SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

CantLoseHope....you are welcome for the post I put on here. It was a minimally viewed post but resonated with me and, due to your PM, can tell it helped you as well.

You are new here.....register date just last week....so you are not aware of my one SI rule that is unbendable.

Wanted to let you know I have a rule of no PM'ing female SI members. I need this boundary and have weakness's in areas that I am aware of. I was aware of this weakness pre-A but am so very aware of it post-A....boundaries I contemplated shifting since my wifes affair.

SI BS appear to be predominantly female....so this rule limits my one on one interaction with other BS and I regret that....as the pain that is felt by all BS's is universal and not sex specific.

There was a time I wished for a real-life group of people working through adultery to R their marriages....I have since realized their are SI meetings and several other venues where this actually takes place. But I don't see that as an option for me right now. Actually, I pray I DONT run into any female BS....for fear the shared pain would be an instant bond and could lead me into more temptation than I could handle.

I know....a 42 year old man father of 2 accomplished career man should not have to operate like this....and I hope to be free of this fear in the future.....but, right now, I must.

I am very grateful that post resonated with you. It did for me too.....and actually ties into what Kyrie just nudged me to do....heal on my own. So see, even though I posted it, I still needed another to nudge me a bit.

Fellowship has real power.

If we think our own twisted mind can get us out of the mess we created....we are doomed to finding ourselves in the same mess again, and again, and again.

It is good to reach out to others.....with boundaries and wisdom....but we are called to fellowship.

I am grateful for the fellowship I have in my life.

Keep reaching out to others, to me even...just do it in the public forum.

God be with us all.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 4:38 PM, February 24th (Monday)]

Gotta keep those boundaries strong. Those of us healing are so very raw-vulnerable to the sympathy of those around us. I had to share my grief with my Dr (had to get checked for STD). He is also a GOOD personal friend. Of course he is a great listener, but the only conversations we allowed were in the clinical setting. I knew that in my raw state, a sympathetic man would make me vulnerable to approaching a dangerous line.