SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

CompleteScrewUp posted 2/20/2014 21:13 PM

Hello everyone.
I wasn't sure what I wanted to post on here as far as my story went, or if I even wanted to post my story, but after replying to some posts I realized that I included some of my story in my replies. After seeing that, I figured I might as well tell my story now. I will try to keep it short and to the point. So here it goes. My BS and I have have been married for 10 years and together for 12. My affair was a little over a month ago. I am in the military right now and I am ashamed that I am in the military and I have disgraced the service and all those who support us by having an affair while I was recently deployed. But this is not the first time I have done something wrong while away from home. I have realized that I have a pattern that I tend to follow when I am away from my spouse for a long period of time. It all started when my BS was in the military when we first got married. We got pregnant right away and he left for deployment only 2 weeks after our son was born. While we was gone, I went back home and got my old job back. During that time, I was hanging out with one of my good friends and her boyfriend. For some reason I started flirting with him and it progressed a little bit. He came and saw me at work one day and I took a break and walked him to his car and we kissed. I felt so bad after that happened that I swore to God that I would tell my husband, but then I didn't want to upset him during his deployment and then forgot all about it. Then when I joined the military many years later, I was in my training school and had an emotional affair with someone. He considered us just friends but it was me that was dreaming for something more and became very fond of him. Nothing happened during this time but I wrote him a letter telling him I loved him. I realized later it def. wasn't love. And then we fast forward to this deployment and my full blown sexual affair. It lasted a month. I knew it wouldn't last long because the deployment was almost over and we are stationed in two different countries and we most likely will never see each other again. My husband found out about the deployment affair last month before I came home. Then a couple days before I was supposed to come home, I informed him about the kiss when he was deployed and the full extent of the most recent affair. He already knew about the emotional affair because I told him when we got to my first duty station 3 years ago. I was a very selfish and self-centered person the last 10 years but I know I am changing now to be a much better person. There are so many details left but those can come later. But this is my story and my mess and I am trying my hardest to make it right.

Stillstings posted 2/20/2014 21:26 PM

You've reached out to a very good place full of people who will give you good advice. I understand being in the military adds a wrinkle to your story but there are people here who are a bit more knowledgeable in that department.

I can't offer you much but wanted to reply. This site helped get me get out of a very dark place when infidelity bit me very hard. I say this as a former betrayed too.

CompleteScrewUp posted 2/20/2014 21:42 PM

Thank you Stillstings. My BS is also on this site and it has really helped us out a lot. It gives him the support he needs that he can't always get from me and I really like that. I have completely flipped his world upside down and I am trying everything I can to make it right.

Stillstings posted 2/20/2014 21:44 PM

I'm glad he's here too! Do you two have ground rules for posting? I've seen some very ugly things come out when a BS and WS read or even post on each other's threads. Monitor that carefully and integrate it into your plans for boundaries. SI is a safe place for both BS and WS.

[This message edited by Stillstings at 9:45 PM, February 20th (Thursday)]

CompleteScrewUp posted 2/20/2014 21:59 PM

Yes, we do. We do not reply to each others posts and we can only read the others post if we ask permission. If we get permission, we can read the post but we can't read the replies that they get. It's been working out so far.

BrokenButTrying posted 2/21/2014 03:18 AM

Hi CSU,

Welcome to SI, I'm sorry you find yourself here but it really is the best place to be.

I can relate to your story, I am a military wife.

Keep reading, keep posting. The road ahead is long and hard but worth it.