SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So I was awake one night in bed and laughed about something I saw on the internet. My WH woke up wanting to know what was so funny. I was laughing too hard to get the story out, so he assumed I was talking to another man.

He took my laptop and messaged a man that he was friends with. The friend took my side when he heard about WH cheating, so they no longer keep in contact. WH got mad when the friend responded, so he pulled a knife out of the drawer and came over to me. He told me to never talk to the friend, and he would kill me and the friend if there was further contact.

I am terrified and ashamed that I married someone like this. I left immediately after he passed out, and now I'm receiving calls and texts from him. He keeps making excuses for pulling out the knife and swearing that he wasn't going to hurt me.

This hurts so much worse than the infidelity. Before he passed out, he grabbed me and gave me a huge hickey on my neck to show that I belong to him. I've also caught him checking my underwear in the past to look for another man's cum. I'm so embarrassed to talk about this and I'm afraid for my children. I'm the BS being treated like the WS, and I'm so scared and upset. I will never go back to this man and I refuse to let him see our children.

Please tell me you've been to the police and filed a complaint, please tell me you have an RO to give you a little protection from this creep.

IMO, you should do the above immediately if you haven't already, then, get yourself the meanest best lawyer around, and move and don't let him find out the new address or phone number.

This man is frightening, he's dangerous, please don't risk yourself becoming another statistic.

Just get away from him, you cannot spend another minute around him, he's not safe.

Hugs.

...(A)nd he would kill me and the friend if there was further contact.

Before he passed out, he grabbed me and gave me a huge hickey on my neck to show that I belong to him.

Please get yourself and your children to a battered women's shelter NOW. Do not try to convince yourself that it was the drinking/drugs/stress/what the hell ever. He is abusive, controlling and dangerous. Get away from him, protect yourself and your children, file a police report and do not answer when he calls or sends text messages.

There is no excuse ever that would make what he has done to you OK in any way. You do not have to put up with threats of death and be victimized by assault with a deadly weapon. You are not an animal that needs to be branded to show ownership. You need to teach your children that NOBODY has the right to abuse you or them. You need to protect yourself and your children.

Hang in there and stay safe.

Jp

Don't think for one second this is a one off or something that will never happen again. He just upped the ante and if you stick around your going to find yourself in a world of misery. This guys has some serious mental issues that you can not fix. You need to get the legal system involved now. You need to get as far away from him as possible. If you allow him to nice himself back into your life the next time he just might kill you. Don't think he is sorry for what he has done. He has labeled you his property and wants his possession back. And he will say all the right things and try and act as kind as possible to get you back in the house. But once there the abuse is going to be ramped up and possibly lead to the end of your life and perhaps your children's as well. Please run far and run fast, your life depends on it.

stronger08 is absolutely right! Keep as far from him as you can. You did the right thing in getting away from him. Be sure he is blocked from all contact with you and the kids. The kids need to switch to a school where he wouldn't expect to find them.

FIRST:

If you file a police report, it will be on their records what this man is like. That way, if anything happens in the future, he can't twist the story because all you would have to do is refer the police to the former police report, and they will know what he is truly like. He can't tell them a story and get away with it that way. So to file a police report, even though it didn't just now happen, is the wisest thing to do.

SECOND:

You need to be in a place where he doesn't know about. Change your address, phone number, email, everything!

THIRD:

Be sure to alert the police about any contact he tries to make with you or the kids.

pinkcottoncandy, I agree with the others. Go to the police NOW and get an emergency restraining order. Then go to the court and make it permanent. Otherwise, by taking your children and refusing him access, you are setting up a situation where if he files a police report or goes to court accusing you of kidnapping, it is a he said/she said situation. Don't let that happen. It will put you and the children in a much more vulnerable position.

He keeps making excuses for pulling out the knife and swearing that he wasn't going to hurt me.

There are no valid excuses for pulling the knife. Maybe he wasn't going to hurt you, but that was still an act of violence. A violent man who believes he owns you WILL end up escalating the violence.

Please follow the advice given by others here. You need to get away from this guy. We all care about you, and don't want anything worse to happen to you.

I've given up cussing (mostly), but WTF?!?!?!

No excuse, as the others have said.

Do not wait for a next time. Get out. NOW.

Go to the police. They will have resources to help you.

(((Hugs)))

(((Pcc))))

He keeps making excuses for pulling out the knife and swearing that he wasn't going to hurt me.

Um, if he 'wasn't going to hurt' you then why the fuck did he need a knife??? Whether he was 'going to hurt' you or not, the fact is that he COULD HAVE hurt you.

I am terrified and ashamed that I married someone like this.

The shame is not on you for trusting that your WH would treat you - at a MINIMUM - the ordinary courtesy and respect that ANY person should be accorded. And this incident goes so far beyond lack of courtesy and respect that it is truly dangerous for you and your children. You are right to be terrified.

As the others have said - file a police report and go with your children to a women's shelter NOW. Whether you think you can or should accept this kind of behavior (you shouldn't), your CHILDREN need protection.

This man is dangerous, you need to save yourself and your children.

Sending you loads of strength. You can do this.

((((Pcc))))

This is terrible and I am so sorry. Everyone else is giving you good advice. Additionally, save those text messages from him! That's about all the proof that you have of the incident. Don't let anything happen to those. Forward them to someone, print them, send them to an email address, but definitely save them!

Screen shots of the texts work well too.

Document, document, document.

He wasn't going to hurt you? But he DID hurt you, emotionally, mentally and physically (because your body reacted to it, correct?)

Do as others have suggested. Get out,and file restraining orders. There are no excuses for what he did.

Follow the advice above. Go to the police and find a place to stay where he can't find you. This isn't going to get better. He will kill you if you stay with him.

Sweetheart, he just showed you who he was. He just showed you what is going to happen next. Abusers never de-escalate their physical abuse. They keep it going.

The next phase is for him to blow up your phone with apologies, Oh Baby, It Will Never Happen Again, I Love You's, trying to find out from your friends/family where you are, and beseeching you to not break up your family, "Think of the Children!" Or, more chillingly, especially if you don't trot back to him like a good little chattel, threats against you, your children, and your family. All designed to bring you to heel and back under his control. You may not make it out next time, if you go back to him, and that means that he will be the ONLY person raising your children.

1-800-779-7233 is the number of the national domestic violence hotline. Please, give them a call and talk to someone. Please make sure to fill out a report at the police office and seek an RO. Please see a lawyer ASAP. And keep coming back here for support. We're all very concerned for you. (((hugs)))

Get to the police, get to a shelter, get HELP. Everyone is right, it will only escalate from here.

Believe me, I totally understand the feelings of embarrassment and shame but you have NOTHING to be ashamed of.

Please, please get help. For you and your babies.

Get out. Get out now. Before you become a statistic, before your kids end up being raised by this man.

I've seen this scene too much. He will do it again. Each time he will ratchet it up a notch. Do not feel shame. Do not accept the blame. This is not about you. He is broken and dangerous. Please get out.

Pink - Please check in when you can. Very frightened for your safety.

Thank you everyone for the advice. I plan on getting a PFA tomorrow and filing a police report. I honestly had to use the weekend to get myself together. When he pulled out the knife, I was sure he was going to kill me. I'm very lucky that I wasn't hurt, and I don't want to put my life or my childrens' lives at risk anymore.

I am also going to see if I can get full custody of our child, and ask about keeping the PFA so he can't be around when I go into labor. With pregnancy, bruises tend to heal slower for me, so I still have the hickey. I will make sure they take a picture of it (even though I already did).

I know I should have went already, but I wanted to wait until I knew he'd be at work. I did speak to a lawyer that I know who said that taking our child for the weekend could not be seen as kidnapping because we both have custody. Not sure if that will hold up, but I plan on filing for full custody and divorce tomorrow as well. Thanks again for all of your advice!

Definitely file a report if you havent already and most definitely keep yourself and the kids somewhere he doesn't know about. Please don't take this lightly. Take care and please don't take chances..no matter how apologetic he may try to be.

If he's capable.of threatening you while drunk, he's capable sober..

Alcohol is no excuse. He's dangerous.

[This message edited by Ostrich80 at 11:42 PM, February 23rd (Sunday)]

so he can't be around when I go into labor.

You don't need any type of restraining order to make this happen. As the *giving birth* mom, you just tell your nurse -- "HE needs to go/not be here"......and he will be shown the door.

And have no fear -- you haven't *kidnapped* your child.

Good luck to you tomorrow......