Just wondering if there are stories of successful reconciliation if the WS had multiple emotional/physical affairs, long term affairs, etc.
Anyone had success here or are currently going through that with success?
[This message edited by Kitty70 at 9:25 PM, February 24th (Monday)]
You can read my profile. We are happily reconciled.
We have R'd. It has not been text book, but it is real. FWW read books, attended IC, and practices new behaviors to replace the dysfunctional behaviors that led to and sustained hers As. She has engaged and made progress on her FOO and personality issues. She has apologized to me, in front of people who knew about the As. She has maintained NC. She not just changed jobs, but careers. She read the books, she tolerated my rage and insecurities. I did IC, read the books, and did a lot of work on myself. I am a different person.
It hasn't been easy, we are still on the journey, but we are trying very hard.
Former 80s Icon wishful thinking
We are less than a year out and we both know we have a lot of work to go, but we are committed to doing it.
Sometimes it's overwhelming, so it's really, really powerful to know that there are others with the complicated multiple mess who have been successful.
we are trying to R. a thread like this is SO helpful! thank you!!
from 09/11 - 05/13 2 ONS, 10 sexting partners, 1 LT EA/PA
??/06/13 DD/1 - admits to LT EA, begin false R. 01/13/14 DD/2 - LTA was PA. 01/18/14 DD/3 - sexting 5 guys. 01/19/14 DD/4 - 2 ONS with different guys
We are well on our way to a successful R. I dont think type or length or number of A's matter. Everyones specifics may be different but betrayal is betrayal.
I came here looking for similar stories to find hope. When I let go of the differences I found all the hope I needed.
[This message edited by Chicho at 6:49 AM, February 25th (Tuesday)]
My H had several A's over the course of our marriage. It isn't a straightforward story but it was brutal. Admittedly, the hardest for me was the EA aspect of each affair even though most of them became PA's.
I struggle with sorting through my feelings and emotions. I had a part in some of these A's but they were also forced on me so I get confused. What I do see clearly is that our relationship has been a huge growing up time for my H. He had no dad except his bio dad that abandoned him completely after he and mom divorced. He had no model. His mom is an NPD ball of whining, wheedling, manipulative weird and yes, that particular model HAS been an issue in our marriage. It's like a battle. He has been growing up...far later than would be typical. We appear to be in R. I say 'appear' because I have PTSD like problems from the 20 years of almost constant trauma (2 marriages) and a 3year false R, so while things look good, I'm afraid to say so concretely. I will say, he has made some significant, positive changes that really show through. I get too wordy but what I'm trying to say is that yes, I do believe they can change after all the destruction that can go on for very long periods of time. They can grow up. It IS possible BUT there are a few things to realize. 1. You must see the actions of forward growth...not just words. They have made themselves liars so words mean next to nothing. 2. You may find yourself seriously damaged after enduring the time it can take for the above to happen. I don't just mean a broken heart and bad attitude...both of which are bad enough. I mean you may not come out as yourself on the other side because the process can be gut wrenching and not just the part when they finally get their a ha! Moment. You might be seriously compromised long after they have pulled their shit together.
