Update: attempting to reconcile
"A tree falls the way it leans.....be careful which way you lean"
As for the visions, I completely feel your pain. I am almost a year from DDay and I still have nightmares that creep in every once in a while. I know the visions are hard etc and I know they make you want to bash your head against a wall, but I will say they will start to dwindle..... it takes time.
Have you spoken to an IC yet or sat down and really thought about your options while trying to keep the emotions at bay? I mean just logically thought about your options.....
For me that was my first big step, the logical thinking, there was plenty of time for the emotional thinking.
I am trying my hardest to help you, because I have been in the state of mind youre in right now many many times and I want you to know we are here.
This is crazy making stuff and you are really in the initial stages. I felt like I was temporarily insane sometimes. I was probably in a fight or flight state straight for quite awhile. I tried to exhaust that by hitting pillows to channel all the anger and rage.
Is your fWH remorseful and trying to help you and take care of you? The mind movies were excrutiating and I eventually found a way to dismiss them. This is second nature to me now.
Many of us have had a time period of extreme anger and rage. For me that lasted about 9 months so this is a long road.
But now things are much much better. Not perfect but this healing process definitely has stages but sometimes you ping pong back and forth.
[This message edited by whattheh at 8:40 PM, February 20th (Thursday)]
Hugs and strength to you.... I hope you find your strength.