Bogey, I know how you feel. I thought I was all alone even on SI because everyone seemed to be talking about heterosexual, romantic affairs. Then one day I got the most helpful reply from an SI person. I will be ever grateful to her. I have posted her response to me. She seems very wise to me. I hope her response is helpful to you as well.
Thessalian has posted a reply to your topic "Is anyone in my situation?".
Here is the response:
Oh honey. I'm sorry - huge hugs to you.
I'm in your boat. I'm 6 months in. My husband also is bisexual, only interested in men sexually and not romantically. And last year I found out that my perfect husband was a secret sex addict, or at the very least, compulsively acting out sexual behavior. He was hooking up with anonymous people and browsing Craigslist, having an affair, having one night stands, using prostitutes, and a whole, whole lot of other things. It is absolutely heart-breaking to be here - but I'm stronger now, and I can share a little of what I've learned.
A few things I've learned in the last 6 months:
My WH, one month into this process, said the same thing yours did. "Why can't you just let this go?" Turns out there was way, way, way more to the already very sordid story. I only had a small part of it then.
If your WS is getting angry with you when you bring things up, there's only one single reason: he's still got a huge mountain of lies under there (yes, EVEN MORE STUFF than the huge mountain of lies you've already uncovered, though it seems impossible). If he is being arrogant about what he has told you, he's protecting a lot of things he hasn't, and when you find out what they are, if you do, you will be completely floored. You think that stuff only went back a year? It didn't. I'm so sorry, but brace yourself for that.
Think logically: this kind of behavior does not magically appear in someone's life in a year. No one goes from healthy, sane, and faithful to rapacious, brazen adulterer in 12 months. Can you imagine yourself one year from now having had encounters with 7 men in 12 months? No, because no one degenerates that fast. It takes years to build up to betraying your spouse this blatantly and this frequently. Which means you are - I'm so sorry - looking at the tip of the iceberg.
Because of the high liklihood that there is more going on than you know, please, be very careful with your heart and expectations. I received the following advice from a friend early on in the discovery process, and I didn't listen. And not listening to his advice almost cost me my sanity. He said:
"Don't make any 'safe spaces' for yourself in your head, this situation is just flat-out bad." For example, don't say to yourself, "He may have cheated but at least he used a condom!" or "He may have cheated but at least he didn't have any emotional affairs, because that would kill me!" I was doing a lot of that kind of thinking, but every time I would make a safe space for myself mentally, like "At least he never brought anyone to our house", or "At least he never told anyone he loved them," it would turn out later that he had, and then the little castle I built for myself was shattered. That was emotionally devastating, and I could have saved myself that pain in the beginning by not doing that.
If he's still getting angry with you, he may not be ready for that retreat, though hopefully it may get him closer to a point where he can tell the truth. He'll only stop getting mad when the whole truth is out, and he's still protecting the truth. The question is whether or not you can stand it that long.
2) Someone else on SI showed me this link, and it has been a total life-saver (we'll see if it ends up being a marriage-saver or not). My husband is doing this program: recoverynation.com - it's free!
They also have a program for spouses of sex addicts, and reading on there has helped me immensely. I couldn't BELIEVE how much I related to all the spouses there, and how much our stories matched up, how accurate the description of the sex addict personality is - incredible. Check it out. The advice is absolutely invaluable and all of it has been spot-on for me.
3) I don't know how much you've read about sex addiction yet, but get an STD test. Sex addicts will lie and lie and lie and lie and lie about using protection. Make him get one, and get one yourself. Don't have sex without a condom for six months.
4) Everyone says this on here but "take care of yourself first". Treat yourself - there never was a better time and you need it. Sleep, eat, rest, get that box of Godiva for yourself, lean on your friends, and concentrate on YOU first. I know this is impossible advice to take right now when you're so wrapped up in the whirlwind of his crap, but focus on YOU. Your happiness, your mental health, your physical health, your enjoyment of life, your job.
5) In some ways, I felt that my husband screwing around with THAT many people freed me somehow from worrying about me not being good enough. He clearly has a problem that has absolutely nothing to do with me: the same goes for your husband. This is not because you are not pretty enough, nice enough, or a good enough wife. He is just a vastly screwed up guy.
The Recovery Nation site has way more great advice than I can type here, but just know that I hear you, I sympathize. This road is insanely hard, but you are beautiful and strong and loyal, you didn't deserve this, and I hope your husband pulls
You can view this topic at: http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=523353.