cliff like.........yesterday!

He made his bed not me....
They're unbelievable......

Do we have a planet in our solar system that we dont know about?

Cause I'm thinking we have had a wrong delivery.....

Dreamland posted 2/21/2014 01:14 AM

Gemini
nailed it on the head. She's scared and jealous of you.. She knows he'd cheat in her kick he did you. You should play some games. Call him whatever endear and thank him for wanting to be part of DD life. And how he's welcome to come by but alone without wifetress. Time to play her game.. Believe me he will stop CC her soon enough 😊

allatsea posted 2/21/2014 02:34 AM

These stupid xWS invest so heavily in their new found lurvve. They've thrown away a wonderful life so in their minds the POS OW/OM HAS to be worthy otherwise they would have to realise they've made a stupid choice. It's screwed up.

My ex gets her POS to write her poisonous and nasty vitriloic texts and emails to me whilst pretending I don't realise it's not her. It's so obvious because the wording is so very different to her normal vocabulary

Amazonia posted 2/21/2014 03:08 AM

I dunno, I know she's a wifetress, but if my spouse were interacting with an ex, even for stuff like kids, I would want to be cc'd. Not because the content of their interaction is necessarily relevant to me, but because the nature of their interaction is.

hummingbird8 posted 2/21/2014 03:44 AM

I agree with Amazonia. I think we need to take off the BS hat and look at this as if we were remarried (which I am) if our spouse has contact with an ex an is hiding it from you, would you be ok with that?

Maybe now he has good boundaries. Yet it's all OW fault and he's stupid etc?

I also don't agree that a step parent has no say in rules. We are a blended family and we may have different rules at our house then my ex or my husband's ex has at theirs. Ex spouses have no say about the rules in our house. My husband and I sat down and talked about and made rules for ourselves.

I understand the hate of the OWs, however look at this as if you were remarried and your new husband has an ex wife. Are you going to let them decide your rules? If he shows you communication with her, does that mean you are controlling and pathetic?

FirstLoveGone posted 2/21/2014 09:36 AM

I'm going to stick with my original plan. I will reply to him and not her. I have nothing to do with her. If he wants to forward my emails to her or CC her he can do so. If she is concerned about the nature of our interaction it is his responsibility to make her feel secure, not mine.

I think that if I remarried someone who had kids, I would realize that my H and his ex-wife may have communication about their kids that I am not privy to. What goes on with their kids is their business. Yes, I can support my H in the decisions he makes for his children, but I am not their parent. If I don't like it then I shouldn't have gotten married to someone who has kids. If I can't trust my H to interact with his ex-wife in an appropriate manner, then I think I would have bigger problems on my hands.

I am not suggesting any kind of rules for XH and wifetress' home. I don't ever do that. Just like I don't expect him to make rules for my home. The nature of our emails is entirely focused on DD.

I appreciate the feedback from everyone, even the ones counter to my position. Everyone's posts made me think and I am now even more secure in my position.

GabyBaby posted 2/21/2014 11:45 AM

but if my spouse were interacting with an ex, even for stuff like kids, I would want to be cc'd. Not because the content of their interaction is necessarily relevant to me, but because the nature of their interaction is.

I disagree.
I remarried (and presumably XWH has a gf since he's living with someone).
I do not copy his gf on emails about our kids, nor does he copy my husband. WE are the parents. Anything that my H needs to know I tell him directly (or he can read the email). Interaction between my H and my XWH isn't necessary (nor does my H find it necessary).

ETA:
I don't view it as hiding the interactions from him. It takes two seconds to say, "Hey hon, Shithead emailed today about taking DS on a college viewing trip. We're thinking of X date. Are you available to go along?"
If XWH chooses to show his GF emails from me, that's his choice, but I am not going to copy other people unless necessary.

[This message edited by GabyBaby at 11:55 AM, February 21st (Friday)]

hummingbird8 posted 2/21/2014 12:38 PM

My H and I don't cc each other on emails to exes either. But we do discuss EVERYTHING together whether its about the kids or not. I trust him and don't check up on him even though we both have email passwords etc. But because he will sometimes forward me something from his ex or tells me what she said doesn't mean I'm insecure or controlling.

I would never think you should respond to her, but if he wants to cc I don't see the big deal.

RealityStinks posted 2/21/2014 12:48 PM

I'm with Gemini71 -

The OW knows that your XH is a cheater, duh! She's probably living in constant fear that he'll do to her what he did to you. If I were you, I'd be feeling pretty good to know that she's worried he'll run back to you. You're a catch, and she's not, in her mind. I guess the unicorn fantasy world wasn't all it was cracked up to be!

I know it makes you mad, but I'd smile a little every time I saw her CC'd if I were you.

Undefinabl3 posted 2/21/2014 13:22 PM

Am I downplaying the role of wifetress as stepmother?

So, I am going to step into crazy here just a second because well - while i am not a wifetress - I am a step mother.

When DSS came over for a whole week every other week - it was impossible not to know what was going on. If i would have stayed out of the loop my day to day life would have been fucked. Not knowing what was going on the off week would have done the same. There was tutoring, homework, projects, football, friends, girlfriends, ect....This effected my life too, just because he's not my son doesn't mean that its not part of my life now.

I would hate, hate hate hate, if DH left me and then the new woman started playing 'mom of the stepkids' deal. They are MY kids, not her's....unfortunetly, knowing what i know about being a step mom - there's NO competition on who the mother is.

I had a step mom and she was nice - but she's not my mom.

If he's included her on emails, then its probably just easier for him that saying 'this is what we said'....

NOW....let me say this though.

if SHE starts to actually make decisions and her self start inserting into choices and what not....the hell to the fucking no.

I NEVER made a parental choice for DSS...i voiced my opinion only to DH and then supported whatever choice he made, whether i liked it or not (still do that actually). I never emailed the Bio-mom or DSS directly for any reason - if I thought something was going on or had an issue, i went to DH only and he would handle it.