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She11ybeanz posted 2/21/2014 20:56 PM

“Home wasn't a set house, or a single town on a map. It was wherever the people who loved you were, whenever you were together. Not a place, but a moment, and then another, building on each other like bricks to create a solid shelter that you take with you for your entire life, wherever you may go.”
― Sarah Dessen, What Happened to Goodbye

Its going to be hard to close this chapter.... so for right now.... I'm going to let myself cry and mourn leaving my 1st solo home.....my daughter's 1st home.... and try to embrace this change in our lives.

Hoping for the best. Praying for a brighter future for us both...

I want to be happy.....but right now I just need to get the sadness out....

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 8:58 PM, February 21st (Friday)]

She11ybeanz posted 2/21/2014 21:25 PM

I wish I could jump into my computer right now.... and get big hugs from all of my SI family....because tonight... I could use more hugs than the night sky has stars...

meaniemouse posted 2/21/2014 21:42 PM

Shelly it will be fine. Let yourself have tonight to close the chapter on your first home together but tomorrow focus on the bright future that is ahead for you both.

I have a painted ceramic tile that I picked up somewhere and it says, "Home is where your mom is." No matter where you and Baby Bean are--as long as you're together you're home.

Big hugs to you as you move into the next phase of life with your little one. There will be many endings and beginnings as she grows up and she will need you to be there for her, strong and proud. You can do it. You are fierce and a wonderful mother and protector and everything your little girl needs.

She11ybeanz posted 2/21/2014 21:47 PM

Thank you. I know I'm not rich.... or perfect... but everything I do is for my daughter. I am doing all of this for her... I've come to realize that SHE is the love of my life. My soulmate. The unconditional love that I receive from my child is something I have searched for my entire life in a romantic relationship.... but I was looking in the wrong places... I see that love through those big brown doe eyes of my little girl. And, I would give my life to save hers.....I would move mountains and do anything to always make sure that even though I'm a single mom....that she gets twice the love....and always knows that I will be here for her....in this life and the next.

Whalers11 posted 2/21/2014 21:50 PM

Change is hard.

Be kind to yourself. Piper is happy just to be where you are. That is home.

Williesmom posted 2/21/2014 21:55 PM

((shelly))

I'm sorry. Be kind to yourself - you're a wonderful mother.

Kajem posted 2/21/2014 23:48 PM

Shelly,

My DGD is almost 2. Her mom (DD) is a single mom. DD got pregnant her junior year of college by an exbf. She moved back home with me at the end of fall semester. DGD was due end of spring semester. October 2013, my home of 20+ years was foreclosed on. It was the only home my kids have known.

It was a struggle to make the payments while CS was diminishing as my kids were reaching the age of majority. I kept praying to be able to keep the house till the youngest could go off to college. I made it-she left in August. It wasn't an ideal situation for me-but there are many blessings that have come out of that situation for me.

I think you'll see your blessings soon.
I'm looking forward to reading about them.

K

cmego posted 2/22/2014 06:56 AM

Just try to focus on the positive that will come from the changes.

better4me posted 2/22/2014 10:50 AM

(((shelly)))

Amazonia posted 2/23/2014 08:13 AM

How are you today Shelly? How'd the move go?

I read something recently about visualization, and the study they did found that people who visualize themselves doing things to lead to success had a much higher rate of actually succeeding than those who simply visualized themselves at the moment of success.

Okay, I realize this seems like a terrible tangent.

What I mean to say is, now that you've had a chance to grieve, and are focused on and in the next step, the moving forward part, I think you have a lot of exciting stuff to visualize.

Visualize or focus on seeing yourself thrive in your new situation, saving money, bonding with your dad (and Piper bonding with him!), making new happy memories together in your new home, etc. and those two years will be up before you know it and you'll be back on your feet.

I know you will succeed and thrive even in this less than ideal situation, because your priorities are exactly in the right order and you're making smart choices to take care of Piper and yourself. But don't discredit the opportunities you have for joy along the way while you get there, even in the less than ideal.

[This message edited by Amazonia at 8:14 AM, February 23rd (Sunday)]

She11ybeanz posted 2/23/2014 20:40 PM

The move went better than I could have ever expected....I had friends come out of the woodwork to help me! At least 10 or more people...we had my entire place packed up in less than 2 hours and moved everything to my dads and the storage unit in about 4 and a half hours! It was pure magic. I was very humbled by all the help.

Today I've had a slight feeling of melancholy waking up in my old room as if in a dream....as if I had never lived on my own at all. It kinda saddens me. I want to be a good influence to my daughter....I want her to know what a strong independent woman I am....but I don't feel like much of one right now.... so much to unpack...but its a work in progress. I won't have cable in my room until my direct TV promotion runs out in April. But, then I plan on taking over that bill.

Today I focused on finding the things that are important. My laptop, Nexus 7, my chargers, my cell phone, and more importantly my daughters turtle nightlight....it had been accidentally taken to storage and I spent about an hour climbing mount crapmore and digging through boxes until I located it. She has slept with that light now since she was 4 months old....and I was NOT going to let her down. Not now....not ever. Her excitment when I told her I had it brought me eternal joy....she just made this..."Ouuuuuuuu" sound and it made me smile. She went right to bed tonight...which made me very happy. I think once things settle in....she will like her new home.

I have many plans over the next few years...my car will be paid off in 1 and a half years....my credit car bills in 2.7 years...and I hope I can pay off some medical bills on my credit with tax money. I paid my mom back every cent I owed her on these past taxes. We are now "Square." I hope once Piper starts school....I will be in the place I need to be for us to finally look for our very own home. I'm very excited about all of the possibilites and of even just getting a shortterm sense of normalcy back into my life... I really need that.

I've gained a couple pounds...and feel awful...just been too busy to be selfish to workout. But, I am going to run after work tomorrow and make it a priority to get back to feeling like my old self again. I'm gonna work on my daughter's playroom and help my dad get his house back to a place that he is happy with. Its important for me that this change not feel like a burden...but more of a chance for me to help him improve the value of his home both monetarily through improvements made but also with love and company. I think it could be a good time for us both....and I'm trying to stay optimistic.

I doubt I will date...it seems like the last thing that I even think about anymore... but I do hope this change will feel more like a step in the right direction as opposed to a step back. After the increase in my medical insurance that goes into effect in a month or so (an extra 100 out of my paycheck a month) and my student loans kicking back in....I know I made the right decision. The stress of making ends meet would have drove me insane...and the stress of dealing with my sister even more so. I was a slave to her mood swings.

Thank you all for your love and support....even tough love when I need it...(which is often I know). Believe it or not....I hate drama....it does tend to come into my life often...but I hate it. I can't wait to get back into a nice boring routine with my family....have lots of baby hugs.... and watch my little one grow and thrive.

Keep us in your prayers....we will need lots of them over the next while....

Jeaniegirl posted 2/23/2014 23:28 PM

Shelly, I think this is a positive step for you. Getting the debts paid off and helping your dad. The time will FLY by and your little girl will be in school before you know it. You are doing what is best and a stress-free Mom will be appreciated by her! Enjoy her while she's little, those times are precious.

I'd be willing to bet that by the time she is 7-8 years old, you will be BUYING your own home!

Relax and enjoy your surroundings and your daughter and your dad!

Pentup posted 2/24/2014 07:02 AM

You ARE showing your daughter a strong independant woman. It does not matter that you are in your old room. What matters is that you are being fiscally responsible, that you have friends that love you and you will move heaven and mount crapmore to make her feel safe. Kudos Shelley!