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iAmAMess0809 posted 2/22/2014 19:34 PM

I just read some text messages between my SIL and my BW. In those, my SIL had stated she doesn't really think of me as her brother anymore, and when my BW asks what she feels about me, she just says she tried not to think of me.

This isn't anything I didn't already know...it just confirmed what I already had thought.

I feel very defeated about my relationship with her. She lives far. So I don't see her much, and don't really have opportunities to really improve things. It is just 4 months out since the whole truth came out, so maybe someday...but I doubt it.

grains posted 2/22/2014 23:19 PM

I am sorry that you are feeling bad about your relationship with your SIL. I know how difficult it is not to be accepted. For myself, I needed approval and would forget about boundaries just to get it. I now realize that we do not control people's feelings. We can only recognize and respect them. I also realized that in order to do this we have to be honest with ourselves and maintain our dignity and self-respect. Keep your faith in your good self. Please live your good self. People who have empathy will recognize this about you.

HotMessInTX posted 2/23/2014 07:59 AM

That is tough, I'm sorry you're going through that. I worry about this too. My BH has told a close friend of his as well as my FIL. I know he needed someone to talk to and knew his father would be a good sounding board for him. I worry now about my relationship with my in-laws. They will forever see me in a different light. I can't undo that. It saddens me to see the destruction I've caused and this is just another example of the fallout.

iAmAMess0809 posted 2/23/2014 08:32 AM

My BW and I are thinking about telling her parents. I am scared to death of the changes that will bring. We see them frequently because they love just 2 blocks away. We rent from them. Her dad will likely freeze me out and only speak to me when necessary. Her mom...I have no idea. She never got to know her father because he cheated on her mom, and her mom wouldn't let her see him. I have no idea what to expect. Will they support us? What complications will it add? I don't know.

I know I won't feel welcome. I know I will want to avoid having to see them. I know they will never respect me again like they do today. I feel confident that I can reconcile with my wife. With her family? I just don't know.

It is depressing to think that if and when I confess to them, the only place I can go where I am respected will be work. But I did this to myself, so can I really complain?