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Newest Member: sewardak (50617)

User Topic: Struggling today
♀ 35787
Member # 35787
Default  Posted: 8:14 AM, February 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Today, and lately, although there have been no outward signs that anything is going on, I have been anxious and waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak. Today, to top it off, is one of the OW's birthday, and I am struggling, thinking, wondering, and worrying is WH is going to do stupid. I know in my heart I should be open and talk to him, but I am afraid that even bringing up the conversation will cause a problem. I am tired of the boat rocking, no matter who does it. Due to my job, I have to work a lot of hours this week. I am beyond fearful that he is going to take advantage of that time and try something. Is this just conditioning from all the drama from the past?

Me: 37 and awesome
Him: 42 and not so awesome
OW1: 47 and desperate OW2: 34, freshly divorced, was once my friend OW3: is OW1 who took in WH during seperation.

Posts: 203 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Michigan
♂ 14866
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 8:27 AM, February 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Deep breaths

I think that it is fair to express that you are triggering a bit. Clarify that it isn't because of anything that he is doing and just ask for support. Keeping it bottled in, worrying, and/or seeking out info that the shoe needs to drop is going to be counter productive.


Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.

Posts: 54302 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
Alex CR
♀ 27968
Member # 27968
Default  Posted: 8:33 AM, February 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I found myself waiting for that proverbial shoe to drop as I became more comfortable with I began to feel 'safe' again. I think it was my defense mechanisms reminding me to remember what he is capable of and to protect myself.

Over time as I healed more and became stronger, those feelings lessened and then ceased altogether.

Share with your H how you're feeling.....the two of you together can work it out....IMO, that's part of reconciling.


BS Me 62
WS Him 64
Married 34
Together 41
DD 11/16/09
I can dwell in the negative or seek the road is lonely...the other teeming with life.

Posts: 1828 | Registered: Mar 2010
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 4:15 PM, February 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you sharing that you are having a hard time and are triggering causes a problem, then your WH needs to do more work. You have to get these feelings out. Repressing feelings and triggers just builds up more pressure and pain. (((hugs)))

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 6407 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Topic Posts: 4

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