He took my laptop and messaged a man that he was friends with. The friend took my side when he heard about WH cheating, so they no longer keep in contact. WH got mad when the friend responded, so he pulled a knife out of the drawer and came over to me. He told me to never talk to the friend, and he would kill me and the friend if there was further contact.
I am terrified and ashamed that I married someone like this. I left immediately after he passed out, and now I'm receiving calls and texts from him. He keeps making excuses for pulling out the knife and swearing that he wasn't going to hurt me.
This hurts so much worse than the infidelity. Before he passed out, he grabbed me and gave me a huge hickey on my neck to show that I belong to him. I've also caught him checking my underwear in the past to look for another man's cum. I'm so embarrassed to talk about this and I'm afraid for my children. I'm the BS being treated like the WS, and I'm so scared and upset. I will never go back to this man and I refuse to let him see our children.
IMO, you should do the above immediately if you haven't already, then, get yourself the meanest best lawyer around, and move and don't let him find out the new address or phone number.
This man is frightening, he's dangerous, please don't risk yourself becoming another statistic.
Just get away from him, you cannot spend another minute around him, he's not safe.
...(A)nd he would kill me and the friend if there was further contact.
Before he passed out, he grabbed me and gave me a huge hickey on my neck to show that I belong to him.
There is no excuse ever that would make what he has done to you OK in any way. You do not have to put up with threats of death and be victimized by assault with a deadly weapon. You are not an animal that needs to be branded to show ownership. You need to teach your children that NOBODY has the right to abuse you or them. You need to protect yourself and your children.
Hang in there and stay safe.
If you file a police report, it will be on their records what this man is like. That way, if anything happens in the future, he can't twist the story because all you would have to do is refer the police to the former police report, and they will know what he is truly like. He can't tell them a story and get away with it that way. So to file a police report, even though it didn't just now happen, is the wisest thing to do.
You need to be in a place where he doesn't know about. Change your address, phone number, email, everything!
Be sure to alert the police about any contact he tries to make with you or the kids.
Walk a Mile In My Shoes
Married 14 yrs. Now Separated & in NC
2 grown DD's - his from previous M
4 grown kids (2DS, 2DD) mine from previous M
He keeps making excuses for pulling out the knife and swearing that he wasn't going to hurt me.
There are no valid excuses for pulling the knife. Maybe he wasn't going to hurt you, but that was still an act of violence. A violent man who believes he owns you WILL end up escalating the violence.
Please follow the advice given by others here. You need to get away from this guy. We all care about you, and don't want anything worse to happen to you.
The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous!
No excuse, as the others have said.
Do not wait for a next time. Get out. NOW.
Go to the police. They will have resources to help you.
Um, if he 'wasn't going to hurt' you then why the fuck did he need a knife??? Whether he was 'going to hurt' you or not, the fact is that he COULD HAVE hurt you.
I am terrified and ashamed that I married someone like this.
The shame is not on you for trusting that your WH would treat you - at a MINIMUM - the ordinary courtesy and respect that ANY person should be accorded. And this incident goes so far beyond lack of courtesy and respect that it is truly dangerous for you and your children. You are right to be terrified.
As the others have said - file a police report and go with your children to a women's shelter NOW. Whether you think you can or should accept this kind of behavior (you shouldn't), your CHILDREN need protection.
This man is dangerous, you need to save yourself and your children.
Sending you loads of strength. You can do this.
Document, document, document.
Do as others have suggested. Get out,and file restraining orders. There are no excuses for what he did.
The next phase is for him to blow up your phone with apologies, Oh Baby, It Will Never Happen Again, I Love You's, trying to find out from your friends/family where you are, and beseeching you to not break up your family, "Think of the Children!" Or, more chillingly, especially if you don't trot back to him like a good little chattel, threats against you, your children, and your family. All designed to bring you to heel and back under his control. You may not make it out next time, if you go back to him, and that means that he will be the ONLY person raising your children.
1-800-779-7233 is the number of the national domestic violence hotline. Please, give them a call and talk to someone. Please make sure to fill out a report at the police office and seek an RO. Please see a lawyer ASAP. And keep coming back here for support. We're all very concerned for you. (((hugs)))
D-Day, June 10, 2012
Believe me, I totally understand the feelings of embarrassment and shame but you have NOTHING to be ashamed of.
Please, please get help. For you and your babies.
I've seen this scene too much. He will do it again. Each time he will ratchet it up a notch. Do not feel shame. Do not accept the blame. This is not about you. He is broken and dangerous. Please get out.
“The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.”
― Pema Chödrön
I am also going to see if I can get full custody of our child, and ask about keeping the PFA so he can't be around when I go into labor. With pregnancy, bruises tend to heal slower for me, so I still have the hickey. I will make sure they take a picture of it (even though I already did).
I know I should have went already, but I wanted to wait until I knew he'd be at work. I did speak to a lawyer that I know who said that taking our child for the weekend could not be seen as kidnapping because we both have custody. Not sure if that will hold up, but I plan on filing for full custody and divorce tomorrow as well. Thanks again for all of your advice!
[This message edited by Ostrich80 at 11:42 PM, February 23rd (Sunday)]
so he can't be around when I go into labor.
And have no fear -- you haven't *kidnapped* your child.
Good luck to you tomorrow......
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.