I have been trying to be nice (perhaps in a stupid attempt to have him realize what an ass he is being and how good he had it with me) and to keep a relationship with him for the sake of my DDs (17 & 15). I want him to be sure to give DDs $ through college and also to keep them on his insurance through 26 or marriage as the law allows.
Kansas, where I live, is a no fault state with the rule of both spouses own everything from the marriage equally. If I follow this, he owes over $53,000, as will I. Then there is the problem that only I have a retirement account (he never thought it was necessary to set one up - nor did he think he should purchase life insurance or anything like that). So, splitting it all up, he would get something like $26,000 and so would I. BUT if he took it out, he'd have to pay taxes on it, and mine would stay in the account.
He blew a gasket when I first said the splitting everything and it was ugly - that was when he told me no CS after 18 and he didn't want to pay for health insurance anymore for them "because he might want to put another family on it someday" (WTF???).
So, do I play hardball and just go by the letter of the law and pray that he'll do the right thing by the DDs? Or do I give him some sort of break to foster good will so he'll do the right thing? He has benefitted from my PhD over the last 7+ years and continues to benefit because he only has to pay about 40% of the total cost of CS for teenagers according to the state formula (leaving me with the rest). AND I am only asking him to pay 1/3 of the mortgage while we try to sell the house.
What do I do?? What did you do?? What were the aspects of your situation that led you to your decision? Am I missing something important that I should consider?
Sounds like he still has that entitled attitude and being nice to him isn't going to stop him wanting what he wants, reasonable or not. He wants/has to blame you for all this, otherwise it becomes his fault. No matter what settlement you reach,he is likely to resent you because his standard of living will go down...so then he's going to want to spite you, regardless.
So you need to make the best business deal you can in this moment and don't assume any help from him in the future. I mean what if he loses his job like Tesla's? They could lose being on his insurance then. The one thing you need to remember: You cannot rely on an unremorseful wayward for anything.
[This message edited by Softcentre at 2:24 AM, February 23rd, 2014 (Sunday)]
Took a while, but I like the me I am, without him.
"Until God opens the next do
Clearly he is all about him. So look out for you and your kids.
In my state, whoever carries the children on insurance gets certain credits when CS is calculated. As children can be carried on insurance until 26, I'm sure there is a way to write it in the proposal that he has some sort of financial obligation for this...check with your lawyer.
I have only rarely seen playing nice with the WS work out on this board.
Get it in writing, get it signed, get it in front of a judge.
And if he won't agree without major (unnecessary) concessions on your part, then let the judge make the decisions. For you and for your daughters.
You got this.
Letter of the law and NO breaks. None. Stop worrying about what he thinks of you hon and how he feels about the process. All that matters is the best result for you and your DDs.
As several others have said to me "D is a business decision".
Not sure if I really understand your calculations, but he should be able to roll over his share of your retirement account into a qualifying plan and not pay taxes