So I made more money than my WH. I earned a PhD while married to him and took out maximum student loans because he was unemployed/under employed while I was in graduate school. The student loan that remains is big ($89,500). In addition, we have some consumer loan bills and we will have some debt for preparing the house for sale (that I have to do all by myself because he just walked out).
I have been trying to be nice (perhaps in a stupid attempt to have him realize what an ass he is being and how good he had it with me) and to keep a relationship with him for the sake of my DDs (17 & 15). I want him to be sure to give DDs $ through college and also to keep them on his insurance through 26 or marriage as the law allows.
Kansas, where I live, is a no fault state with the rule of both spouses own everything from the marriage equally. If I follow this, he owes over $53,000, as will I. Then there is the problem that only I have a retirement account (he never thought it was necessary to set one up - nor did he think he should purchase life insurance or anything like that). So, splitting it all up, he would get something like $26,000 and so would I. BUT if he took it out, he'd have to pay taxes on it, and mine would stay in the account.
He blew a gasket when I first said the splitting everything and it was ugly - that was when he told me no CS after 18 and he didn't want to pay for health insurance anymore for them "because he might want to put another family on it someday" (WTF???).
So, do I play hardball and just go by the letter of the law and pray that he'll do the right thing by the DDs? Or do I give him some sort of break to foster good will so he'll do the right thing? He has benefitted from my PhD over the last 7+ years and continues to benefit because he only has to pay about 40% of the total cost of CS for teenagers according to the state formula (leaving me with the rest). AND I am only asking him to pay 1/3 of the mortgage while we try to sell the house.
What do I do?? What did you do?? What were the aspects of your situation that led you to your decision? Am I missing something important that I should consider?