But I feel like I want to separate. I keep looking back and can't believe he made those choices to cheat instead of getting himself help or talk to me when he felt compelled to visit prostitutes.
He admits he never gave me a single thought, and didn't even think about what harm it would do to me. Yet, he kept it so well hidden I never guessed. And that's what I can't get over, what I can't heal from because he can hide stuff so well, I would never know if it happened again.
Trust has gone, my feeling of safety has gone and I'm not sure any of that will ever come back.
Feeling very sad today and ready to give up.
D Day 11 November 2012
You can't scale a mountain in a single step
I decided that when I truly just don't want to deal with it anymore, I'll be done. I will wait roughly a year first to see how things are working out, but if I'm not seeing improvements either way after that, I'm hoping I don't convince myself to wait and see just a bit longer. I know I do not want to feel this way five years from now, two is pushing it.
I may not trust her, but I am going to trust my gut when it feels the time has finally passed to move on from her.
For what ever it is worth, I am very proud of you. 15 mths is a great effort even though it may take more time.
At least your husband is there for you - keep telling yourself that. Yes he is a complete arse, yes he screwed up and no you will never forget. But if he is there for you that is half the battle, the other half is creating new memories together.
Since I'm not in R, I can't speak to the time frame or whether or not your feelings are on par for the length of time.
Maybe talk with your IC about it?
Soon after I posted, an old friend came to see me. Her H had an affair early in their marriage over 40 years ago. It took a year for him to be truly remorseful, but after that they successfully reconciled and are still together and happy. She said its normal to have these sort of days and to not give up.
So, I'm going to pick myself up off the floor and keep going.
[This message edited by Healinggirl at 10:37 AM, February 21st (Friday)]