Your second dday was yesterday.
He lied on Wednesday to you, correct?
Right now you need to get through today. Begin to heal you. Start looking at your future and how you are able to make yourself strong and healthy.
He is in no position to accept R right now and you, IMO need more time before you can commit to it as well.
He blew up your world. Shattered your trust and changed your marriage, forever. He hasn't gotten real enough yet to not lie to you, what makes him think he can go through R without some serious self evaluation, IC and healing?
I am not saying R isn't possible, not at all. All too often a WS or BS expects one to commit and jump all in and claim R, a better marriage etc. etc. and you can't this soon.
You are in shock and survival mode initially after dday. Self protection is important. You will find out trutths about the person you have been married to along the road for the next few months.
Will he be strong enough to R? Can he handle the questions, the hysteria, the anger, fear and rage that he has laid at your feet? Can he look at himself and start to pull apart the pieces in him that allowed himself to decimate the one person who has stood beside him through life?
Is he willing to hold your pain and not throw it back at you? Is he man enough to acknowledge his choices and make himself a safe partner for you going forward?
He cannot answer these questions yet and neither can you.
Put R aside for now and get through today. Learn to live with your current situation and start healing you. Deal with the fallout, get some IC, become stronger, more independant and know the only piece of this puzzle you can control is you.
Once healing has started, once he understands the magnitude of his actions, then you can look and see the man you have in front of you now. You will be able to make a decision about R, if you truly want it, if you are willing to offer it and go through the next 2-5 years healing and creating a marriage that will work for you both. Or you will decide it's not the path you want to take.
It's a choice you have to make, but you don't have to make it today. Give yourself time to begin to heal from this, allow yourself the time to get to a point where your decision can come from a healthier place. A place of confidence and self control. Not a place of desperation and fear, of holding on from a gut reaction.
You deserve a husband who will move heaven and earth to help you through this, and a husband who will do that will begin his healing and afford you the time to become the person capable of making such an important life decision.
Be good to you. (((hugs)))
