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Multiple ea/pa/ltr, Successful R?

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Kitty70 posted 2/24/2014 16:16 PM

There might be a similar thread or discussion somewhere but I haven't seen it, with the exception of the "Positive Stories" thread on here.

Just wondering if there are stories of successful reconciliation if the WS had multiple emotional/physical affairs, long term affairs, etc.

Anyone had success here or are currently going through that with success?

[This message edited by Kitty70 at 9:25 PM, February 24th (Monday)]

authenticnow posted 2/24/2014 16:18 PM

Hi Kitty,

You can read my profile. We are happily reconciled.

atsenaotie posted 2/24/2014 16:29 PM

Multiple, check
EA, check
PA, check
LTA, check

We have R'd. It has not been text book, but it is real. FWW read books, attended IC, and practices new behaviors to replace the dysfunctional behaviors that led to and sustained hers As. She has engaged and made progress on her FOO and personality issues. She has apologized to me, in front of people who knew about the As. She has maintained NC. She not just changed jobs, but careers. She read the books, she tolerated my rage and insecurities. I did IC, read the books, and did a lot of work on myself. I am a different person.

Kelany posted 2/24/2014 18:36 PM

We are 19 months out from Dday#2. My husband had 4 AP's. 2 were sexual PA's, two were non sexual PA's. One was also an EA. One was a 2 1/2 year LTA. My husband is also SA.

It hasn't been easy, we are still on the journey, but we are trying very hard.

NoMorDeceit posted 2/24/2014 20:11 PM

We are just about 5 years out. Multiple affairs, multiple OWs, long term affair (5+ years), and we are reconciled. Most importantly we are happy and I feel safe.

learningtofeel posted 2/24/2014 20:22 PM

Thank you Kitty, for starting this thread, and thanks to all of you for posting.

We are less than a year out and we both know we have a lot of work to go, but we are committed to doing it.

Sometimes it's overwhelming, so it's really, really powerful to know that there are others with the complicated multiple mess who have been successful.

musiclovingmom posted 2/24/2014 21:01 PM

Just over 19 months out here. My H had 5 PA's. One of those lasted 9 months. Three started out as EA's. The other two he found online. In addition to those, there were several (I'll never know an exact number) women who he chatted and webcammed with but never met in real life. I don't know if I will ever say that we are reconciled. It seems to me to insinuate finality. The most valuable thing I've learned is that having a happy marriage is a journey not a destination. However, we are happy now. We continuously work on being better both individually and together. We focus on being intentional and creating authentic intimacy. Some days we struggle and other days it is as if nothing ever happened. I never thought we would get to a point of true joy and peace again, but we have.

Morhurt posted 2/25/2014 00:11 AM

I love this thread, thank you!

william posted 2/25/2014 04:21 AM

my wife had over a two year period
- ONS with guy 1
- 7-10 sexting partners
- LTA EA/PA with guy 2
- ONS with guy 3 (who was also one of her sexting partners)

we are trying to R. a thread like this is SO helpful! thank you!!

AFrayedKnot posted 2/25/2014 06:47 AM

OM#4- intense EA/PA caught
After 10 months of TT I was told about
OM#1- short PA 10 months into our relationship
OM#2- 2.5 year EA
OM#3- 2.5 year EA with some kissing

We are well on our way to a successful R. I dont think type or length or number of A's matter. Everyones specifics may be different but betrayal is betrayal.

I came here looking for similar stories to find hope. When I let go of the differences I found all the hope I needed.

[This message edited by Chicho at 6:49 AM, February 25th (Tuesday)]

BeautifulEmpty posted 2/25/2014 13:48 PM

What Chico said...

I came here looking for similar stories to find hope. When I let go of the differences I found all the hope I needed.

However, that can be hard when your details are your details and they specifically HURT.

My H had several A's over the course of our marriage. It isn't a straightforward story but it was brutal. Admittedly, the hardest for me was the EA aspect of each affair even though most of them became PA's.

I struggle with sorting through my feelings and emotions. I had a part in some of these A's but they were also forced on me so I get confused.
What I do see clearly is that our relationship has been a huge growing up time for my H.
He had no dad except his bio dad that abandoned him completely after he and mom divorced.
He had no model. His mom is an NPD ball of whining, wheedling, manipulative weird and yes, that particular model HAS been an issue in our marriage.
It's like a battle.
He has been growing up...far later than would be typical. We appear to be in R.
I say 'appear' because I have PTSD like problems from the 20 years of almost constant trauma (2 marriages) and a 3year false R, so while things look good, I'm afraid to say so concretely.
I will say, he has made some significant, positive changes that really show through.
I get too wordy but what I'm trying to say is that yes, I do believe they can change after all the destruction that can go on for very long periods of time. They can grow up. It IS possible BUT there are a few things to realize.
1. You must see the actions of forward growth...not just words. They have made themselves liars so words mean next to nothing.
2. You may find yourself seriously damaged after enduring the time it can take for the above to happen.
I don't just mean a broken heart and bad attitude...both of which are bad enough. I mean you may not come out as yourself on the other side because the process can be gut wrenching and not just the part when they finally get their a ha! Moment. You might be seriously compromised long after they have pulled their shit together.

twisted posted 2/25/2014 16:13 PM

To be honest, I'm probably in a bad mood lately, haven't been here in quite some time. My D-day 10 yr anniversary is just around the corner.
Yes, yes, and yes to your topics. Reconciled? well, still married and got the kids through college and out. ( we'll assume they didn't know ).
I sometimes get pissed knowing if I would have walked away on day one, the kids would have dealt with it alright, I would be probably be happily remarried to good woman by now, and those years would be a fading memory.
I've yet to see the effort or the attitude I think she needs to have. I've done my part, I'm still here. That may change any day.

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