He told me that he feels that I rushing into this divorce and doesn't understand why.
Here's what I really hear him asking:
"Why are you sticking up for yourself? Why are you asking me to change? Please, don't you want to stick around a little longer and be my comfort blanket? Can't I manipulate you any longer? I was happiest with you at home and my slut on the side. Can't we do that a little longer? I don't care about your needs or feelings, and I certainly won't respect them. I have needs here woman. Don't you want to feel bad about yourself and blame yourself for my affair? Maybe if you cooked better and cleaned better and wore sexier clothes and had sex with me more and did everything I ask for, I won't cheat on you again. I know I had the affair, but don't you want to try to win me back?"
Ok, maybe I went overboard, but he sounds like a selfish, blameshifting, rug sweeping, disrespectful piece of shit. Yes, you are absolutely doing the right thing moving forward with the divorce. He made it point blank obvious that he wants his secrecy and doesn't care to make you feel comfortable or secure in your marriage.
Sounds like you are trying to think of ways to manipulate him, like you are going to play games to get him to treat you differently. I definitely don't recommend that. Since he obviously isn't remorseful, the goal is to stop caring about the things he says and does and work towards being indifferent to him. It really doesn't matter what he thinks or says anymore, and you need to cut off communications with him so you can focus on the other people in your life that deserve your attention..
ETA: I posted this before I saw you're most recent post. I agree to just tell him you aren't discussing it. Sorry he is being such a dick. Hugs to you..
[This message edited by ButterflyGirl at 11:23 AM, February 22nd (Saturday)]