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befuzzled110 (original poster member #35787) posted at 2:14 PM on Monday, February 24th, 2014
Today, and lately, although there have been no outward signs that anything is going on, I have been anxious and waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak. Today, to top it off, is one of the OW's birthday, and I am struggling, thinking, wondering, and worrying is WH is going to do stupid. I know in my heart I should be open and talk to him, but I am afraid that even bringing up the conversation will cause a problem. I am tired of the boat rocking, no matter who does it. Due to my job, I have to work a lot of hours this week. I am beyond fearful that he is going to take advantage of that time and try something. Is this just conditioning from all the drama from the past?
Me: 37 and awesome
Him: 42 and not so awesome
OW1: 47 and desperate OW2: 34, freshly divorced, was once my friend OW3: is OW1 who took in WH during seperation.
MovingUpward ( member #14866) posted at 2:27 PM on Monday, February 24th, 2014
Deep breaths
I think that it is fair to express that you are triggering a bit. Clarify that it isn't because of anything that he is doing and just ask for support. Keeping it bottled in, worrying, and/or seeking out info that the shoe needs to drop is going to be counter productive.
Alex CR ( member #27968) posted at 2:33 PM on Monday, February 24th, 2014
I found myself waiting for that proverbial shoe to drop as I became more comfortable with H.....as I began to feel 'safe' again. I think it was my defense mechanisms reminding me to remember what he is capable of and to protect myself.
Over time as I healed more and became stronger, those feelings lessened and then ceased altogether.
Share with your H how you're feeling.....the two of you together can work it out....IMO, that's part of reconciling.
(((befuzzled10)))
BS Me 63
WS Him 64
Married 35
Together 41
DD 11/16/09
I can dwell in the negative or seek the positive...one road is lonely...the other teeming with life.
Skan ( member #35812) posted at 10:15 PM on Monday, February 24th, 2014
If you sharing that you are having a hard time and are triggering causes a problem, then your WH needs to do more work. You have to get these feelings out. Repressing feelings and triggers just builds up more pressure and pain. (((hugs)))
Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
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