It took me 3 tries to find a good marriage counselor/therapist. The 1st MC was nice , but I felt she was inexperienced. The 2nd MC was awful (did not believe there was any infidelity and went straight to dispensing tips on how to affair proof a marriage). She felt that my gut feeling was a figment of my imagination and the the pubic crabs that I contracted was really some sort of a rash.
I tried to tell the 2nd MC that I am not a suspicious spouse at all. In the 1st 20 years since I have known my WW, I have not even once questioned her fidelity.
Third time was a charm. The 3rd counselor was really experienced about infidelity, sex addiction, etc. I went to her for IC and had several sessions. Initially, she had asked me about couples counseling. I told her that would likely be a waste of time (since my WW felt I would be dragging her to the sessions).
MC #3 told me that I was in a tough place - limbo land (because I had no concrete proof of my WW infidelity, yet my gut and other signs were screaming otherwise). After a couple sessions, she thought it may be a good idea to "drag" my WW to couples counseling. She referred me to another very experienced therapist (because she felt it would not be fair to my WW if she was the MC for us both). She told me I could continue the IC if necessary.
Long story short - WW and I went to this therapist and he recommended that both of us take a fidelity polygraph. WW agreed to it. Initially, WW would not agree to fidelity polygraph (back in August 2013 when I confronted her). WW told me that even if she passed the polygraph, that I would still "pester" her until no end.
WW asked me how would I feel if she asked me to undergo a polygraph. I told her that I would do everything possible to prove to her that I was faithful. I got nothing to hide.
MC#4 told us that we have to come to an agreement about the polygraph. If WW passes test (shows no signs of deception), then I must agree to...something like put away the accusations, apologize, etc... I have yet to figure out what to agree upon.
But, even if WW passes (and has been faithful), something went wrong in the marriage. Lack of communication, power struggle, lack of trust,etc.
I'd like to know what others experience have been with fidelity polygraphs. How accurate are they? Are polygraphs a pseudo-science? How can the polygrapher reliably distinguish anxiety from deception?
Has anyone had a spouse taken and failed the polygraph and still claim innocence? What about false positive tests?