So then nobody but me thinks that it's disrespectful for one's unfaithful husband to be openly ogling women while out with his wife?
I believe it's disrespectful and hurtful.
a history of porn, strippers and hookers.
That certainly helps put this double/triple take behavior in perspective, especially when women have been viewed as objects and/or business transactions.
While you should most certainly enjoy your time there, taking in the scenery (you can only control you)
I'd call him out on the disrespectful behavior. Whether he is consciously aware of his behavior or not, it's been pointed out that there is beautiful scenery (not women)... that HE could be taking in. If he is there with YOU, he should be there with YOU with his eyes as well.
You deserve to enjoy this vacation. If that behavior is casting a cloud over your enjoyment, it is appropriate to voice the discomfort it causes. Let him him know that it does not go unnoticed and allow him to assume responsibility for his wandering eyes.
I'm not in R, but I have to believe that working on R means communication about these things. I don't know if he meant to do a double take or not, but he should be told that he did it and how it made you feel. If you are this upset - and I would be too - over this, then you're just doing your own version of rug sweeping if you let it slide and not voice your concerns and your pain over it.
me (WW/BS): 48
4 kiddos in mid 20's
“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”
Walk a Mile In My Shoes
Married 14 yrs. Now Separated & in NC
2 grown DD's - his from previous M
4 grown kids (2DS, 2DD) mine from previous M
I'd certainly say something to him about it. At least when we were back in the room alone.
He has been the model of R.
You may be in a beautiful setting, but that does not give license for hurtful and disrespectful behavior.
To look is one thing, but to ogle... That's rude
He needs to know.
There is one train of thought that suggests people tell their spouses when they find someone else attractive. That de-mystifies the attraction, and makes it less secretive/deceptive/worrisome. I know sometimes now I will just flat-out ask my WH if I suspect he thinks another woman is attractive...and I usually do feel better if we talk about it. But he's not much of a "looker," so it happens rarely.
If it happened a lot, I think I would feel very unsafe, and I would absolutely expect my husband to address his behavior accordingly. But again, he can only do that if you tell him it's an issue for you. Try not to expect him to read your mind, then get upset when he doesn't. As you mentioned, he might not even be aware he's doing it.
Gently....I noticed the ongoing strippers, prostitutes, etc in your sig line. Is there a chance your WH is a sex addict? Because from what I've read around the forums, double and triple checking women is not only very common in SA's--it's also a slippery slope behavior that indicates the addiction is probably ongoing. Your WH might not have that issue, but a history deep in depersonalizing sex via paid, unemotional sex is often a flag that warrants further investigation. There may be a thread about SA in the I Can Relate forum that's worth your time.