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Newest Member: Ashley2000 (61792)

User Topic: BS needs WS advice
♂ 42447
Member # 42447
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, February 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all
I am four months out from d-day. My story is that 2 years ago my wife and I seemed to get into that busy, routine lifestyle. We were together but just going through the motions. Neither of us were great at communicating and saying what we wanted so we just continued on. During that time she had an affair with an ex.
Anyways, over these last four months I've done a lot of talking. I've realized how important my wife is and am on overdrive trying to show her how much I love her. I have gone to counselling, we started couples counselling and she had her first individual session yesterday.
Over this time, we have not been able to keep our hands off of each other. Not sure if it is both realizing how much we love each other or making up for lost time or guilt.
Anyways she just recently told me that she is finally starting to deal with her own issues and we finally talked about how we were as a couple prior and during the affair. It was good, real and made sense. However, now she says she is not emotionally able to be with me physically. She wants to hold hands, cuddle, kiss, etc but not the act. To me this feels like a rejection but I do understand how the mind is a powerful tool and can definitely impact the mood.
Now I am worried that I know what I want, understand how I was not a great husband during those 2 years (out of 10 together) but am more committed than ever but is she going the other direction? I want to show her all the time that I love her and I know that has to stop as it is overwhelming. My gut is empty and I just feel uncomfortable all the time.
Did anyone else go through something like this? How did you handle it?
She says she wants a future with me but needs to work on her. She did mention some time apart and that almost killed me. We decided to give that decision a bit more time as she has just started really talking and needs more time before a decision like that is made. I'll give her that but am really scared to death.

Posts: 28 | Registered: Feb 2014
♀ 39000
Member # 39000
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, February 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When the moderators see this, they'll ask you to post your question in the I Can Relate Forum, on the topic "BS questions for WS" because only Waywards are allowed to start threads here.

Do that and you'll get some responses, including from me :)

fWW: 42
BH: 52
DDay: April 21, 2013
Sweet DS & fierce DD, under 10
Former motto: "Fake it till ya make it." Now: "You can't win if you don't play."

Posts: 1523 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: The First Coast
♀ 42294
Member # 42294
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, February 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This isnt exactly an answer to you question but I observed something. Im a bs also (i hope you dont mind)...but I notice you are blaming yourself for "not being a great husband those 2 years" If thats true or not, its still not a reason to cheat. The blame is not yours its hers. You said you both were not great at communicating and saying what you wanted but you didnt step outside the relationship right? So neither should she. Im no trying to speak down on her because trust me, my ws is no peach! I have let him place blame on me too. Just want you to know you dont deserve that.

Also, you said you are trying overdrive to show her how much you love her...does she do the same for you?

Though she obviously has some issues, you are the victim of her actions...she should be consoling you.

Posts: 272 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Where theres lots of southern HOEspitality
Deeply Scared
♀ 2
Member # 2
Red  Posted: 2:25 PM, February 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


PLease read the forum description. BS's are not to start threads in here.

You may repost in the ICR forum under the BS Questions for WS's thread.

"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.

Posts: 210060 | Registered: May 2002
Topic Posts: 4

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