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Unagie posted 2/22/2014 08:38 AM

My friend and coworker was promoted a few months ago. She has loved her new position and we speak regularly. We work from home so all communication is through the online chat feature our job provides and through text message and phone calls. She is an absolute sweetheart and a proud mama. She has 3 little girls and just found out 1.5 months ago that she was pregnant. 2 days ago she told me she just found out she was miscarrying. She was a mess and they told her to sign off. We have spoken somewhat over the 2 days but I don't want to push, just let her know I'm here. I just found out she is leaving her new position and coming back to our team...this worries me that she is really in bad shape. Please send prayers and any advice on how to support he would be welcome.

fireproof posted 2/22/2014 08:48 AM

I would send her a handwritten note that you are thinking of her and you are there if she needs you.

Then I would check in with her or invite her to lunch casually - everyone experiences change or traumatic events differently.

If she isn't ready she won't go but when she is ready she knows you are there.

I think it is hard enough to go through things I know I would want people to treat me normally so I can get back to normal.

You are sweet to think of her. A very simple note no details just thinking of you. If you need anything I am here.

TattoodChinaDoll posted 2/22/2014 10:40 AM

Both my miscarriages happened after I had my three girls. So I bet she probably feels some of these things:
*She knows what it's like to be a mother and the intense emotions you feel for your child. She was probably already experiencing them for this one.
*She might be being told to just be thankful for what she has and that some people don't even have that. Well, she isn't some people, she is her. And this hurts her. Of course she is thankful for her children. That doesn't mean this baby didn't matter.
*People will tell her it's meant to be. And she will think, "it's meant to be that I hurt?!?!? It's meant to be that MY baby should die while crackheads get pregnant over and over with babies they don't want?!??"

Definitely let her know how much it sucks. That her baby meant something. That it's ok to feel sad!!! Just because it is natural doesn't make it easier. Tell her you are there. I wouldn't say it everyday. But I would make it a point to say it again in a week. And again in another.

jrc1963 posted 2/22/2014 13:37 PM

Prayers for your friend...

Listen to TCD... She makes some good points.

I would just be there for your friend... let her tell you whatever she needs to tell you.

Maybe she feels as if her new position was too much pressure and maybe caused the miscarriage?? Who knows... You just have to trust that she's doing what right for her and her family.

Strength to you too Unagie... I know what pains my friends, pains me too...

MovingUpward posted 2/22/2014 13:54 PM

Sending prayers

Unagie posted 2/22/2014 15:28 PM

Thanks all of you. I did let her know I was here and if she needed anything to reach out. She said thank you. I'm going to let it be at that for now and give her space. She knows I am here if she needs me.

tushnurse posted 2/22/2014 17:06 PM

Hugs and prayers. I can't imagine how sad that must be. Our society tends to blow off miscarriages. I guess because it's easier than dealing with the real pain.

I like the note, and taking her for lunch a perhaps a fun afternoon of not thinking about it.

(((and strength)))