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My mom really hurt my feelings....

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BeHappyAgain posted 2/21/2014 23:49 PM

I know this is probably way more dramatic than it would normally be, but for some reason it just triggered a ton of emotions for me. I'm just angry!! I was having a really great couple of days and now I just feel as sad as ever.

I mustered up the courage to schedule my appointment to file for divorce. This is a big deal for me. Huge. I realize my family is a little frustrated with me because they wanted me to do this two months ago. Anyways, I called her to tell her that I made the appointment and her response was (in the happiest voice ever), " oh!! Really?!?!? Are you excited??"

Am I excited? Are you effing kidding me? Yes mom. I'm overjoyed that I'm divorcing my husband. Thrilled that this is my life. Ecstatic that you all felt he was a creep out entire marriage and never told me. Dancing around the room that the man I had children with and spent 10 years of my life with never really loved me.

I am just beside myself right now. WH spent his life isolating himself from others and is getting all the support In the world from his family, therapists, etc. I am a caring, loving person who wants nothing more than to spend my life with people I love yet I sit here alone. No calls from friends or family. Nothing. And that isolated life is really what he has created for me.

I don't know who I'm mad at anymore lol. Hurting a lot tonight.

ThoughtIKnewYa posted 2/21/2014 23:52 PM

(((((((((BeHappyAgain)))))))))

BAB61 posted 2/22/2014 00:03 AM

(((BeHappyAgain)))) I am sorry you are feeling so alone. I just read an article about how hard it is for BS's to heal. People who have not been through it or never fully dealt with it expect us to 'just get over it'. The depth and breadth of our pain is minimized and pooh-poohed. Know that here on SI that will not happen. Ideally we would get the support we need IRL, infortunately that is often not the case. Feeling sad for you.

careerlady posted 2/22/2014 00:41 AM

(((BeHappyAgain)))
I'm sorry. I'm sure she was just projecting. Did you tell her she hurt you? I know your feelings are mixed and I understand as I also have a family just eager for the D that don't understand how much this hurts

CheaterMagnet posted 2/22/2014 01:31 AM

(((((((Hugs)))))))

This is too triggery for me to really comment, but know that I understand. And I care.

Thefly559 posted 2/22/2014 06:29 AM

I have realized that only a select few really understand the depths of pain caused by infidelity. Before it happened to me I think I was one of those who did not . This site is for all who do. You are safe to spill here. Your mother in that moment showed no empathy. She thought of herself and how happy she is that you are divorcing. In a way she meant well. Right now you made one of the biggest decisions in your entire life. I know the pain you suffer well. I understand and I am sorry. Stay strong and be gentle on yourself. It hurts now but you did the right thing and sometimes the right thing is hard and hurts. Wishing you strength and peace . Fly

Iamacrab posted 2/22/2014 06:58 AM

I'm sorry your mom hurt you.
I think that your mom meant well also. It's so true what others are saying, people that haven't been through it don't understand it. I think also people just feel like if their loved one is D they can automatically move forward, which in my experience isn't nearly that automatic no matter how much I wished it to be.
I also think moving forward to D should be in a positive about you though. Taking control and doing what you need to be healthy in the long run isn't easy and in my opinion you should know that takes strong person. That's big.

Sorry, typos!

[This message edited by Iamacrab at 7:00 AM, February 22nd (Saturday)]

nekorb posted 2/22/2014 07:18 AM

(((Hugs)))

kg201 posted 2/22/2014 07:46 AM

((Behappy))

It is hard with parents. They tend to feel the pain of the infidelity in a different way from us, and as a result their expression doesn't necessarily jive with ours. In my case it has come out as anxiety and advice which just bugs the hell out of me. Their advice on what I should do always feels like they believe I have no idea what I'm doing.

Ultimately I try to remind myself that my parents only want to help me, but trying to manage their anxiety along with my own has been hard.

Have you, in less difficult moments, told your mother how those sorts of expressions make you feel? Is that something she would be able to hear? Have you tried to express to your family the type of support you think you might need from them? Giving them concrete ideas on what is supportive and what isn't may help in the future.

Hang in there.

Gemini71 posted 2/22/2014 08:53 AM

Absolutely. Parents feel a lot more anger and frustration. The instinct is to protect your young, to give them a kiss and make it better. There really isn't much a parent can actively do to help in this kind of situation.

When I was in limbo, I asked myself what I would do if someone did this to my daughter. The answer is that I would want blood! The cheating bastard's head on a platter. From that view point, it is easy to decide what to do. But when you're actually in the relationship, its not so easy.

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