SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

nekorb posted 2/22/2014 07:50 AM

I didn't want to t/j careerlady's thread.

I still wear my wedding rings. I haven't filed yet, but I'm not sure I will take them off then either. I love my wedding rings. I realize everything they stood for has been blown to bits.

I'm keeping them because I have children. Not sure how I will pass them along, but I will.

I don't think I will wear a ring on my left 4th finger. I thought maybe my middle finger on that hand.

Sadly, my favorite aunt is in hospice now. She has many lovely pieces of jewelry and rings and my hope is that I will be given one of them and I will probably wear that one.

All of my rings that I normally wear are from WH.

Amazonia posted 2/22/2014 08:15 AM

I'm not much into jewelry (pretty much never wear any), but when I took my rings off, I felt naked and so uncomfortable. I would constantly reach to fiddle with them, or have the momentary panic of thinking they were missing/lost until I remembered.

So I bought myself a right hand ring. I call it my New Beginnings Ring. It wasn't expensive, less than a hundred dollars, but I love it. It's a moonstone, symbolic of new life. I wear it to remind myself that I am complete and full within myself, and don't need anyone else to buy me pretty things (or otherwise complete me, if that metaphor wasn't clear ).

myowndystopia posted 2/22/2014 09:09 AM

I have repeatedly injured my left hand- usually involving a door closing on it- and the most recent time was last February. I'm thinking the big guy upstairs was trying to give me subtle hints. Anyway it took a couple months for swelling to go down enough to get ring off. And oddly enough I never put them back on! A year later I still have ring indentions on my finger. They now sit in a safety deposit box with all my other jewelry until grub moves out and the locks are changed.

Klove posted 2/22/2014 09:24 AM

Amazonia- I just love this idea. A reminder of my commitment to MYSELF. *tears*
Doing this TODAY so that had doesn't feel so naked.

lilacs40 posted 2/22/2014 10:32 AM

I took mine off after both DD and I will never put them on again. I will save then just in case either of my children want them but I can't see they would if they ever find out about the lies. If they don't maybe I will sell them. Or when I get enough money have the engagement stone put into a different setting.

I have always worn rings on both ring fingers so I too went out and bought a new one last week.

Sad in AZ posted 2/22/2014 10:59 AM

The X did not buy me a wedding ring--he felt he had spent enough on the engagement ring so I bought my own--it was a thin, white gold band that cost $28 (back in 1977). He didn't want a wedding ring; he worked for a magazine distributor and rings were not allowed to be worn because they could get caught in the strappings around the bundles; I was OK with this.

For our first anniversary, I bought myself an insert for my engagement ring. It was a big deal because it was an emerald cut which wasn't very common, so the insert was difficult to find.

We finally bought matching wedding rings in the mid-90s: Southwestern designs--buttes, mesas, pueblos. I still love mine but it never really felt like a real wedding ring.

Fast forward to the betrayal; I took off the wedding ring. It felt weird, so I replaced it with a ring that reads "To thine ownself be true"--my unwedding ring

After I left, I sold most of the gold items he had ever given me, including the original wedding band that I'd bought. I kept the southwestern ring, my engagement ring, and of course, the unwedding ring. I now wear it or the southwestern ring on my right hand.

I don't feel that I can ever give anyone the engagement ring; I feel it's tainted. I plan to sell it someday and use the money toward a nice trip.

[This message edited by Sad in AZ at 10:59 AM, February 22nd (Saturday)]

BAB61 posted 2/22/2014 11:08 AM

I plan to sell my engagement and wedding rings. Just waiting for the D to be final. Feels weird to write that, why wait? hmm, guess I'm old-fashioned about that kind of thing!

careerlady posted 2/22/2014 14:56 PM

I'm with Sad in AZ, I wouldn't want to pass my rings on to DS for fear some curse would come with it. Like BAB I plan to sell when things are finalized. The last one is worth a LOT (the Snake had us get it after he found out about his OC ) so I plan to use it to help finance paying his ass off.

Griefstricken25 posted 2/22/2014 15:09 PM

I never wore my rings after d-day. But I loved the diamond and just last year, finally saved enough money to repurpose it into a new beginning/family ring with my kids' birthstones. It is stunning. I wear it on my right hand and it represents me and my kids and our life. WXH is completely purged out of the picture.

grownapair posted 2/22/2014 15:26 PM

See, now I'm confused over what to do...my engagement ring is a family ring, it was my great aunt's and has a lot of sentimental value. It's absolutely gorgeous and I love it...but I do NOT love what it stands for now. I was thinking about taking it to a jeweller and getting the stones reset in some way that's less 'OMG ENGAGEMENT RING!'.

Love the 'new beginnings, new ring' idea too. My hand feels totally naked and I catch myself missing my rings a thousand times a day.

Sad in AZ posted 2/22/2014 15:46 PM

Perhaps you could find an insert; this is what my set looks like:

This is how they look individually:

WestMonroe91 posted 2/22/2014 20:35 PM

I will make it as simple as possible to get rid of mine. Thinking about going into a pawn shop and just taking the first offer. I have no sentimental or other attachment to it.

Leia posted 2/22/2014 23:03 PM

Thanks for posting this topic. I thought I would just sell my wedding ring, but the diamond is marquee cut and almost perfect clarity. It is small, but quality. I've never liked the setting, though. It stands up too high and catches on everything, so I never wore it. I think I might look into having it reset after reading the ideas on here--or I'll just sell it. I'm not going to keep a ring from a broken marriage. I'm also going to sell my grandma's wedding band. It doesn't fit me, and grandma & granddad probably should have gotten a divorce because neither of them were happy people. I don't feel bad about those decisions.

gypsybird87 posted 2/23/2014 13:23 PM

I've always preferred colored gemstones so I already had a lot of inexpensive right hand rings. I still wear them and now also on the middle finger of my left hand. I've lost so much weight they no longer fit my ring fingers anymore, just the middle fingers. I have lots of pretty colored pendants too.

XWH preferred diamonds. I have a beautiful wedding set with lots of diamonds including a large center stone. I also have three diamond pendants from him: a heart, a "journey", and one of those 3 stone drop "past, present, future" things.

All of them mean nothing to me and all will be sold when I either need the money or feel like dealing with it, whichever comes first. I have no desire to even keep or reset the stones. Like others have said, they feel tainted to me.

nowiknow23 posted 2/23/2014 13:45 PM

I sold the wedding rings to pay for the divorce filing fees. Seemed appropriate.

In my NB, I've purchased several rings to mark specific milestones - my NB cruise, my D being final, etc.. My most recent purchase is not for a milestone, but rather to honor my parents. I bought stacking rings with both Mom and Dad's birthstones.

Pass posted 2/24/2014 12:03 PM

I sold my wedding ring (only ring I wore) to help pay for my new Irish banjo a couple months after I left her arse. I look at those cool, utilitarian looking rings that engineers wear on their pinkies, and think I would love to have something like that. Some day I'll have some extra cash lying around, and I'll be able to get something.

NikkiD posted 2/24/2014 12:09 PM

I wear my class ring on my ring finger. It takes up the space...and keeps people from asking questions.

RealityStinks posted 2/24/2014 14:24 PM

I took mine off a week after I filed, and I feel naked as the day I was born. I keep it in my pocket. I'm still M, and I don't try to hide that fact. But, I'm not going to live a lie any longer. She wanted out, and she's getting out.

Plus, I found out a few weeks ago when I caught my WW with the OM, and she hasn't been wearing hers during our separation. To paraphrase a text message conversation between my WW and the lady she was living with: "WW, did you lose a diamond ring? It's looks like an engagement ring. Big center stone and small diamonds on each side." WW replied "Oh my gosh, yes! I'm so glad you found it!"

The lady evidently found it in the couch. Probably feel off when the OM was having his way with her.

I'll be getting the rings back. The large center diamond is a family stone that my mother gave me. I'll either hang on to and give it to my daughter one day (if I have one) or make a necklace with it and give it to my sister.

justjim posted 2/24/2014 14:46 PM

I cut my wedding band with a pair of wire cutters.

It sits on my dresser as a reminder that promises don't mean much to some people.

mamazen posted 2/25/2014 11:59 AM

I plan to offer my wedding band and engagement ring to WH as part of the settlement (yes, I'm the one who'll be paying....heavy sigh)

He bought them, I have no use for them, and he won't be able to afford new ones if he ever proposes to APwhore--he can have the diamonds reset. Win-win-win: I pay him less money, he gets the diamonds, and I have the satisfaction of knowing she's wearing MY diamonds!

Of course I haven't offered them yet...it's all a fantasy at the moment. But truly, they are tainted, and I don't want them.