"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

She11ybeanz posted 2/24/2014 14:01 PM

So, I moved out Saturday.....we have stayed at dad's 2 nights now. Part of me feels some relief...but most of me misses our home....our own space....independence.... I am trying very hard to shake the sadness that is overwhelming me. I had to go over there yesterday and clean up. I still have to go back a couple of times to do a few things and then find out Friday if I get my deposit back....which I should.

My daughter seems to be adapting....its a bit different having 2 floors....she doesn't have free reign of the house with 15 stairs standing in her way of her bedroom and playroom and the downstairs...its one or the other. But, she slept better the 2nd night than the 1st.

I guess I just feel very humbled.... frustrated even. My medical insurance is going up almost $100 next month... and my daycare went up before I even start paying (which is this week) by $23!!! UGH... I'm glad I moved or I would have been really hurting.... but the other part of me feels like a woman my age shouldn't be living with her father.... especially with her child. I just feel like a total loser....

ajsmom posted 2/24/2014 14:07 PM

Think with the end in mind.

This isn't a permanent move. It is a temporary one to relieve yourself of the financial stress you are under. Remember your goals and focus on those.

You will be in much better shape in really a short time so what you can't do is dawdle in the past or go through the "woulda, coulda, shoulda's."

Count your blessings that your dad is always there for you. You will get through this.

Chin up.

AJ's MOM

7yrsflushed posted 2/24/2014 14:11 PM

First of all you are NOT a loser! You made decisions to put yourself and your daughter in a better position. You have a plan so keep working it. You will be fine.

She11ybeanz posted 2/24/2014 15:52 PM

Thank you... Its going to take an adjustment I guess. I'm gonna make myself go for a run after work today...in T-minus 7 minutes! I haven't run in a week and I think it will feel great! (possibly not...but I still need it) I've gotten a tad out of shape since all of this moving crap started!!!!

I.will.survive posted 2/24/2014 16:44 PM

Aww, I'm sorry you're really sad about leaving your other house and moving in with your dad. I get it. I remember crying to my dad on the phone shortly after Dday about selling my home of 10 years, the only one my child knows and he said "don't let a BUILDING get in the way of your happiness."

Truth. You will always have your memories and pictures of good times.

And think of how much Piper will get closer with her Grandpa/Granddad whatever name she uses.

It's temporary. And smart! Hope that run boosts your endorphins.

Williesmom posted 2/24/2014 17:33 PM

Shelly, as I sit here in my house all alone, I envy that you have your daughter.....
I have peace and quiet, you have constant chaos.

I guess the grass is always greener.

PhoenixRisen posted 2/24/2014 18:53 PM

I'm glad I moved or I would have been really hurting.

Focus on this! You made the RIGHT decision - yeah Shelly!
I count my day (week, month, year) a success if I have avoided the negative (debt, injury, failure, disaster, etc).
then any good fortune is a bonus :)

Pentup posted 2/24/2014 21:48 PM

In many societies, including ours even a few years back, multi generational homes were the norm.

Think about what you are giving Piper and yourself. This time with your Dad is precious. Enjoy it, revel in it.

A good friend told me a few years back that I called myself a loser and it hurt her. That she would not have loser friends and that she cared too much about me to let me think that way about myself. It was humbling and uplifting at the same time.

I feel the same way about you and I do not even know you IRL. Stop calling yourself names unless they are amazing, wonderful mother, hard worker, good daughter. Because all those things are the words that truly describe you.

Bluebird26 posted 2/25/2014 04:28 AM

I am sorry you are hurting a bit right now. But try turning it around and being thankful for what you have right now. I find a bit of gratitude always helps my attitude when I am in a funk. I know it's not what you envisaged your life with your daughter would be. But it could certainly be a lot worse. Think of all the lovely things you have been able to do in your fathers home in yours and Pippa's preparation to live there. Giving her a gorgeous bedroom and play room. Things will only get better for you both.

stretch13 posted 2/25/2014 05:10 AM

(((shellybeanz))))

it's ok to grieve these losses. i know my grieving over specific things took place at different times...different losses, sometimes months later just realizing the gravity of something i already knew was gone. remember that all of these circumstances will pass, just like some of them have before.

you learn to live with the grief better and better though it always seems endless when you feel it. one day, when things have stabilized for you and you have some independence back, you will stop and realize the grief over some specific thing has faded or is just plain gone, like losing a house. that's a tough one, i know from my own experience.

you've survived this so far...this long road....you've lived through many of the hardest days. no matter how dark this feels, it is getting brighter. it's kind of like the first two months after the winter solstice. it's still hard to tell or appreciate that it's getting lighter a little bit earlier every morning, or staying lighter later...but the spring and summer are coming, no matter the cold snap you are stuck in right now.

good luck, you did the right thing.

[This message edited by stretch13 at 5:12 AM, February 25th (Tuesday)]

nowiknow23 posted 2/25/2014 07:30 AM

but the other part of me feels like a woman my age shouldn't ...

These internal scripts can cripple you, Shelly. Where do these expectations come from? And why do the negative scripts get any play time? Shut the fuckers down.

Here's your new script:
I am taking control of my finances.
I am providing a safe and comfortable home for my daughter.
I am working towards my goals.
I am making smart choices.

Put those on repeat and drown out the other crap.

ajsmom posted 2/25/2014 07:54 AM

^ ^ ^ This ^ ^ ^ to the millionth power.