Anyway, I'm wondering how those of you that did/are doing in house handled the finances? I want to make sure he doesn't continue to have claim in the house (he helped but it but only my name is on it) because equity is increasing fast so I have been paying the mortgage out of my own account since I filed. I also transferred most of the bills over. Still in the joint account where his money is is the cell phone bill (family account with me, him and his brother), an HOA fee of about $200 and my life insurance for $124. I have basically been counting this as his rent. BUT he has the run of the house, sleeps in the master, and isn't paying for the nanny or child support save buying a couple of groceries. He says he will move out but I see NO motion in this direction and doubt it will happen until the D is settled (currently trying to get a default while his is trying to Hoover). He has said he'll pay what i think is fair. So I've been thinking about sending him an email saying what he should be paying and when. So maybe the $500 he would owe me in CS if I got my 80/20 custody plus some $$$ in rent. But how much should the rent be? And would it be cleaner if I put the rest of the bills in my name? (And separated the phones of course?). Should he pay 20% of the nanny?
Thanks in advance for any advice on how to split things up and how to word the email. Trying to come out of my scaredy cat codependent shell!
As for the snake's stuff. Get a big box with a lid and just chuck anything he leaves lying around into it. If he asks where anything is, show him the box. Once it's full, tip it onto the floor in his room....or if his door has a lock on it, get another box and start filling it too. Makes it safe for your little one but sends a clear message to the snake as well.
Finally reached indifference & looking forward to my new beginning
I split our groceries 50/50. After all, 4 of us in the house, he should pay to feed is kids as much as I, so it was 50/50.
I didn't have nanny expenses, but WTF are you thinking 20%???? Are they his kids?? Then he should be paying 50%!
I handed him the application to get his own gas card. He could pay his own gas expenses. No more using mine.
Now, in your case, you have been paying all the mortgage payments, etc, but I think you will need to talk to a lawyer to see if that's enough to cut him out of the equity. I don't think it is. Any "rent" he pays will be looked at as his part of the household expenses, and you will owe him half the equity on the marital home when you file. If that's so, he should be paying half. If you paying the mortgage solely makes it you only owe him equity up to when he was contributing months ago, then keep it that way. Check with a lawyer.
Chores...I told mine that while he was living in the house Tues and Thurs (I picked two nights) he was responsible for feeding the kids, homework, etc. I made it clear I expected him to clean certain areas, etc. If he didn't keep it up, he could get out NOW. It's a little harder I think because you are both living in the areas, and what are you going to do if he doesn't?? Only recourse is tell him to leave.
On that note, don't let him keep going like this. TELL him he has until March 15 (or whatever) to get out. Give him a deadline.
As far as the rest (keeping the house, equity, etc) get thee to a lawyer.
WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.
"'Cause there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew.
All the things you'd say, they were never true, never true "
Set Fire to the Rain
Devistatedmom - very helpful post thanks. I guess I make about 50% more but not sure I want to look at it that way since I don't want to pay SS. I can't really split the groceries evenly since he's often gone mon or Tues through Friday. Maybe I'll charge him like a $50 flat fee?
The reason I suggested he pay 20% of the nanny is because I am going for 80% custody so technically I'm 80% responsible for his care right? Although 20% will be a significant increase for him since he currently only watches him during part of my weekend work hours (I am working this evening and I'm caring for DS until I leave and the nanny watches him until almost bedtime because the Snake is off with his trainer )
About the mortgage. I filed in November and though I'm using a paralegal now to try and get a default judgement I did consult with a lawyer and she said since the house is just in my name (he had to quit claim due to back CS for his OC) I could argue it's separate property and just pay him back his half of the down payment and mortgage paid from community funds. I decided I'd throw in the equity to make it seem even more fair to the Snake and the judge.
I think I'm screwed on the chores, you're right. I'll make requests but they won't happen. As for giving h a deadline to leave he's threatened to stay until I buy him out and I'm sure he'll go back to that. But maybe if I charge more he'll be more inclined to leave.
Another thought that worries me is that I will be giving him a clearer picture of his future finances. He is already paying $1500 in CS for his OC. With CS and partial nanny for DS he's looking at a 3rd of his paycheck gone. He might consider this and go after SS, which would kill me
My question...How do you make STBX pay what you are charging for bills, rent, etc? Some of these POS people will just laugh at what we are asking unless/until there is a legal agreement in place?