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success in D, a small triumph

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716dayslost posted 2/22/2014 00:23 AM

I wanted to share a brief personal experience that some BS may enjoy.
Today my divorce was final. I picked up the papers and filed them with the county.
When you read this it may sound like a victory, and congrats to me. But I tell you it is not, feels nothing like that. What it feels like is my WW/our M was in a shocking accident that put her in a coma for two months. The wife I knew was no longer there, and so today the life support plug was pulled. Grief and relief, but no real victory.

Ok, now for the BS... My WW and I have been together for 30 years and married 20+. We have a little equity in our home, and modest assets. WW wanted to just walk away from everything. She said she would sign off. I said ok, no lawyers we would do it ourselves. I said that because not only would lawyers be a huge expense, it would make the situation adversarial and I would lose my home. In my state I ran the numbers and a standard decree would have hit me hard. WW makes 1/3 of my income, and my retirement is at least that greater than hers. I drew up a Marital Separation Agreement that stated she takes personal assets/debts and clothes. I keep the house/mortgage and contents, plus my full retirement. No alimony.
I got a call from the court office this week to pick up the paperwork, almost a month faster than expected. She said my paperwork was perfect. I had all ducks in a row.
Just in alimony alone, WW gave up six figures. I would have never been able to afford my home. No kids, but I keep our dog full custody as well.
Honestly, for WW this was compounding the mistake of a lifetime. She will now have a huge lifestyle downgrade and I feel she will suffer financially.

Ok, for all those that warned me that I must have a lawyer, I did it myself! Now, my caveat is kids, don't try this at home. My situation was very unique. Had I not acted quickly WW may have changed her mind. I still think lawyers are a good thing to have in most cases.

The conclusion to this? Maybe sometimes people that do evil get what is due them. Maybe more importantly that for once the innocent and righteous prevailed. Chalk this one up as one for all the good guys out there.

BAB61 posted 2/22/2014 00:27 AM

Yay for you!

metamorphisis posted 2/22/2014 06:58 AM

I'm sorry that it has all come to this 716, and I know how sad you must be. I am so relieved that this this all worked out for you though and that you get to keep your home and that the actual divorce itself went smoothly for you. Sending strength.

nekorb posted 2/22/2014 07:24 AM

I'm glad it has come to an end for you.

Williesmom posted 2/22/2014 07:48 AM

I had exactly the same sitch. My wxh walked away with nothing in order to have personal happiness. He is currently in the process of crashing and burning.

I'm happy for you.

716dayslost posted 2/22/2014 14:52 PM

Thank you for your comments and concerns.
mm special thanks for hanging in there with me for a long time.
I actually feel like a weight of uncertainty has been removed.
Also, part of my is high fiving because I did this... I rocked this D. Yeah, kind of feels good to own that. :)
A little surprised that so few responded. I thought this was good news, to see that sometimes good people come out on top and bad people get their karma. I may post something in General too. Because for me I drew strength from other's success.
Many, many thanks... now back to square one...

devistatedmom posted 2/22/2014 14:57 PM

It is good news 716. Good for you getting it done and getting a settlement that is in your favour. Many times, especially for our male BS's, the outcome is almost a financial ruin. It's nice to see that once in a while we win!

myowndystopia posted 2/22/2014 16:43 PM

Off to new beginnings? Congrats. I am hoping the innocent and righteous will prevail another time---soon.

nowiknow23 posted 2/22/2014 17:15 PM

Weekends tend to be slower, 716.

Congratulations on rocking your D.

Nature_Girl posted 2/22/2014 18:36 PM

Congratulations on getting this over with expeditiously and starting a new chapter in your life!

movingforward13 posted 2/22/2014 20:25 PM

Your situation is a good example why we tell people to file right away... Unremorseful wayward aren't thinking straight after DDay and usually the guilt consumes them and they will tend to fork over their entitlements because they are guilty. Good for you. I am so happy the bitch got what she deserved... Nothing.

Same case for my situation. I didn't have a lawyer. Did a lot of research and reading, spoke to attorneys here and there to ask random questions. I gave my XWH a fair settlement - but I wasn't going to negotiate on custody and who claims the child on taxes. I won, my XWH got nothing out of the divorce except joint legal rights and a visitation schedule. I got everything else. Our situation was also different because we weren't married very long, so there weren't assets to split or anything since I closed all joint accounts prior to filing and we had no joint debt. There was no point in me paying an attorney and my ex was strapped for cash so he couldn't afford a fight. I was very fair which also helped speed everything up as I wasn't out to screw him.. If anything, I would have filed sooner. I waited 7 months after DDay. I should have filed for divorce within the first two weeks. Strike while the iron is hot.

Chrysalis123 posted 2/22/2014 22:21 PM

It is wonderful to here about this. So many male BS get such an unfair and sickening deal from divorce.

716dayslost posted 2/22/2014 23:06 PM

Thank you all. I hope I did not sound boastful or like I was pandering for congratulations. Rather, as I said so many times I have celebrated the triumph of others that it got me through tough spots.
It reminds me of the line in the movie Hoosiers, "Let's win this one for all the small schools that never had a chance to get here." In a way I feel like I represent BS who are waiting for the sun to smile on them for once.
For the first time in two months my life is not dangling in the breeze wondering if she will change her mind. The power has shifted and it is a huge relief.

Twice A Fool posted 2/23/2014 12:19 PM

Congratulations! You've won the divorce lottery!

hangingonin posted 2/23/2014 12:53 PM

Congratulations. It's posts like these that make it all worth while.

persevere posted 2/23/2014 13:23 PM

Getting an agreement early on is smart. Way to go and so happy that now you can start your own new beginning.

toomanyregrets posted 2/23/2014 15:55 PM

Sorry to hear that your M didn't work, but at least now you can get on with your life.

Harriet posted 2/24/2014 02:43 AM

Good for you! The best advice I got was to hurry, and I'm sitting pretty now, all done through mediation. Truly, the best advice is not to wait. I would tell others, even if they hope the divorce doesn't actually go through, don't drag your feet during settlement.

allatsea posted 2/24/2014 02:55 AM

I am very pleased for you.

Most of us aren't so 'fortunate' to have a WS that is prepared to take the consequences of their actions on the chin.

I'm sure you know what I mean when I say I envy you. No one on here is really envious of anyone else's situation. But you get the jist

Well done


716dayslost posted 2/24/2014 12:06 PM

The number one key I feel was the ability to keep emotions oustide of my decision making and interaction with WW. I made my actions based out hwat would benefit the outcome, not what I emotionally felt. We never really fought or argued.
I too approached her with love in my heart. That kept me from sabataging my future. Candidly I still love her. But that love will be placed in a rubbermaid tub along with memories of our M. Something I cannot hold in my heart any longer.

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