I'm always confused about when I can and can't post on WS site, but I'll try. I'm a BS. Just found out on 1/1/14.
I like what the previous post said. He's right. When I'm looking through my husband's things, it's because I'm hurting and afraid. I'm afraid that I'll once again be stupid and not see the obvious.
Sometimes I look because I have the need to do something--anything--about the situation, so I search. I don't like searching, but it's like picking at a scab. I look forward to the day I'm not consumed by the betrayals and do not think about searching. But the problem is that I went a decade without ever even thinking about searching because I trusted him completely. Now I feel foolish that he was betraying me right and left and I had no idea.
When she searches, don't show impatience, anger, exasperation, or self-pity when she does. Be patient with her and apologize for the hurt you are putting her through. Even though she may not seem to want to hear it, she does want you to tell her how special she is and how much you want the marriage to work out. Good luck.