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How did my life end up like this

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Brokenhearted88 posted 2/23/2014 04:06 AM

3 weeks ago on Monday morning I felt like my life was back on track. 2014 was going to be our year. In 2012 for four months my partner was working away while I was on maternity leave as there was no work at home. He cheated and I suspected but I never had proof. In 2013 I found an email which gave me a little proof so he confessed to what I though was the whole truth. He kissed three people.

A couple if weeks ago his phone rang and it was a woman stating she was the mother of his one year old. Meaning when he confessed to kissing he actually had a one night stand.

I'm devastated! I feel like the past 2 years of my life are a lie. My daughter was seven months old when I was looking after her he was out meeting other women!! Before he left I thought we were as close as we could get. Now I feel like I don't know him at all.

How did I get here?


strangeasfiction posted 2/23/2014 06:01 AM

Brokenhearted - I'm so sorry you are going through this. Please know that you did not put yourself in this situation. This isn't your fault. It's the fault of your wayward partner who intentionally betrayed and deceived you.

I'm not the best person to give you advice as to where to go from here. All I can say is to take care of yourself and your daughter. Read up in the Healing Library; click in the yellow box at the top left of the page.

Sending you peace and strength, Brokenhearted. Hang in there.

Jacobswife posted 2/23/2014 16:43 PM

Brokenhearted- I wonder the same thing! How did this happen to me? I birthed his children, did his laundry, cooked his meals, studied hard and am educated yet my WH did not respect me enough to talk with me. Instead he found a girlfriend. I too am broke hearted. Together we can figure out how to deal with this! Thinking of you!

MadeOfScars posted 2/23/2014 16:59 PM

Please know that you did not put yourself in this situation. This isn't your fault. It's the fault of your wayward partner who intentionally betrayed and deceived you.

The worst thing you can do is blame yourself, but I know it can be difficult not too. Sounds so simple and all, but its a hard lesson to really, truly accept. You are responsible for 50% of the marriage, but infidelity is 100% on the betrayer.

I don't know how I ended up here after nearly 12 years of love, dedication, and sacrifice. What I am still coming to terms here is that I conducted myself with honor and integrity, I am better than her, and I will come out of this the "winner" when all is said and done. You gotta believe in the same for you wherever your journey takes you. You are worthy of love and dedication.

You may never know how you ended up here. The answers may never come, or they never make sense. Focus on you, and know this is not your fault. May peace and strength be with you.

[This message edited by SoulHurts at 5:00 PM, February 23rd (Sunday)]

Brokenhearted88 posted 2/25/2014 05:41 AM

Thank you for the replies.

I feel like I gave him my all and he just through it in my face. In the middle of the four month period after the ONS but before kissing two other women he phoned me late one night telling me I was all he ever wanted and couldn't wait to spend the rest of his life with me. Now I'm supposed to believe him when he tells me he was doubting us when he was cheating.....I DONT THINK SO!!

I don't know how the WS can come home and look us BS in the eyes and not feel absolutely destroyed with guilt.

I am a nice person, I'm well educated, I work hard, do what I can for family and friends so why in return for everything I've done for him he repays me with all this!

I can't look at my daughter without wanting to cry because one day I'm going to have to tell her what he's done because she has a sister!! Who has unprotected sex with a ONS!!!!

He doesn't deserve me!

Thanks for reading xx

self-rescuer posted 2/25/2014 06:04 AM

Very gently - you need to know there is more to his stories. The percentage of us who were subjected to trickle truth is staggering. That there is an OC is a huge marker of things being more than he's admitted to.

This being said, you must focus on self care. Try to eat. Drink water all day long. Do your best to get whatever rest you can.

It is called a roller coaster for a proven reason.

You must brace yourself. But you must also know that you will get through this.

Keep reading and posting. There are many on these boards who understand and care. It is a long journey but know that you can count on the folks here to guide you through.

Skan posted 2/25/2014 14:20 PM

I notice that you say that he is your partner. If he is not your WH, please see a lawyer and ask about filing for child support immediately get your daughter first in line for support. I'd do it even if you're married get a lawyer's advice. You do not want your daughter to be 2nd in line for support, when there is less money because he's paying for his OC first. Get YOUR daughter's rights established first. Even if the OW says that she wants no part of him or support. Because, well she's a liar, he's a liar, and that, you have proof of. (((hugs)))

Brokenhearted88 posted 2/25/2014 16:02 PM

Thanks for your advice everyone.

We were due to get married in May this year. We have been engaged since August 2012. Thankfully the rules for child support here are that the father has to pay equal amounts to the children no matter who files first as the day after I recieved the phone call from the other woman a child maintence order came through the door.

I feel like my world has just shattered and don't know how to get through this.

How could someone do this to someone?

The other woman is a B****h! She seems quite happy with the fact that they have both hurt me. She feels like she is owed something when really she brought this on herself!

I hate them both at the moment. Xx

nekorb posted 2/25/2014 21:34 PM

I'm so sorry. What a horrible thing to have happen.


I agree you need to contact your L right way.

Brokenhearted88 posted 2/26/2014 16:41 PM

I just don't understand why. Why wasn't i enough? Why was he filling my head with a future he knew I couldn't have? How can he say he was doubting us but at the time he was asking what kind of ring would I like if we were to get married? How can he say he never stopped loving me but destroy everything I thought we had? How could he put me in this position? My life just feels like a lie!

ZedLeppelin posted 2/26/2014 20:49 PM

Make sure that you are 100% certain that your partner is the biological father. Demand a DNA test. She could be scamming you.

Consult a lawyer and see what options you have regardless of whether you intend to R or D.

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