please read my profile and last few posts for my current situation.
I am planning to confront tonight. Any advice or tips would be appreciated.
Thanks sooooo much for all the support. you are all great.
So do you want:
a) to continue in this marriage of lather, rinse, repeat affairs and Ddays.
or b). to risk the unknown world of being single.
Not trying to be harsh, but I think those are your options. They suck. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior... this has been going on for a decade.
If you want a: confront. If you choose b: detach, file, and have her served.
Wishing you strength!
is that a bad way to look at it?
Go into this planning for *you*.
This is what I need to continue the M: (ask for the moon because she will give the minimum amount)
This is how I want the D to proceed: (this will be business, not emotion)
If she denies then I...
If she cries then I...
If she accuses me then I...
Mentally go through whatever scenarios you can think of and try to decide how you want to react. Focus on whatever your bottom line is, as she will do her best to distract you; nobody likes facing their ugliest reflections.
As for confronting her to make her feel bad, well that could backfire, because she might not even feel bad. She could turn it right around on you for even reading her emails.
The power you have right now is information that she is lying to you again and is planning on meeting some OM this weekend at a hotel.
The hardest thing for you now is your decision on trying to stay married or be done with it.
If stay married, than it is time your wife admits she has a problem and gets it fixed. Just saying, gee I am sorry and I have a problem is not admitting it, it is just telling you what you want to hear.
This has to be the end of the game playing.
You also need to be prepared tonight for her lies and her denials and her Oscar winning performance with the How dare you look at my emails.
Be prepared for the lies. She will probably say something like it was only a game, I was going to pay him back, get him there and then say forget it.
None of that matters and keep that in mind throughout all of this. Tell her what matters is she is talking to other guys again, making plans, talking about sex and actually meeting them.
ALL of those things = affair.
It doesnt matter if it was a game or not...totally irrelevant.
Stand your ground and do not let her sway you. If she wants to stay together, you should now tonight.
With the usual stuff like she gives you all her passwords. The OM full name and address and where he works. You read all of her emails in front of her. She shows them to you.
You have been through the false R before, you have heard it all before. Stand your ground and just be no nonsense and calm with her. Which is going to be the hardest part.
Depending on what happens, you might even consider telling her friends husband what his wife is really planning this weekend.
I'm sorry, but there is just no way around this. It is a fact. You are not going to get remorse. You have to stop expecting any breakthrough or sudden respect or love from her. It is not going to happen. And if it did? It would be all manipulation, not genuine.
Harsh, but true.
Please protect yourself. And do whatever you can to be calm. The only way I can communicate effectively with my SAWH is to stay calm. Sure, flashes of anger and hurt come through (and may be helpful), but the key is to be level-headed. Good luck!
As the others have said, this is pattern behavior for her and even if she DID 'feel bad' the way you want her to feel, that STILL won't have an affect on her need to cheat over and over again down the road.
I hate to say it, but after a while you're no longer her victim. You're her volunteer.
I wish you the strength to do what needs to be done in order to live an emotionally and psychologically healthier lifestyle.
Brother, I say this with a heavy heart. You are married to a monstrous woman and you should flee. I believe in the power of reconciliation, and wish so badly all Betrayed Spouses who have granted forgiveness could be rewarded for their selflessness with a lifetime of gratitude and absolute devotion from their Wayward spouses.
You have had to endure so much suffering as a husband at the hands of Wayward women. You have shown so much undeserved grace to your wife. But she truly appears hellbent on self-destruction, and no man, no matter how patient and loving, can ultimately save such a woman from the fate that awaits her.
Run. Get away from this woman. Grieve the lost time, but do not let an evil, sick woman convince you that you do not deserve better. You do, and better is out there, whether in the form of a truly loving woman who finds joy in knowing and loving you, or even in the peace of God, free from the fears and self-doubts that have come from the women you have loved who have so horribly failed you.
You will be in my prayers.
“No, Lord,” she said.
And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”
Please Please get out of the marriage now for your own health and sanity. By letting her get away with this time after time (and that is what she thinks you are doing) you are enabling her in her infidelity.
You know in your heart she is not going to change, so please save yourself so much more heartache and walk NOW. Yes it will hurt, but there will be an end to that hurt, if you stay in the marriage the hurt will just go on and on.
Please be strong
Are you ok?
Thinking of you