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idontknow posted 2/23/2014 17:18 PM

Oh my hands are shaking. Even Ws noticed. Found more emails with her girlfriend. No doubt there's another man and they've talked of meeting up next weekend.

Was able to forward some emails. I have a first initial as a name. Sounds like they've been an item for a while. "that's how we communicate " Ws said in relation to something.

Can't confront tonight. Maybe tomorrow. Please send good thoughts or advice

mainlyinpain posted 2/23/2014 17:26 PM

So sorry IDK!

Keep it together, keep it together, you are doing great.

Sending hugs and strength.

Take2 posted 2/23/2014 17:40 PM

Hold it together and do not confront until you are sure you have your proof backed up and secured!

Sorry, I know this is hard - but it will save your sanity later when the b/s begins. Deep breath - vent here!

frankier posted 2/23/2014 17:50 PM

IDK - Please make sure you go and read the replies to your earlier post.

I know this is difficult, but this additional piece of information you just shared does not really add anything more to what you already knew. The initial material was already enough to reach the same conclusion.

Just try to keep your cool and when it is time to confront her, do not give her any way out, or the chance to manipulate you any further.

Good luck to you!

[This message edited by frankier at 6:05 PM, February 23rd (Sunday)]

ZedLeppelin posted 2/23/2014 19:53 PM

Pretend you are sick and go see a lawyer.

norabird posted 2/23/2014 21:08 PM

(((((IDK)))))

I'm sorry. But frankier is right. This is additional confirmation of something that did not need any further proof to be plain as day.

It sucks that this is who your WW is. But she is showing you who she is. Believe her. You have to snap out of denying what's happening, wishing it were different, and take ZedLeppelin's advice about going to see a lawyer.

Right now may not be the time for you to be open to hearing this but it is a GIFT to have clarity and the impetus to end the relationship. That's the only way your life can open up to new, better relationships and a healthier way of being. The path away from her is a path that is going to be good for you. Painful, yes--but you will come out on the other side. You will make it.

annb posted 2/23/2014 21:18 PM

I'm so sorry,idontknow, I just read your profile, I don't think your wife will ever change...she has been lying and cheating for years, and all that "innocent" bullsh*t is just that...bullsh*t.

It pains me to know that you are having to deal with this all over again and again....you know what you have to do.

Hugs.

Badhurt posted 2/23/2014 22:35 PM

Everyone is supporting you but we are all waiting for you to "put your foot down" and stop trying to make any sense out of this situation. She is planning on meeting and banging another man this week end, with the help of her friend as cover. Are you going to just let her go off and do this. You can't change what is going to happen but you CAN change your response. You are being abused by her behavior. Confront her now. She does not deserve a right time. And while you r at it exposť her friend also

idontknow posted 2/24/2014 06:58 AM

I realize that I already had enough evidence but this was a little more concrete for me insofar as she referred specifically to him, she specifically mentioned to him the possibility of visiting the city she is going to etc. She even said that she may have told him about this in order to get him worked up about and then deny it when it comes down to it. Clearly she likes to play with people. Then her girlfriend said she likes how WS plays with him - and WS said that is how we communicate.

To me this is much stronger evidence.

And don't worry - I have a copy of the email now.

I have something at work today I can't avoid but plan to confront tonight.

any tips would help.

k9lover1 posted 2/24/2014 07:23 AM

How much more are you going to tolerate? The last time she cheated, did you set boundaries and consequences for if this happened again? Are you going to follow through with them?

She is a habitual cheater - lose her.

idontknow posted 2/24/2014 07:26 AM

The last time she cheated she was great with R. Solid boundaries, full access to email, always letting me know where she was etc.

My mind is telling me that I should end this for good. My heart feels otherwise. I do love her.

Justgreatnews posted 2/24/2014 07:28 AM

As far as tips, I can only tell you what's been my experience. No beating around the bush. Lay out what you have in the strongest and most damning way possible, and portray the situation as though you know all, and will not tolerate any sidestepping or lying.

You have the floor, and you want answers, etc. "I want to hear the truth from you, and right now". Emphasize the gravity of the situation.

k9lover1 posted 2/24/2014 07:44 AM

The last time, did you discuss what would happen if she crossed the boundaries or did the boundaries expire after a period of time.

Your past behavior shows her that you will put up with this crap and it is crap.

mainlyinpain posted 2/24/2014 10:37 AM

IDK, do you really love her? Or do you love the person you thought she was? This is hard, so hard. Because she has hidden from you who she really was. So the person you thought you loved is gone. Gone. You are now starting with an entirely new person that you don't know. See if that person is someone you would have been interested in, some one you would want to risk your heart with. Take it from me, I kept loving the person who he was, then the person he told me he would be, and none of them are here today.
Also, for you kids, you want to be a whole happy person to be able to parent them.

(((IDK))) and strength

RealityStinks posted 2/24/2014 11:31 AM

She even said that she may have told him about this in order to get him worked up about and then deny it when it comes down to it.

^^^^ Bullshit. Do you really believe that? That screams "covering her tracks" to me. I'm sorry buddy, but she was going to see it all the way through.

The last time she cheated she was great with R. Solid boundaries, full access to email, always letting me know where she was etc.

^^^ I think you've been living with a false sense of R for a long time. It sounds like she's still very much interested in other men. Maybe there was a time when she wasn't, but she certainly is now.

You have two options:
1. You D and give yourself a chance to be happy again.
2. You stay M to her and deal with her infidelity and cake eating until she leaves you for one of her OM.

Hang in there buddy.

norabird posted 2/24/2014 11:41 AM

It's frustrating how our hearts don't let go even when it would be better for us. Your feelings will take time to catch up. But otherwise, if you just keep on clinging to how much you love her (when she is not earning it or worth you), you are going to keep getting hurt. At some point you have to say enough is enough no matter how much you love someone. You have to love yourself more, KWIM?

There are other women out there who deserve your love and will reciprocate it.

NeverAgain2013 posted 2/24/2014 12:13 PM

Well, as K9 said, surely the last time you caught her cheating, you must have set some serious boundaries and more than likely told her if she did it again, that would be the end.

Right?

I mean, surely on your last D-Day, you didn't simply tell her, "if I catch you cheating again in the future, I'll just forgive you again like I'm doing right now, but I hope you don't do it again."

Whatever line you drew in the sand the last time you caught her is going to HAVE to be met now that she's doing this again. Otherwise, you just come off looking weak and needy and desperate - and a complete push-over. Women don't respect that type of wimpy behavior.

Stand up for yourself, OP. No one else is going to FOR you.

idontknow posted 2/24/2014 12:15 PM

I have always made it very clear that if it happened again then we're done. And she acknowledged that.

k9lover1 posted 2/24/2014 12:26 PM

I have always made it very clear that if it happened again then we're done. And she acknowledged that.

If that's the case, then your path is clear. However, it is your life and you are the one that has to live it.

There is a third possible scenario - she will eventually be old and gray and her interest in other men will wane. Can you learn to live with the cheating until she gets too old to care?

Jduff posted 2/24/2014 23:18 PM

I have always made it very clear that if it happened again then we're done. And she acknowledged that.

Now you have to put action behind those words. File for the D. Have her served. You show her you have a pair of very big balls and you laid down the law.

What will be interesting is the time between your filing and the D being official. Will reality slap her hard and wake her? Will she realize you really aren't a push-over? Will she be remorseful? Will she change her ways and prove it?

You can always D, then get back together again. It will be under your terms at that point. But then your heart may likely tell you otherwise, like she isn't worth another chance.


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