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case conference coming up

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notmychoice posted 2/22/2014 09:29 AM

It's coming this week and I am already having trouble breathing. Stbx has already shown his true colors and he is out for blood. In his statement they are wanting to get out of spousal due to the fact that I am not trying to improve myself financially. I should be going back to school to get more pay. I am the kids only parent! he has not seen them for almost a year! I do everything for them. He also says he has applied for a new position and will make 25,000. less a year. He already lowered his income in the last year so I kind of figured this would be the next thing he would do. I knew he was all about keeping his money. He can't stand the fact that I even get child support never mind trying to get spousal. I am trying to keep myself calm but I am on the verge of crying as I type this. He infuriates me! but I am also scared :(

nekorb posted 2/22/2014 09:35 AM

Haven't been through it myself so no advice.

Remember this is why you pay your attorney. To think about these things so you don't have to.


Chrysalis123 posted 2/22/2014 09:54 AM

First, breathe.........

Second, he can say anything he wants. You will learn a lot more about him by watching how he handles this and how much contempt and venom he spews toward you and HIS kids.

NPD-x told my lawyer I was underemployed because I only work 190 days per year.....I am a teacher for heavens sake. I have all these 1 week breaks through out the year, and a 7 week break in the summer. During my 190 days, i usually work 10 hour days. Complete Rubbish from him and his bully lawyer.

So, he has shown you he is going to spew crap and go for the jugular. Let you lawyer know all the details...ALL.

How long were you married?

notmychoice posted 2/22/2014 16:34 PM

We have been married 21 years. For the most part it was a good marriage, the last 5 were great, and then he screwed up, I found out and he freaked out.

Skan posted 2/22/2014 20:26 PM

21 years? Most states define a long-term marriage, which is worthy of spousal support, as 10 years. Definitely talk to your lawyer. And remember, the first volley fired is going to be BIG. Shooting for the moon. They can ask for any damned thing they want to, and so can you. Fire back that you want spousal support for life or until re-marriage, that you want him to pay for all child care so you can go to college, and pay your college tuition. All completely over the top, but that's what a negotiation is asking for the moon and settling for something less. Your lawyer should be able to tell you what you can realistically expect, so listen to him, and when your STBX yammers about what he is going after, yawn.

tesla posted 2/23/2014 08:01 AM


That piece of shit can cry and moan about whatever the fuck he wants. You make sure that you have your position with your L outlined.

What I did was figured out how a judge would rule on our case regarding things that were important to me (your lawyer ought to know how judges typically rule in your area)...then you ask for more so that you have an opportunity to negotiate.

Deep breath. You got this.

sleepless34 posted 2/23/2014 12:24 PM

Hi, Notmychoice-
I have a meeting this week too and I was so stressed about it...was freaking out.

I met with my L to prep for it (cha-ching) but I feel so much better. It is just a game with the lawyers. They are trying to get as much as they can, you are trying to get as much as you can. His L doesn't give a shit about either of you, just doing his job. It is only a negotiation, be strong.

Take a xanax if you can get your hands on one. You need to just sit there, don't say anything and externally look calm even if you are freaking out inside. Calm like a still lake, even if you are raging inside.

I went to the courtroom and sat in on a case with my judge once, so that I would know what to expect and not be nervous when it was my turn. Maybe that would help if you have time??

notmychoice posted 2/23/2014 13:34 PM

Thanks for the advice. My plan is to be as calm as possible in hopes that my STBX will be the one to lose his shit. He is a hot head so it doesn't take much. I am going thru papers today to make sure I am bringing what I am supposed to and it is bringing back a lot of emotions. STBX I'm sure will have all his ducks in a row but regardless what happens I will be the winner. If he pays less, I still have the kids in my life, if he pays more, I will still have the kids in my life. I have great friends and a supportive family and he does not. I have to stop focussing on the money part and not worry so much. We will be ok. I will keep repeating this until I believe it Good luck with your meeting sleepless.

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